B. Johnson - House Mother Normal

life, music while you work, used to listen regularly,

funny how radio’s just died out, really, no one listens

like they used to, so quick, too. Used to sing,

too. when we had friends round, to the piano, Ted could

vamp a little, we used to enjoy strong

Throughout old age, however long:

If only we can cheerful stay

And di-dum welcome every day .

Not what we’ve been, not what we’ve done ,

What matters most is that we’re errrr

The joys of life continue strong

Throughout old age, however long .

The most important thing to do

Is stay alive and see it through

No matter if the future’s dim

For dum di dum, di dum di dim

Oh, di di di, di di di deer

OH, lucky us, that we are near!

The most important thing to do

Is stay di dum and see it through!

She didn’t notice, did she? No sign!

Ah, a good sing-song does

you no harm, no harm at all.

Yes, yes . Ivy this, Ivy that,

why do I do her running around for her? Get the

fancy goods boxes. Over in the cupboard. Right.

This glue is nasty. Paste rather than

glue. Attracts the mice, I shouldn’t wonder.

And the rats!

Easy for her. Not so easy for

some of us. Though I can do it all right. I can

do more cracker cases in ten minutes than some of

these can do in a whole evening. Not that I’m

proud of it. Won’t be able to read

now until after we’ve finished work. What a pity.

I do enjoy a good book.

Yes . I’ll give out the work,

carry round the boxes. What were

you doing yesterday, Mrs Ridge?

Yes, this must be yours then .

What about you, Ron?

Here you are. I can’t help it

if you don’t want to work, Mrs Ridge! Tell her ,

not me. She’s the one who makes you, not me .

And you! The cheek of it!

I don’t have to do this, you know!

Here .

Wake up, dear .

Yes, I knew it, there are mice dirts in the bottom

of the box, rolling around, sound as though they’re

hard so they must have been rolling around here for

some time. Filthy mice! Ugh! Mustn’t tip

them out in front of this dotty old bugger George.

He’d only go out and eat them.

Though why not? Here you are ,

dear, stick this paper like she says, you know ,

and here are some little sweeties for you , ho ho.

Yes, they’ve all got them now, madam .

Kept back the best brush and glue for myself, well,

I’m better at it than them. I can do more.

Now let’s get two of them organised as I did

yesterday. A team or syndicate. That’s the best

way, then we all get the most out of it. Ron ,

shall we do it the way we did it yesterday?

I know all about your arse, Ron, I know, I weep

for your poor old arse, but what can I do? If

you do the gluing at least you don’t have to

go reaching all over the table for the roll

of paper, do you? Come on now, Ron darling ,

you know you’ll only dwell on it otherwise, what

have you got to lose?

That’s it, Ron, that’s the ticket. Look, you have

this brush and glue, it’s the best one, my one .

Yes, the best. You’ll be all right

with that, you’ll do a good job, Ron .

Now what about you, Mrs Bowen, are you going

to join us as you did yesterday? Hope so, as

I’m not speaking to that bitch Ridge again, and

the other two are dummies.

Certainly you can do the rolling again, dear ,

Ron will do the gluing and I’ll do the cutting .

So we’ve got three rollers between us and they

can keep going round, or rather back and forth

between you and Ron .

I’m sorry to seem to be ordering you around, but

someone has to do the organising, don’t they?

Off we go, then .

Hope Ron is going to be able to do the gluing

properly, it was his fault last time, he’s the one

who should take the blame for what she was saying.

Keep my arms working and moving, so that they don’t

get still and stiff and set, ah.

My book will have to wait until after this work has

finished, have to wait.

My eyes are not what they were, still, I collected

over seven hundred pound for the Blind Club, they’ll

see to my eyes, for that, not seven hundred all at

once, of course, over the years, over the years,

silver paper from chocolate and milk bottle tops

and other things.

That was when we were living near Southend. I could

have collected for the Lifeboat, but I preferred

to collect for the Blind. Ted did, too, he didn’t

want me getting mixed up with that lot who collected

for the Lifeboat, there were some

unpleasant women amongst that lot, and men, too, and

Ted said he couldn’t afford to get in with the wrong

lot, what with this new job that we’d gone down there

for in the first place, it was such a good job, a

chance in a million, and I thought he might be right,

and it turned out he was, after not so very long.

And he did so well as a rep for Stevensons, Ted, you

have to cultivate just the right sort of people in

that sort of job, and he was so successful at it that

within five years we moved out of Southend and had our

own little bungalow out at Thundersley, a new one, up

on the top of Bread and Cheese Hill, funny name,

all our friends used to remark on it, and laugh,

we had lots of friends then, they’d call round

just when they felt like it to see us, life

seemed so busy then, I joined the Women’s Institute,

and did the flowers for the Church on the

rota, time seemed to fly by doesn’t

now

I’m getting so annoying

fat, through not working, not getting enough exercise

in this place. Still, all my life my weight

was slowly going up, all the time, all the more to

love, Ted used to say, bless him, oh!

Only time I came down a bit in weight was when they

cut my womb away, God knows what they didn’t cut

away as well, saved my life, they said, but I’ve

never felt the same again, I’ve heard others say

that it made a new woman of them, but not me, I’ve

never been the same, I can truthfully say I miss

what they cut away, I’m not the same woman without

it. Oh, I’m alive, that was successful, yes, they

would call it a success.

You’re doing famously, Mrs Bowen. What a rate

we’re going! Oooh, I’ve made a rhyme!

Ron, dear, could you please be a little more

sparing with the glue? You heard what House

Mother said about being careful, you know!

His hands now,

I thought it was his arse, arthritis sounds like

it ought to be a disease of the arse really.

That’s a comical idea, my Ted would have laughed

at that one!

Well, just try, Ron, you know what she’s like

if she’s crossed. For your own sake, not mine .

Good for you, Ron.

It was still like country out there then, that

was why we chose the bungalow there. One Sunday

afternoon while it was still being built we went