Joanna Kavenna - The Birth of Love

No single one of us. As I explained, we were drawn into this course of action, by this unfathomable power, this force around us.

You are not being honest, Prisoner 730006. On behalf of the Protectors, we must remind you how important it is that you are honest and precise.

I am telling you the truth as I experienced it. We did not have a leader. No one directed us. Gradually we found a way. We came to understand that we would do these things, that we would risk our lives. As I said, it was as if a greater something was directing our behaviour. It is not precise and certainly it is not like anything I was taught in Darwin C. It was not provable by experiment and it did not conform to any of the established scientific arguments. I am afraid it was all irrational and perhaps absurd, if you subscribe to the worldview of Darwin C and the Protected Area. But that was the thing. We no longer subscribed to this worldview. I cannot be more precise than that.

Prisoner 730006, who is the Magna Mater? Is she this woman you call Birgitta?

The Great Mother …

Correction, egg donor.

… of the world.

Prisoner 730006, can you answer the question clearly?

She is … Well, there is something I remember. A song the guides sang. When we took the boat across the sea. I remember it so vividly, though events of that day are otherwise confused in my mind. Somehow the song imprinted itself on our memories of that strange day and then later we sang it on the island.

Correction, Lofoten 4a, Arctic Circle sector 111424.

Then a storm arose in fury,

From the East a mighty tempest,

And the sea was wildly foaming

And the waves dashed ever higher.

Thus the tempest rocked the virgin,

And the billows drove the maiden,

O’er the ocean’s azure surface,

On the crest of foaming billows,

Till the wind that blew around her

And the sea woke life within her.

And the sea woke life within her …

What do you mean by this, Prisoner 730006?

It is an old song. I do not know how old.

Where does it come from?

I do not know. As I said, our guides sang it as we crossed, and then we remembered it and sang it later.

Who were your guides?

Well, they seemed to be people, ordinary people wearing rags or tattered clothes but there was something luminous about them, as if they were possessed with unusual grace. I could not see their features because their faces shone. But perhaps I was unaccustomed to the sunshine, the broadness of the sky, the wide-open sea.

Prisoner 730006, we advise you for your own protection not to insult the Protectors with such responses. How did you get from Darwin C to Lofoten 4a, Arctic Circle sector 111424? Please be very careful about how you answer this question, Prisoner 730006.

The mechanisms were not important. The momentum was incredible. When I saw the sea I understood it more clearly. It was like being washed by a tidal surge. A surge of energy and love.

Once more your answer is meaningless. You understand our questions, we assume?

I understand the individual words but somehow the way they are combined is obscure to me.

What do you mean by this song you sang?

All I can express to you is ambiguity. Gaps and the unknowable. The ancient beauty of things. For me, the song explained some things I had been unable to understand for some time. Or not really explained, perhaps that is overstating it. I never had a sense that anything was truly explained to me. It was all vague inference, suggestion, half-heard harmonies, resonating within me. Something chiming with something else.

This is not a clear answer.

I fear I have lost all this so-called clarity you admire.

What do you mean by this, Prisoner 730006?

Life is very mysterious, to me.

Life is not mysterious. We understand very well how life is generated. This knowledge is central in the struggle to protect the species.

You are wiser than I am.

Of course we are. We speak on behalf of the Protectors, who are most just and wise. Do you also adhere to the delusion of your group, that this woman Birgitta birthed a progeny of the species?

Birgitta brought life onto the planet, yes. It was magical to behold. Impossible, but there before us. Defying everything we had been taught.

You are all deluded. You are suffering from a collective delusion.

Perhaps you are right. It is true, we have no proof, except the evidence of our eyes and our shared experience. And the beautiful miraculous baby who was born to her.

Correction, progeny of the species. There was no such thing, Prisoner 730006. How long has your state of delusion lasted?

My state of joy has lasted for many phases of the moon.

How many years and months?

I do not know.

How long were you living on Lofoten 4a, Arctic Circle sector 111424?

I do not know. I no longer thought in hours or even days or months. The moon waxed and waned. Then again and again. The tides rose and fell. There were hot phases and less hot phases. Occasionally a cooling breeze, those were the most wonderful times of all.

What did you do there?

We lived naturally and so sometimes this stripped us of dignity and hope, as the natural world does, and sometimes we railed against elements we could not control. A storm which ravaged our crops. Rain so hard and thick it swamped the soil. Or the blistering sun, which threatened everything we had worked so hard to cultivate. We suffered, but we were permitted to survive. Something perhaps took pity on us. A reprieve was granted to us, a sort of desperate victory. Imperfect as we were, we were allowed to exist on this beautiful island, and the soil sustained us. Even now, though I know I will never see that island …

Correction, Lofoten 4a, Arctic Circle sector 111424.

… again, I spend each night looking up at the sky and thinking that it is the same sky, or nearly enough, that hangs above us all. That the ancient rocks and trees, the beautiful mountains sliding into the sea, the fragile mosses and the swirling birds, are all still there, under the sky. That the land will endure, somehow, even as the species fades from the planet.

Prisoner 730006, you are aware that it is a crime to predict the destruction of the species and on behalf of the Protectors we must warn you instantly to desist from such remarks.

I am aware that we are not permitted to contemplate the natural end of the human race.

Prisoner 730006, do you accept that your actions are reprehensible? That such selfish resource abuse cannot be permitted if the species is to survive?

I can be certain of no such thing. I live out my small allocation of years. I love the planet and the circling progress of darkness and light. But I have no knowledge of how my actions will affect anything.

Then you must be guided by the Protectors who act to protect you and the species.

I understand that I must be punished. Within the system established in Darwin C I am a criminal.

Correction, you must be allocated a new role in the struggle for the survival of the species.

I do not mind that. I do not mind dying. Perhaps I wish I was dying among friends and not in this place. But I have lived more fully than I could ever have imagined in Darwin C. Even now I know I have been fortunate. I saw the birth of Birgitta’s child.

Correct ‘child’ for the record. Why do you maintain this delusion that Birgitta produced a progeny of the species?

I saw the birth.

On behalf of the Protectors we must advise you to struggle against these delusions and overpower them.

Why must I?

You are not permitted to ask questions.

Then I cannot understand why I must try to convince myself that something I saw was not the truth.