Джеффри Арчер - And Thereby Hangs a Tale

‘It doesn’t matter where they are,’ said Bryant.

‘It matters if you expect me to give you a valuation,’ snapped Benny.

‘What if I could show you half a dozen of them right now?’

‘Stop pissing me about, Kev. If you’re serious about doin’ a deal, tell me where they are. If not, fuck off.’ Not tactics Inspector Matthews would have approved of, but with his appeal coming up in a few days’ time, Benny couldn’t afford to wait another six weeks before Bryant spoke again.

‘I’m serious,’ said Bryant quietly. ‘So shut up and listen for a minute, unless you’re doing a bigger deal this week?’ Benny thought about another year being knocked off his sentence and remained silent. ‘While I was banged up on remand, one of the cons was arrested for possession. Heroin, class A.’

‘So what?’ said Benny. ‘People get arrested for possession every day.’

‘Not while they’re in prison, they don’t.’

‘But how did he get the gear in?’ asked Benny, suddenly taking an interest.

‘This con picks up the stuff from a mate while he’s on trial at the Old Bailey. Durin’ one of the breaks he asks to go to the toilet, knowing that the guard has to stay outside while he’s in the cubicle. While he’s on the john, he stuffs the gear into a condom, ties a knot in it and swallows it.’

‘But if the condom split open in his stomach,’ said Benny, ‘he’d be history.’

‘Yeah, but if he gets it into prison, he can make a grand. Five times what he’d pick up on the out.’

‘Tell me something I don’t know,’ said Benny.

‘Once he’s banged up in here, he waits till the middle of the night, sits on the toilet, where the screws can’t see him through the spy hole, and—’

‘Spare me the details.’

After another long pause, Bryant said, ‘On the day I was sentenced I did the same thing.’

‘You swallowed two ounces of heroin?’ asked Benny in disbelief.

‘No, you stupid bugger, you’ve not been payin’ attention.’ Benny remained silent while Bryant rolled a cigarette then kept him waiting until he’d lit it and inhaled several times. ‘I swallowed six of the diamonds, didn’t I?’

‘Why in Gawd’s name would you do that?’

‘Prison currency, in case I ever found myself dealin’ with a bent screw, or in need of a favour from an old lag.’

‘So where are they now?’ asked Benny, pushing his luck.

‘They’ve been in this cell for the past three months, and you haven’t even set eyes on them.’

Benny said nothing as Bryant climbed down from the top bunk and took a plastic fork from the table. He slowly began to unstitch the centre strip that ran down the side of his Adidas tracksuit bottoms. It was some time before he was able to extract one small diamond. Benny’s eyes lit up when he saw it sparkle under the naked light bulb.

‘Six stripes means six diamonds,’ Bryant said in triumph. ‘If any screw checked my tracksuit, he would have found more stashed in there than he earns in a year.’

Bryant handed the diamond over to Benny, who took it across to the tiny barred window and studied it closely while he tried to think.

‘So, what do you think?’ asked Bryant.

‘Can’t be sure yet, but there’s one way to find out. Let me see your watch.’

‘Why?’ asked Bryant, holding out his arm.

Benny didn’t reply, but ran the edge of the stone across the glass, leaving a thin scratch on the surface.

‘Hey, what’s your game?’ said Bryant, pulling his arm away. ‘I paid good money for that watch.’

‘And I won’t be wasting good money on this piece of shit,’ said Benny, handing the stone back to Bryant before returning to the bottom bunk and pretending to read his newspaper.

‘Why the fuck not?’ asked Bryant.

‘Because it’s not a diamond,’ said Benny. ‘If it was, it would have shattered the glass on your watch, not just left a scratch on the surface. You’ve been robbed, my friend,’ said Benny, ‘and by a very clever man who’s palmed you off with paste.’

Bryant stared at his watch. It was some time before he stammered out, ‘But I saw Abbott fill the bag with diamonds from his safe.’

‘I’ve no doubt you saw him fill the bag with something, Kevin, but whatever it was, it wasn’t diamonds.’

Bryant collapsed on to the only chair in the cell. Eventually he managed to ask, ‘So how much are they worth?’

‘Depends how many you’ve got.’

‘A sugar bag full. It weighed about two pounds.’

Benny wrote down some numbers on the back of his newspaper before offering his considered opinion. ‘Two grand perhaps, three at the most. I’m sorry to say, Kev, that Mr Abbott saw you coming.’

Bryant began picking at the remaining stripes on his track-suit bottoms with the plastic fork. Each time a new stone fell out, he rubbed it across his watch. The result was always the same: a faint scratch, but the glass remained firmly intact.

‘Twelve years for a few fuckin’ grand,’ Bryant shouted as he paced up and down the tiny cell like a caged animal. ‘If I ever get my hands on that bastard Abbott, I’ll tear him apart limb from limb.’

‘Not for another twelve years you won’t,’ said Benny helpfully.

Bryant began thumping the cell door with his bare fists, but he knew that no one could hear him except Benny.

Benny didn’t say another word until lights out at ten o’clock, by which time Bryant had calmed down a little, and had even stopped banging his head against the wall.

Benny had spent the time working out exactly what he was going to say next. But not before he was convinced that Bryant was at his most vulnerable, which was usually about an hour after lights out. ‘I think I know how you could get revenge on your friend Mr Abbott,’ whispered Benny, not sure if Bryant was still awake.

Bryant leapt off the top bunk and, towering over Benny, their noses almost touching, shouted, ‘Tell me. Tell me. I’ll do anything to get even with that bastard!’

‘Well, if you don’t want to wait twelve years before you next bump into him, you’ve got it in your power to make him come to you.’

‘Stop talking in fuckin’ riddles,’ said Bryant. ‘How can I get Abbott to come to Belmarsh? He’s hardly likely to apply for a visiting order.’

‘I was thinking of something more permanent than a visit,’ said Benny. It was Bryant’s turn to wait impatiently for his cellmate to continue. ‘You told me the judge offered to reduce your sentence if you told where you stashed the diamonds.’

‘That’s right. But have you forgotten they ain’t diamonds no more?’ shouted Bryant, inching even closer towards him.

‘Exactly my point,’ said Benny, not flinching, ‘so it shouldn’t take the police long to work out that they’ve been taken for a ride, while Abbott has ended up with ten million of insurance money in exchange for two pounds of paste.’

‘You’re fuckin’ right,’ said Bryant, clenching his fist.

‘As soon as the police realize the diamonds aren’t kosher, they’re gonna throw the book at Abbott: fraud, theft, criminal deception, not to mention perverting the course of justice. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was sent down for at least ten years.’ Benny lit a cigarette and slowly inhaled before he added, ‘And there’s only one place he’s heading once he leaves the Old Bailey.’

‘Belmarsh!’ said Bryant, punching his fist in the air as if Manchester United had just won the Cup.

The physical instruction officer at Belmarsh had never seen this particular con in the gym before, despite the fact that he clearly needed some exercise, nor, for that matter, the police officer he was deep in conversation with, who clearly didn’t. The governor had told him to lock the gym door and make sure that no one, screw or con, entered while the two men were together.