Patrick McCabe - The Butcher Boy

Da Pig told him and he poured the drinks. He said it was a cold enough day. Da Pig said it was and nobody said anything more after that. There was a picture of a whiskery sealion balancing a bottle of stout on its nose I looked at that for a long time. Ma just sat there with her chin in on her chest afraid to look up. Every time Da Pig raised his little finger the barman filled up his glass. It was dark outside when he came back from the toilet. He clattered against the stool and the barman said: You'd be as well to get him home.

Yes, said ma, and the barman kept his eyes on us until we got up and took him out. Ma said try your best son then she put one of his arms around her shoulders and I took the other then off we went with his legs trailing and the two wee piggy eyes set away back in a ball of pink skin, and them all standing at their doors with their arms folded look there they go that's them crossing the Diamond. Hey! Hey! Hullo! Pigs! Pigs! Yoo-hoo!

Ah look aren't they great, the Mammy Pig, the Daddy Pig and Baby Pig, three little piggies huffing and puffing all the way home!

Will you forgive me I was going to say yes da but I was away off swinging by the heel again and the Roman soldier with the sword who was it only Leddy he flicked away the butt of his cigarette and said something to me but I couldn't make out what it was then he just raised the sword and brought it down and cut me in two halves.

One half could see the other but they were both just dangling there on the meat rack.

Then who comes out of the shadows only Joe but he didn't see me just walked on out through the doorway of the slaughterhouse into the light.

When I woke there's Walter you're going to be all right Francie he says and the nurse holds out more tablets. Doc, I said, that bastard down there says you're going to put holes in my head. Your man must have heard me for I seen him away out the door like a light. There was no more Time Lord or any of that stuff after they gave me tablets. An odd time they'd take me down to the room and hand me bits of paper all blotted with ink. What do you think about that says the doc. You won't be writing any more messages on that paper I says. Why not says the doc lifting the specs. Its destroyed I says, look at it. Hmm hmm. In the school for docs that's what they taught them. Lift your specs and repeat after me – hmm hmm!

For a while I was all jiggy, stuffed up inside with hedgehog needles but the tablets must have done the trick for one day when I seen your man outside in the grounds I went after him. Hey, I shouts, cunthooks! He let on he didn't hear me and starts walking real fast in behind the kitchens. But I went round the far side and what a land he got when he seen me in front of him. I'll give you fucking holes in the head now you bastard! I said. I was only taking a hand at him I wouldn't have done anything but what does he start then only all this stuff about Cavan people. There's not one of them he says wouldn't give you the last halfpenny out of their pocket. The best men ever walked in this hospital he says are the Cavan men! Then he looks up at me with these big eyes, you're not going to batter me are you? But I wasn't. I wasn't going to do anything I was off to make baskets and paint pictures for that was what they had me at now. Only what I made, I don't know whether you'd call them baskets or not. That's a good basket says this fellow beside me not a screed of hair on his head. Then out of nowhere he starts on about women. What do they do he says they take you down a long garden path and away in behind a tree. Then they say do you remember the day you rang me on the telephone and I laughed and you laughed and then ma laughed and we were all laughing. That was a good day! That's women for you!

It is, I says. Some basket it was he was making, I thought mine was bad. All bits of sticks stuck out of it all over the place. When we went to Mass what does he do when the priest is holding up the Eucharist. He stands up and shouts at the top of his voice – Good man yourself! Now you have it – run! Into the back of the net with her! By Christ this year's team is the best yet!

You'll have to take these says Walter then there won't be a bother on you. It was like when the warden shakes hands with the prisoner and says goodbye at the gates and goes back in smiling thinking how great his job is until he hears the next day the prisoner has just chopped up a few more people. But it wasn't like that at all for I had no intention of chopping up anyone. I was off home and no more about Cavan bastards or baskets or holes in the head or any of that stuff. I'd had it with all that carry-on. Me and Walter were shaking hands and for a minute I forgot myself and says in a deep Yank voice waal Doc I guess this is goodbye. I quit that fairly sharpish when I seen Walter looking at me and wondering should he change his mind and whip me back in for more tablets and maybe the drill this time. No thanks Walter. Well goodbye Francie, we'll see you again soon. He said they'd be over to see me every month or so to see what I was up to. He said I'd be having a good few visitors over the next while to see what was going to happen. What, off to the school for pigs again I says, out to fuck with that Doc, I mean no thanks Doc. Ah no he says you won't be going back there. Best thing to do is wait and see Francis. Right so Doc and off I went down the hill in the coach. Whee! I shouts, Take 'ern to Missouri men and this old crab looks at me out from behind her Woman's Weekly.

Go and shave your tache Missus I shouts and what a face! But what did I care! Wheee away down the hill and your mickey going man that's great keep doing that.

Well I just couldn't believe it. Pilchards? Not one to be seen. Flies? Gone forever. Tiles – you could see your face in them. And the smell of polish! The whole house had been cleaned, a million times cleaner than ever I could have made it! I went away off up the street and who did I meet only Mrs Connolly with a grin swinging between her ears like a skipping rope. Well Francis did you see the house? I certainly did Mrs Connolly I said. She touched me on the forearm and says don't you worry your head now Francis, I'll be in and out to give it the odd dusting for you.

I said thank you very much Mrs Connolly and what did she say then only ah God love you sure who have you now they're all gone I thought what did she have to say that for what did you have to say that for?

I looked at her for a minute but then I said no I'll say nothing I just said thanks again Mrs Connolly its very good of you to be so kind. Ah sure wouldn't any decent neighbour do the same? she said and gives me this look you'd think she was dying for a shite but was holding it in. Once I seen her and the women talking to Mrs Cleary from the Terrace after she came home from hospital with the baby that looked like something out of a horror film. It had a claw instead of a hand. She was saying ah God love you to her too and tickling the baby inside the blanket saying sure isn't she a lovely little baba altogether I'll be down to the house this evening with them bits of clothes and odds and ends of our Sheila's I promised you. All you could hear was Mrs Cleary saying thanks oh thank you very much I don't know how many times she said thank you and Mrs Connolly ah sure not at all its the least we can do when Mrs Cleary went I heard her saying poor Mrs Cleary God love her I don't think she knows what end of her is up half the time, I seen two of her other wains running about the street last night at eight o'clock and them with hardly a stitch on them!

She's just not able, God love her, the other women said.

They all stood there looking after her as she went down the street then Mrs Connolly said its not right God forgive me I dread to think what my Sean would say if I came home from hospital with a thing the like of that!