Andrei Makine - A Hero's Daughter

The door lock clicked softly He realized he had fallen asleep for a moment. Furtive footsteps glided over the carpet, the attaché case returned to its place beside the desk. As he fell asleep Almendinger felt the coolness of a light palm upon his face. But he was already so engulfed in his sleep that all he could do was to turn his face with closed eyes toward this hand, and smile, already dreaming, and murmur a few words in German.

By noon it was very hot in the colorful streets, awash with people and sunlight. You could already smell the summer, the scent of hot dusty asphalt.

Ivan walked along slowly, dazed by the noise from the streets, the scorching sun, the red patches of the slogans, flags, and banners. The words of the passersby the honking of the cars and, above all, the blinding glare of the sun caused him acute pain. It seemed to him that it would take only a word, or a little laugh, and his head would explode. He tried not to look at the bustling pedestrians. He had an impulse to stop and shout at them: "Shut up, won't you?" or to hit someone, so that for a moment, at least, the noise splitting his brain might cease.

In his suit and raincoat he was horribly hot. He felt his shirt and pants sticking to his skin and his throat smarted from a dry tickle. But he walked on like an automaton, without taking off his raincoat, in the hope that at the next turning a cool breeze would at last be blowing and these noisy outbursts of merriment would fade away.

The night came back to him in confused snatches, with the hallucinatory insistence of that bare bulb at the ceiling. As soon as he began to remember, the light from it swelled, became ever brighter, even harsher, and burned his eyes even more than the May sunshine. With his eyes half closed, Ivan pressed on.

He remembered how, after returning to Semyonov's room the night before, they had pulled out the suitcase, with its store of liquor, from under the bed and begun to drink. Ivan drank without saying a word, ferociously, constantly fixing Semyonov with his heavy, hate-filled stare. This look frightened Semyonov, who blurted out in a low voice: "What do you expect, Vanya…? We've been taken for a ride like filthy pigs in a farmyard! Good God! They stuck all those medals on our chests and we were complete assholes. We were happy. Hero! Just you try showing your face in that bar where the Fritzes drink. They'll sweep you away with a yard broom. Even if you were a Hero three times over…"

Then through the mists of the alcohol, without being able to hear himself any more, Ivan was shouting something at Semyonov and thumping on the table with his fist. This thumping was suddenly echoed by a furious banging on the door and the shrill voice of the woman in the next room: "Semyonov! I'm going to phone the militia. They'll take you away, you and your drunken pal! You're waking the whole house with your din…"

Semyonov went out into the corridor to do some explaining. Ivan remained alone. There was complete silence now. From the ceiling the lemon-yellow bulb threw stark shadows: the bottles on the table, Semyonov's crutches at the head of the bed. Somewhere above the rooftops the strokes of three o'clock rang out…

Coming toward Ivan were retired army officers who had put on their full dress uniforms in honor of the celebrations. They were decked out in the armor plating of their decorations. Ivan stared almost in horror at their swollen necks, their cheeks pink from shaving, their monumental torsos, tightly swathed in belts and cross straps. From a gigantic banner a soldier, a sailor, and an airman beamed formidable smiles beneath a fluorescent inscription: "Long live the fortieth anniversary of the Great Victory!" Ivan wanted to stop and to shout out: "This is all rubbish. It's a great big con!" He'd have liked one of the passersby to shove him or insult him, or a fat army officer to puff out his scarlet neck and start spitting out something threatening at him. Oh, how he would have responded to them! Reminded them of how all these bloated ex-officers had been lurking to the rear of the lines, pointed out the American trademarks sported by the arrogant young whippersnappers walking past him.

But no one shoved him. On the contrary, at the sight of his Star shining on the lapel of his jacket, people stepped aside to let him pass. Indeed, when Ivan crossed the road where it was not allowed, the militiaman refrained from blowing his whistle, averted his head and looked the other way With his energy flagging, Ivan turned down an alley and saw a cluster of trees at the bottom of it. But when he got to the end he found himself in a noisy and cheerfully animated avenue. Once again a vivid banner caught his eye:

"1945-1985. Glory to the Victorious Soviet People!" Ivan stopped, screwed up his eyes, and groaned. His brow and eyelids became damp, he felt weak at the knees. A water cart drove by, enveloping him in a smell of wet dust: a huge Intourist coach sailed past with smoked-glass windows, behind which well-groomed ladies with silvery hair could be seen. Ivan retraced his footsteps.

At that moment above the glass door of a store he sensed, rather than read, in bulbous black lettering: "Beriozka." Without thinking, guided by an intuition about what would happen and anticipating it with spiteful glee, he went in.

A pleasant half light prevailed in the store. The cool temperature produced by the air conditioning was disorientating. Lightly clad tourists were talking among themselves beside a counter. A shower of shrill, discordant notes rang out, followed by a shout of laughter: one of them was buying a balalaika.

Ivan stopped near the counter. His gaze, scarcely taking in objects, slid over Palekh lacquer boxes, bottles of scotch whiskey, brightly colored album covers. Two salesclerks watched him attentively. Finally one of them, unable to hold back, said softly but very distinctly and without even looking in his direction: "This store, Citizen, is reserved for foreign visitors. Payment here is only in hard currency." And to show him that the conversation was at an end and that he had no more business there, she said to her colleague: "I think those Swedes have made their choice. Stay here, I'll go serve them."

Ivan knew very well that it was a Beriozka. He also knew what a despicable peasant he was in the eyes of these two dolls in their elegant makeup. But that, precisely, was fine. Yes it was fine that his head was exploding, his shirt sticking to his skin, that the foreigners – these extraterrestrials in their light T-shirts – should be buying things, laughing, their blue eyes staring straight through him into the distance.

"Go ahead, my girl. Go and serve them," mocked Ivan. "That's all we're good for. Serving them. Some in bed, some behind the counter…"

The salesclerk stopped, exchanged brief glances with her colleague and rapped out: "I repeat: rubles are not accepted here. Vacate the premises or I'll call the militia. And take your hands off that glass case." And in a lower voice she added: "Any old country bumpkin thinks he can come in here. And then we have to wash the glass."

Ivan clenched his teeth and leaned with ll his weight on the glass of the counter. There was a sound of the glass breaking and at the same time the sales-clerk's cry: "Lyuda, call the duty militiaman!"

"You see these hands," shouted Ivan. "I loaded a whole mountain of shells into the guns with them. With these hands…"

He said nothing more and erupted into laughter like a barking dog. The agony tore at his eyes. But through the morass of his confusion suddenly everything became clear to him: "All this is bullshit. To them I'm just a Neanderthal. Why am I telling them about those goddamned shells?" And, still laughing, he yelled out to the bemused foreigners: "Now just you listen to me! I spilled gallons of blood for you, you bastards! I saved you from the brown plague, ha! ha! ha…!"