Joanna Kavenna - The Birth of Love

When we were in the crate, leaving Darwin C. I met her then.

You had not met her before?

No, I had only heard of her.

You had heard what about her?

That she would be a mother.

Correction, egg donor. You also adhere to this delusion that Birgitta was carrying a progeny of the species?

It is not a delusion.

On behalf of the Protectors we are obliged to advise you that such words constitute a grave threat to the survival of the species and cannot, for the common good, despite the generosity and forbearance of the Protectors, be permitted.

I do not mean to threaten the species. I am merely telling the truth.

This selfish anti-species delusion was shared by all of your group?

They all saw Birgitta give birth, with their own eyes, yes.

Prisoner 730005, we must warn you again.

I understand your warning. Yet you have also told me to cooperate. So I am trying to co-operate by telling you what I saw. Are you claiming that you left Darwin C, risking everything you had, casting away the life that the Protectors in their infinite generosity had bestowed upon you, just because you heard a story, a mere myth? This is not logical, Prisoner 730005.

It is not logical, I agree. I was not behaving logically at the time. I had found that logic only worked up to a point. But there were some other factors too. Though I don’t think they were very logical either.

What were these other reasons?

Well, the most significant among them was that I had a dream. I dreamed of blood, and drinking blood. Swimming in blood. That is one of the few things I remember clearly from Darwin C. When I woke I realised I had to leave the city.

You attached significance to this random twitching of neurons?

Yes.

You did not seek chemical therapy?

No.

Were you regularly seeking sexual release?

Occasionally.

Not regularly?

I don’t really remember. Such loveless liaisons seem tawdry and irrelevant now.

Did you go to the same Sexual Release Centre as Birgitta?

Yes, I went to the Sexual Release Centre where she worked. Did you seek sexual release with her?

No, I did not.

We will check the logbook, Prisoner 730005, so you should be honest.

As I said, my recollection of Darwin C is tenuous, but I am quite sure about matters concerning Birgitta.

How did you find out about the conspiracy to leave Darwin C?

There was just a morning. A wonderful, extraordinary morning. A friend told me that something had changed and we could never be the same again. I did not understand at first. Then I heard someone talking about an old, neglected idea, the Magna Mater.

What do you mean by this?

We are not entirely sure. But it is a force flowing within everything there is.

Everything there is where?

Everywhere.

You will explain yourself in plain speak, Prisoner 730005.

It is not my place to explain the life force.

What do you mean by the phrase you have just produced?

Which one?

You know precisely what we mean, Prisoner 730005.

I’m really not sure I do.

On behalf of the Protectors, we must warn you against such refusal to co-operate with our inquiry. Do you admit you have desired the ruination of the species? That you have favourably contemplated societal collapse?

I do not desire the ruination of the species.

By leaving Darwin C and going to the Restricted Area, are you saying that you did not desire the ruination of the species?

I did not. I think life is an extraordinary thing. Even in our despairing times, I am grateful to have lived. But my thoughts and desires are not important anyway.

Who is Birgitta?

I do not really know who she is.

You have already confessed that you met this woman. Do not try to deny this now.

I am not trying to deny it. I met Birgitta. I was on the island …

Correction, Lofoten 4a, Arctic Circle sector 111424.

… with her for many seasons. I know her. But I do not entirely understand who she is.

Prisoner 730005, you will explain yourself in plain speak.

I cannot be plainer, I am afraid.

Do you know this woman called Birgitta?

Yes, in some ways I do.

Who is she?

I cannot tell you precisely.

Why not?

Because it is beyond my powers to comprehend.

Prisoner 730005, you are not co-operating and this will only worsen your position. For your own protection, let us try to understand matters more thoroughly. Your co-conspirator tells us this Birgitta worked at the Sexual Release Centre. There is no one called Birgitta on the data records of this centre. Several women disappeared from the Sexual Release Centre at the same time. We are happy to assume each one of these women is Birgitta and, as we find them, which we shall, deal with them accordingly. For their protection and for the protection of the species. But it will help us, and help these other women too, if you tell us now what Birgitta’s real name was.

I only ever knew her as Birgitta.

You are saying you left Darwin C for a woman you had never met and whose real name you did not know?

Yes.

You clearly do not understand how grave the situation is. We are trying to help you, on behalf of the Protectors. But you must be more forthcoming. Tell us about your departure from Darwin C.

I just remember a long journey, and everyone very silent and afraid, and then the sea. The sea, I remember that very clearly. The smell of salt and air.

Who was directing you to Lofoten 4a, Arctic Circle sector 111424?

Our guides.

Who were they?

I do not know.

What did they look like?

I cannot remember. I never saw their faces.

How many of them were there?

There seemed to be many. But perhaps there were not so many after all. It was a very small boat.

Can you be more precise, Prisoner 730005?

I am afraid I cannot.

The Protectors, via us, assure you that it is categorically in your interests to co-operate fully.

I understand that is one way of looking at it.

What do you mean by this?

If I wished to survive and go back to Darwin C, then I suppose it would be in my interests to co-operate. Otherwise, it is not in my interests.

The Protectors will decide what your interests are, and how best to protect you and more importantly the species.

I am sure they will decide for themselves. But I think my interests must be very different from those they decide for me.

Prisoner 730005, we must warn you that such remarks are not appropriate.

I am sure you think they are not.

We know they are not. Where are your co-conspirators?

If you mean my friends, then I do not know. Are they not all here? Have some escaped?

You are not permitted to ask questions. Why will you not tell us, and thereby the Protectors, precisely who was living in the Restricted Area?

I cannot. I promised.

Yes, your pact again. This counterproductive allegiance to an obsolete agreement.

I do not understand what you are saying.

Who was Birgitta’s egg donor?

I do not understand this term.

You understand it clearly, Prisoner 730005. Who was Birgitta’s egg donor?

I do not know what you mean.

What did you do on Lofoten 4a, Arctic Circle sector 111424?

We lived. We worked. We waited for the birth.

Some of your number died?

Yes, they did.

Who were they?

I cannot tell you.

On behalf of the Protectors we are obliged to warn you again that such a failure to co-operate will stand against you in the ultimate verdict.

I understand. As I said, I am not sure it matters much to me.

We think you will find it does. How did you live?

Those of us that lived, farmed and foraged. It was a hard life but a better one, infinitely better, than the lives we had in Darwin C.