Cecelia Ahern - How to Fall in Love

‘You’ve a great set-up here. How many horses do you have?’

‘Twelve. Not all of them are ours, but it helps with the fees. We’re expanding though. She’s even thinking about getting into breeding.’

‘Is the dream for you to be here full-time?’

‘Me? No. Why, have you been sent from Basil’s to fire me?’ She tried to make it appear she was joking, but it was clear from the fear in her eyes that she was worried.

‘No, actually, quite the opposite.’

Mary looked intrigued.

We finished our conversation in what should have been the warmth of the bungalow, but with the door opening and closing as stable hands came and went there was little chance of any warmth remaining in the house. Mary kept her coat on and so did I, drinking as much hot tea as I could and warming my hands on the mug as I sat on an animal-hair-infested couch surrounded by three dogs; one sleeping, one with cabin fever as he wandered around the room sniffing at walls for a way out and another that sat in Mary’s lap and watched me in a disconcerting manner without blinking for the entire conversation. Mary didn’t seem to notice any of it, not the cold, nor the dog hair that I scooped from my mug. I wasn’t sure if that was because she was so used to it all or because of my proposal.

She acted dubious but her interest was obvious. ‘And you worked on this with Adam?’

‘Yes,’ I was only half-lying. ‘He couldn’t be here today because there’s so much to arrange for the funeral.’ I thought of him in his house, lying in the darkness with the bed covers over his head.

‘And he’s happy with this?’ she asked, confused. ‘With not having a day-to-day role in the company? With me making the decisions?’

‘Absolutely. He’ll be chairman of the board, so all decisions will have to be signed off by him, but I think it’s the best way to move forward. Everyone I’ve spoken to is very sure that you could run the company in the way Mr Basil intends. You love the company.’

‘It was the first place I worked after school.’ She smiled. ‘They used to be based in Dublin, but when they moved here it was great for the area. It is great. I spent the first year answering phones. Gradually moved my way up. But …’ She shook her head, confused.

‘What’s wrong?’

‘Old Mr Basil wouldn’t have wanted this. Mr Basil’s family wouldn’t want this. Lavinia would rather roll over and die than see me in her position. The Basils prefer to keep things in the family.’ She didn’t speak ill of anyone, she was too professional for that, but I could read between the lines and it tallied with what Adam had said about feeling pressure from his family within the company over him getting the job and not them.

‘As long as it’s not his uncle’s family involved,’ I added.

‘Well, of course,’ she agreed. ‘It won’t go to Nigel, will it?’ she asked, worried.

‘That’s the last thing Adam wants. And I don’t think you have anything to worry about with Lavinia.’

‘Are you sure Adam is happy with this?’ she asked again, confused.

I stalled. ‘Do you mind me asking, why are you unsure about this? I thought it was obvious Adam didn’t want the job.’

‘Oh, I sensed that, of course, but I thought it would be different when Mr Basil died. I thought he’d see it differently. It’s hard to do your job when Mr Basil’s breathing down your neck; he barely gives you a second to think and then he barks at you for not thinking. I thought that Adam would want to make it his own.’ She shrugged. ‘I thought his problem was with his father, not with the company. And he’s proved he’s good at it, the short time he’s been there. He had some good ideas – and believe me, we could do with some fresh blood in there. It would be such a shame for him not to take the position. But, as you say, if this is what he wants …’ She looked at me as though she didn’t believe me.

This confused me all over again.

My phone rang.

It was Maureen. ‘He’s awake.’

I didn’t need to tell Pat to put the foot down, he was already driving over 100 mph on roads I would barely do sixty on. When I reached the house, I expected to find Adam outside or downstairs but instead I found him still in his bedroom, trying to talk a flushed-faced Maureen into letting him out.

‘Slide the keys under the door, Maureen,’ Adam said, the impatience in his voice clear.

‘Uh. I’m not sure they fit,’ she said nervously, then held her head in her hands in silent turmoil. She heard me on the staircase and looked up at me in relief. ‘He had a shower and he was hungry so I brought him lunch and locked the door,’ she whispered frantically. ‘He kept saying he wanted to go for a walk.’

‘Why didn’t you let him?’

‘You said not to let him out of my sight!’

‘You could have followed him.’

She clamped her hands across her open mouth, not having thought of that. I felt my mouth twitch.

‘He’s very angry,’ Maureen whispered.

‘That’s okay. He’ll take it out on me.’ I raised my voice. ‘It’s all right, Adam, I’m here, I’ll help.’

I put the key in the lock and rattled it around as though I was having a difficult time. Adam kept pushing the handle up and down impatiently.

‘Adam, stop! I’m trying to …’ Finally the key clicked in place and the door flew open. I was so surprised by the sudden force that I didn’t have time to move. Adam came bounding out, like a bull released, and my shoulder was the target as he bumped past, but he was too angry to stop and apologise and Maureen caught me as I flew back a few feet.

‘Oh dear, my dear, are you okay?’

I didn’t feel the burning until afterwards as I was more concerned about Adam running down the stairs, steam coming from his ears. I took off in pursuit.

‘I want to be alone,’ he said, power-walking out of the house and taking a left that led to a pathway along the lake.

His legs were so much longer than mine and I had to jog to keep up. A few quick steps, then a jog to catch up, a few quick steps and then another jog. Between a slight panic that he’d gone off the rails and the fact I was jogging I was a little out of breath already.

‘You know I can’t do that,’ I said, running a bit, then walking, then running again to catch up.

‘Not now, okay?’

I kept up with him, didn’t want to say anything to annoy him. I remained at his side, silent but present. Not that he wouldn’t be able to do anything just because I was there. He was strong, as the throbbing in my shoulder proved. Still, I persevered, I couldn’t give up on him, I couldn’t leave him alone, I couldn’t—

‘CHRISTINE!’ he yelled in my face. ‘GO AWAY.’

He’d stopped suddenly and it had taken me by surprise. He shouted so loudly it echoed around the lake, reverberated in my head, hurt my ears, made my heart bang in my chest. The flash of anger in his eyes, the single vein that throbbed in his forehead and the veins that protruded from his neck, his hands in fists, unintentionally threatening, made me catch my breath and hold it. I felt like a child who had been shouted at by an adult, that surprised, vulnerable, embarrassed feeling. And I felt alone, suddenly so very alone. He turned away from me and charged off and I collapsed, crouched over, hands flying to my knees as I gasped for breath, as I started to cry and for once didn’t try to stop it.

I let him go.

20

How to Stand Up and Be Counted

I felt an odd sort of calm as I sat in the boathouse and looked out to Lough Derg. The edges of the lake had frozen over and ducks flew down, pecked at it and instantly soared to the sky as though it was too cold even for them, their hunger wasn’t worth it. I sniffed again as my nose dripped, giving up on wiping it as it was completely numb, my eyes red and sore. I was sure my tears would have frozen had they not been flowing so swiftly. I didn’t bother to wipe them, occasionally they would roll to my lip and I’d lick them, tasting the salt. It was an odd sort of feeling, waiting, feeling helpless to stop an act I had felt solely responsible for in waking and sleeping hours, and yet when it came to it I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop. Not physically. My words were all I had, my thinking was all I had, but this time he didn’t want to listen.