Genki Kawamura - If Cats Disappeared from the World

“No, not bamboo shoots, ‘Bamboo Shoot Village.’”

“That makes no sense.”

“Sorry. They’re chocolate treats.”

“Chocolate?”

“That’s right.”

I had won the boxes of chocolate in a raffle in the local shopping center a few days earlier (more like compensation for not winning the big prize), and they had sat there on the table ever since. When you think about it, it is kind of a weird concept for a brand of chocolate biscuits. It was no wonder the Devil was confused.

“Ah, yes. I’ve heard about how much humans love chocolate, but I didn’t realize they’d taken it this far. Why in the shape of mushrooms and bamboo shoots?”

“Good question. I never thought about it before.”

“OK… Well then. Shall we do the chocolates?”

“Huh?”

“We’re deciding what’s going to disappear from the world! Don’t you remember?”

“Isn’t that kind of a random choice?”

“Well, it is your first go at this…”

If chocolates disappeared from the world…

How would the world change? I tried to imagine what it might be like.

Let’s see, chocolate addicts around the world would grieve, cry, and scream, and be overcome with loss. Then their blood-sugar levels would fall, and they would live out the rest of their lives in a state of lethargy.

In a world without chocolate, would marshmallows and caramel just take its place? Probably not, I don’t think they have the same appeal as chocolate. And besides, people would get right to work on coming up with a new kind of sweet thing to replace chocolate with.

It just goes to show how insatiable we are when it comes to food.

The cat sat next to me eating the leftovers with rice that I’d just fed him. In Japanese, there’s a whole other word for the food pets eat. It’s just not the same as human food—we humans are way fussier.

Human beings put a lot of time and effort into what we eat, finding the right flavors, cooking, even making food into beautiful shapes. And chocolate is part of that too. Some chocolate has nuts in it, or comes in the form of a kind of biscuit or wafer. And in this case we’ve made it look like mushrooms and bamboo shoots. Chocolate seems to have really inspired us humans to come up with new ideas. Maybe that’s what’s driven all human progress: an insatiable desire for new things.

Something about all this made me feel like I’ve been lucky to have lived after all.

Now, you would have to be crazy to stand up and declare, “I would gladly give my life for chocolate!” I don’t think there’s anybody in the entire world who’s that stupid. But if giving up chocolate can save my life, then why not? This is a stroke of luck. If that’s all it takes then let’s do it! There must be loads of similar things that I can easily give up to buy me more time.

Just as I was beginning to feel like my dealings with the Devil might really be offering me a speck of hope, Aloha spoke.

“So does this stuff taste good?” he said, gazing at the two boxes of chocolate biscuits.

“Not bad,” I answered.

“Right…”

“Have you ever tried it?”

“No.”

“Here, have one.”

“No thanks. Human food just doesn’t agree with me. It just all tastes… I don’t know…”

“Oh really? Wow.”

I was about to ask him more about what devils eat, but I decided to keep my curiosity in check. Then Aloha’s curiosity seemed to get the best of him and he grabbed the box of “Mountain Mushrooms,” took a whiff, and stared at the tiny biscuits. He smelled them again. Then he warily brought the biscuits to his lips, and scrunching his eyes shut, shoved one of them into his mouth.

Silence. A muffled, crunching sound. The room echoed with the sound of Aloha munching on chocolate biscuits.

“How is it?” I asked gently, but Aloha kept his eyes closed and stayed silent.

“So… how is it? Not good?”

Aloha seemed speechless, he let out a muffled munching sound.

“Are you OK?”

Again the muffled sound.

“Should I call an ambulance or something?”

“Mmmmff… wow that was so good!”

“Really?”

“What do they put in these things? They’re just too good! Are you sure you want to get rid of them? What a waste!”

“Wait a minute, I thought you said I should make them disappear.”

“Well, I don’t know about that. If I did, it must have been a mistake. I hadn’t realized how delicious these things would be.”

“But if I don’t do something I’ll die! Isn’t that what you said?”

“Mmmm, well, you could put it like that.”

“OK, then I’ll get rid of them.”

“… Really?”

Aloha seemed genuinely sad, as he spoke his shoulders sagged.

“Yes, really.”

I was beginning to feel sorry for him, but my answer was final.

“OK. But just one more!” Aloha burst out.

“What?”

“Can I have one more? This’ll be the last one, I swear.”

Aloha looked so pathetic, pleading as he was. His eyes began to well up with tears. It looked like he’d really taken a shine to chocolate. Stealthily, while he thought I wasn’t looking, he grabbed a few more of the chocolates and stuffed them into his mouth, savoring the taste. When he was done he spoke again.

“Mmmm, yeah, ya know, I just can’t do it.”

“What?”

“It would be a crime to get rid of such a delicious thing.”

“What the…”

How could he change his mind so easily? I mean, it’s my life we’re talking about here!

I thought I’d come to terms with the fact that I was going to die soon, but now that I’d been offered a way out, I found myself willing to try anything, no matter how ridiculous it seemed. When I do finally die, I’d like to go quietly, peacefully, and with dignity—that’s how I always thought it would happen. But when you’re suddenly faced with death, you find yourself willing to accept a helping hand from anyone, even the Devil, in order to stay alive. It’s a basic human instinct. Dignity and respectability have gone out the window at that point.

“I’m not entirely OK with that.”

“What’s this now? Not having a crisis of conscience, are we?”

“What do you mean, of course I’m having a crisis! It’s my life, and you think you can decide whether I live or die based on what you happen to fancy?”

“Why not? I mean, I am the Devil.”

This was too much. I was speechless.

Aloha went on—

“Oh, come on! Don’t look so depressed. I’ll think of something else. I’ll come up with something right away, tout de suite!”

With that, Aloha began to quickly scan the room. You could tell he was trying to make up for having chosen the wrong thing first time around.

Not that impressive for a devil, I thought. I gave him an icy stare as he continued his work. Then suddenly my mobile phone rang. Someone was calling from the post office where I work. I looked at the clock. It was well past the time I usually begin my shift.

The voice on the other end of the line belonged to my boss, the postmaster. He sounded annoyed and pointed out that I was late. The day before I’d left early to go to the clinic because I didn’t feel well—actually he sounded kind of worried about me.

“I’m OK, but I could use some more time off to recover. Could I have the rest of the week off?”

So I managed to get the week off and then hung up.

“ That’s it…”

“What?”

“That’s it, right there.”

Finally I twigged that Aloha was pointing at the phone.

“Now that looks like something you don’t need.”

“What? You mean my phone?”

“Right! Let’s get rid of it.”

Aloha laughed.