Patrick McCabe - The Butcher Boy

His face changed it got all sort of pained and I liked him then it was like the old Mr Purcell he was trying to tell me something but he didn't know how. But it didn't matter for I knew what it was he was trying to say. It was all OK until she came along wasn't it Mr Purcell? It was fine until Mrs Nugent started interfering and causing trouble. That's the only reason she's giving you presents – isn't it Mr Purcell?

I looked him straight in the eye and I said: Its true isn't it?

His eyes looked kind of sad and he said: Francie.

I knew he wanted to say something else to me but couldn't because he knew Mrs Nugent was listening inside the sitting room.

I put my finger to my lips. I wanted him to know that I understood. He rubbed over his eye as if he had a headache and I knew by the way he looked at me it was his way of saying sorry. I smiled. It was good of Mr Purcell to do that. I had known all along the Purcells hadn't meant it to happen the way it did.

If only the Nugents hadn't come to the town, if only they had left us alone, that was all they had to do.

I didn't go home I walked around all night thinking what I was going to do. I slept for a while in the chickenhouse a thousand eyes wondered who's this sleeping in our woodchip world chick chicks I was going to say its me Francie but I was too tired.

When I woke up would you believe it the flies were at me now. Fuck off away from that stew I said and bam, got three of the bastards, two black splats on the lapel of my jacket, what do you think of that boys, I mean flies.

I HAD TEN BOB SO I WENT ROUND TO THE CARNIVAL TO THE shooting gallery. All you had to do was get three bullseyes in a row and you got the goldfish. There was a whole bunch of them swimming around with their bony mouths going here we are here we are. I steadied the butt against my shoulder and pulled the trigger ping!, I missed with the first one but everybody does, I thought the rifle range man was looking at me and thinking: That wasn't much of a shot. I turned around to give him a dirty look but he had his back to me and was talking away to some woman. Now I'm right I said, here wo go, three bullseyes in a row. I wonder how long it took Nugent to get them probably spent a fortune. Here we go I said but I missed again. I don't know what was wrong. I got a fifty but that was no good. I said to the rifle man: You have these guns rigged haven't you?

I knew that was what they did. They bent the barrel a tiny bit off so you would never hit the bullseye. You made sure to give Philip one of the good ones didn't you, I said. What? he says and starts laughing. I was going to go round to Leddy and ask him for another ten bob but then I thought: Why the fuck should I? Joe Purcell doesn't care if I bring him a goldfish. I said to myself: What the fuck are you at Francie – goldfish?

The rifle man had his hands spread on the counter staring at me: Well do you want another go or don't you?

I started laughing. No, I don't. You and your goldfish, I said. You and Philip Nugent are well met.

I must be going soft in the head I thought, worrying about goldfish. When I walked into that old school in Bundoran to see Francie, what was he going to say? Oh hello Francie – I hope you brought the goldfish!

He was. He was in his eyeball! Me and Joe had better things to do with our time than worry about goldfish.

Goldfish! we said, fuck off!

I went up to the convent school and took a bike from the shed the girls always left them behind. I lit a fag and hopped up on the saddle. I says to myself: So the John Wayne stuff is over is it? We'll soon see about that! Indeed we will! Puff puff and the fag goes flying over the ditch. Freewheel freewheel tick tick tick and away off down Church Hill. Take 'em to Missouri, men! Ting-a-ling-a-ling! Ting-a-ling-a-ling!

Off into the wind puffing fags and whistling away – My old man's a dustman he wears a dustman's hat! Hello there dandelions, fuck off! Chop go the heads with a cut of the stick excuse me just what do you think you're doing clip clip chop chop aaargh! what the fuck is going on where's our heads? Hee-yup!, I said and away again. An old woman emptying tea leaves into a drain hello there young fellow did you hear any more news she says. Any more news I says more news about what? Ach!, she says and scratches her backside, the communists ah says I what would I know about communists h'ho you won't be saying that when Mr Baldy Khruschev presses the button. And he's going to press it. Make no mistake!

She closed one eye. You think he won't?

She started laughing away to herself oho yes but I'm afraid its too late them that hasn't their peace made its no use them running whinging now. I told them that below in the shop get out the beads now says I for this time next week it'll be too late. We're not afraid of Khruschev they says. But be Christ they're afraid now! Its no joke now me son! she says. Come on in and we'll say the rosary and then you'll have a mug of tea before you set off on your travels!

Right missus I said and down we went on our knees. Thou O Lord wilt open my lips she says please dear Jesus save us from all harm don't let the world come to an end. She had her eyes closed she passed no remarks on me all I said was mm mm and icky backy wacky talk like what I used to do for Tiddly. In the name of the father and of the son and of the Holy Ghost Amen she says and says you're a very holy boy son now sit up there till I stick on this kettle right ma'am says I. This is a grand house I says to myself. Black kettle on the hob and a settle bed in the corner and looking out from under it Mr Chinese Eyes the cat glaring what are you doing here who the hell asked you in fuck off from about here this is my house! Here you are now she says man dear I said that's the best cut of bread ever and sank my teeth into it, gurgle more tea into the cup. Come on now she says there's more where that came from and maybe something a wee bit stronger when you've finished that if you're able for it. Then off she goes chuckling under the stairs and comes back with a bottle in a brown paper bag. You'll have a drop she says the cat was in a bad way when he heard that. When we had that drank we took more. Where are you off to she says Bundoran says I. Bundoran, she says, where the fleas ate the missioner!

Have another drop me son, its not the first time a sup of John Jameson passed your lips.

Then she throws open the window and shouts out: Go on Khruschev you baldy fucker! JFK is the man for you!

She told me she had six daughters and a son called Packy in England. He did well says I, he has a big job, hasn't he? He has, she says, oh our Packy did well for himself but how did you know that? Ten men under him says I and off she went looking for more whiskey all delighted and banging into things. I'm off to see Joe Purcell says I, Joe Purcell she says and who would he be. You can't beat a good friend she says, that was the first day I met him the day at the ice says I. You're the lucky man she says, there's not many of us in this world has friends the like of that. I know says I. Well there you are so you're off to see him now well more luck to you I wish I had a friend the like of that instead of that humpy get there standing at the door. What? says I and when I looked round who was standing there only this farmer in turned-down Wellingtons pulling at his cap well he says that's that they've said no by this time next week there won't be a bullock left standing in that field we've had it every man woman child and beast in this townland!

It was just as well he turned up for when I looked out it was starting to get dark be the fuck says I its time I was off. The farmer looks at me and her with his mouth open. Good luck now ma'am says I all you could hear was indeed I did have aglasheen of whiskey and neither you nor Baldy Khruschev nor anyone else'll stop me!