Patrick McCabe - The Butcher Boy

Every weekend now me and the drunk lad went off up the town da didn't mind I always made sure to put a blanket round him and make sure and tell him where I was going he said if you see any of the Tower Bar crowd tell them I was asking for them. I said I would then off I went. We went up to the Diamond Bar and he says I know you and you know me with his arm round me. Dink donk went the music take me back to Mayo the land where I was born. You're only a pack of baaastaaards! shouts the drunk lad. There was darts and this government is the worst yet and will you have another ah I won't ah you will and here is the news crisis in Cuba it all twisted in and out of itself till I got a pain in my head on top of everything else where are you going he shouts come back! I went out to the river and in the backroads. I went up to the cafe to see if there was anyone in there but it was all locked up with the lights out. I wanted to stand on the Diamond and cry out: Can you hear me? but I didn't know what it was I wanted them to hear. Then I went round the back of the chemist's shop and got in. It was good in there. I said to myself: What are all these cameras doing in here? Cameras – why aren't you in a camera shop not a chemists!

I had a good laugh at that. I laughed so much I thought I'd better see if a few of these tablets can help me to stop laughing. There were all kinds in little fat brown jars. They were like little footballers in two-tone jerseys. What were they called? I don't know. Flip, in they went faster than Tiddly's Rolos. Next thing you'd be all woozy as if you were turning into treacle. There was this girl in the photograph something to do with sun tan oil, walking across the white powder sand with a towel in her hand. She smiled at me and said: Francie, then her lips made a soft silent pop. I could feel the heat of the sun coming through the waving palm trees behind her. I felt so sleepy. She said: Its a pity you can't stay.

Yes, I said that's the thing I'd like to do most in the world is stay with you.

I know, she said, only for your Uncle Alo's coming home. If she hadn't said it I don't think I'd have remembered at all. You'd better hurry Francie! she says. Go on! Go on now! Quickly! You don't want to let him down do you? I was skating about the shop like a spit on a range getting nowhere. I'll have to think, I said. Then it dawned on me that there wasn't a thing in the house. I climbed back out the window and for a minute I didn't know whether it was a street at all or what it was I'd lost the name for it. But then it was all right its OK Francie down the street you go. Whiz, away I went. I knocked up the home bakery but not a sound so in I went round the back. I filled my arms with cakes as many as I could carry. I searched up and down for butterfly buns but not a sign. The best I could find was creamy cones. I thought: He'll like them so I'll get a dozen.

I got into the shed at the back of the Tower for some whiskey. I was glowing with all this excitement. For fuck's sake! Imagine me forgetting that! The hundreds and thousands! So I had to go back to the bakery to get them! I took down the flypaper and put up a new one. There was no shortage of flypapers. There was a smell the dogs must have been in again so I had to go back up to the chemists now too. I took anything I could lay my hands on. I got perfume and air freshener and talcum powder and that got rid of it. You couldn't have people coming into a house with a smell the like of that. The perfume and powder made a big difference. I stacked up all the cakes into a big castle ready to topple. House of Cakes. I squeezed da's arm. Not long now, I says, whizzing up and down the kitchen and looking out the window down the lane. Still no sign. I drank some whiskey. Next thing what did I hear only the sound of a car door closing. Da! I shouted. I was all hot and red and bothered but it was great. There you are! I says as they all trooped in. They were all red-cheeked too with the snow speckled on their overcoats and their arms out will you look who it is they says Francie Brady a happy Christmas to all in this house! And who's there at the front only Mary all smiles. Any sign of Alo? she says. She had a half pound bag of dolly mixtures with her. No, not yet Mary, I says but it won't be long now. Do you know what Francie I just can't wait to see him she says, I'll bet you didn't know I was in love with him. I'll bet you didn't know that!

That's where you're wrong, Mary, I said. I did know – I knew all along!

Twenty years in Camden this Winter now who'd have believed it the corks popped and we all got round the piano and waited for him. Just where has that brother of mine got to says da, dear oh dear but he's an awful man! Give us a song Mary while we're waiting he said right she says and flexed her fingers then away off into Tyrone Among The Bushes. I sang a bit of it then whiz away off to get another drink. I was just opening the bottle when who's there in the doorway only Alo in his blue suit and the red handkerchief in his breast pocket. Alo, says da, the man himself and threw his arms around him. Let me look at you he says and then they were off into their stories. I'll tell you a better one says Da, will you ever forget the time we robbed the presbytery orchard? Do you remember that Alo? Do I remember says Alo, will I ever forget? More tea, says I, and help yourselves to the cakes there's plenty more. Alo put his hands on Mary's shoulders and sang When you were sweet sixteen. Then what does Mary do only stand up and throw her arms around him. Oh, Alo, she says, I love you. I want you to marry me. Hooray and they all cheered and clapped. Is everyone all right for cakes I called from the scullery. That's Alo! said da. Alo stood there holding Mary and looking into her eyes. I looked outside and the snow was coming down. I thought I heard the children playing outside but they couldn't be it was too late. Right who's for another song says Alo and cleared his throat. I was going to say more cakes anyone but I'd said that already. I wondered was the puddle in the lane frozen over. Of course it was. Mary was sitting on Alo's knee stroking his face as he sang. The hum of the voices filled the kitchen. I flew round the place chatting to them all and saying more cakes are you enjoying yourselves isn't it great to see Alo home? Ten men under him, I said. I clapped and clapped and cried hooray.

I didn't know who the sergeant was at first. I just looked out and he was standing in the yard with his long raincoat on. He was staring in at me too. His face was kind of fuzzed like he was underwater. I just about knew it was him and no more.

Alo said to Mary: Just a minute and came over to me. He reached out and said: Its all right Francie.

I said Please Alo, can you help me?

But he couldn't help me because it wasn't Alo. It was Doctor Roche.

Oh Alo, I said. I didn't see the others leave. They had gone without saying goodbye. I looked around for da but he was gone too. The flies were at the cakes on the piano.

I cold feel a cold hand touching me. It was cold as Da's forehead. There were all kind of voices they went by like strands of smoke.

Alo, I said.

The sergeant was saying something to another policeman. He said: Maggots – they're right through him.

The other policeman said: Sweet Mother of Christ.

Its all Francie said Doctor Roche. I didn't mean to do any harm, I said. I know he said and he rolled up my sleeve. It was only a tiny pinprick and then I was lying back on a bed of snowdrops.

There you are said Joe, I was looking for you. I could hear the whisper of water close by.

Its the river, I said. Joe didn't even turn around.

Of course its the river he says. What did you expect – the Rio Grande?

That fucking bastard Sergeant Sausage! He did it again! Had he nothing better to do than drive around the county dropping me in these skips? I think – ah I'll just get out the car and durr-ive Francie Brady off to another kiphouse with a hundred windows how do you like it now, Francie? H'ho! H'ha! They'll put manners on you there!