Kody Keplinger: The DUFF: Designated Ugly Fat Friend

Talk? I thought. Yeah, not likely.

I swear, I tried not to listen. I knew hearing them flirt would only get me worked up, but Vikki’s squeaky voice carries, and they were standing really close to me, and yeah, a masochistic little part of me couldn’t stop myself. I started arranging the textbooks in the bottom of my locker, trying to make enough noise that I wouldn’t be able to hear their conversation.

“What are you doing for prom?” Vikki asked.

“I don’t have any plans,” Wesley answered.

I shuffled my papers loudly, hoping that, even if I couldn’t drown out their words, they would notice me and take the make-out session elsewhere. I mean, they weren’t groping each other yet, but I knew both of them well enough to be sure it wouldn’t take long.

“Well,” Vikki said, either not hearing me or just not caring. “I thought maybe we could go together.” I didn’t have to look to know she was scraping her long, polished fingernails lightly down Wesley’s arm. Vikki used the same moves on every guy. “I thought maybe after the dance we could have a little time alone… at your place, maybe?”

I had the serious desire to puke. I grabbed my books, slammed my locker shut, and prepared to bolt toward my next class before I had to hear Wesley say yes. Let them have each other! I thought bitterly. STDs all around! To hell with it. But he answered before I could even take a step.

“I don’t think so, Vikki.”

I froze.

What? What? Rewind for a second, please. Did Wesley really turn down a girl? A girl who was perfectly willing to fuck his brains out? I had to be dreaming.

Vikki seemed to be experiencing a similar reaction. “What? What do you mean?”

“I’m just not interested,” Wesley said. “But I’m sure you have plenty of other boys who would love to join you. Sorry.”

“Oh.” Vikki stumbled out of the alcove with a look of hurt surprise. “It’s, um, okay. Not a problem. Just thought I’d offer.” She hesitated for a second. “I guess I’ll see you later? Gotta go to class. Bye.” And she took off down the hall, obviously confused.

She wasn’t the only one.

Was this the difference Amy had been talking about? Was Wesley suddenly inclined to be less man-whorish? If so, how was that because of me?

I stared as Wesley walked out of the alcove. Then, for the first time in days, he looked at me. His eyes locked with mine. A weak smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, but the expression in his eyes was unreadable. I could tell he wasn’t angry, though. That fact sent instant relief through my tense muscles.

Knowing he wasn’t pissed at me made the guilt ebb a little… but not entirely. I’d still said some cold things to him, and in that second, as I held his gaze, I thought of speaking, of apologizing. I thought about it, but I didn’t say a word.

Wesley took a step toward me, and I suddenly remembered who I was-who he was. While Wesley’s rejecting Vikki was undeniably surprising, it didn’t change the fact that I didn’t have a chance with him; he would never want a real relationship… especially not with me. And then there was the fact that I was dating Toby. Plus, I knew that communicating with Wesley would just make my steadily improving life complicated again. I wouldn’t punish myself that way.

I spun around and started running down the hallway, pretending I didn’t hear him call after me.

I slowed when I turned down another hallway and saw Toby (my boyfriend? I wasn’t sure how this worked) waiting for me by the old, out-of-order snack machines. He smiled and adjusted his glasses, and I could tell he was genuinely pleased to see me. Was I equally happy to see him? I was. Of course I was, but the smile on my face felt artificial.

Toby’s arm wrapped around my shoulders when I got close enough. “Hey.”

“Hi,” I sighed.

He leaned down and kissed me on the lips before asking, “Is it okay if I walk you to class?”

I glanced over my shoulder at the emptying hallway. “Sure,” I murmured, facing forward again. I leaned my head on his shoulder. “That sounds… perfect.”

A few days later, I found Jessica waiting for me outside my third-block calculus class. “Can we talk on the way to English?” she asked without the usual bob in her step or swing to her hair. I could tell something was up by the way she bit her lower lip.

“Um, sure,” I said, shifting my books under my right arm. Seeing my perpetually perky friend looking so solemn made me uneasy. “Is something wrong?”

“Kinda,… not really.”

We shoved our way through the packed halls together, trying not to step on too many people’s toes. I waited for Jessica to speak, my curiosity and anxiety rising. I really wanted to say, “Hurry up! Out with it!” Luckily, though, she started talking before my legendary low patience ran out.

“It’s about you and Toby. I just don’t think you’re right together.” She said it so fast that I wasn’t sure if I’d heard her at first. “I’m sorry, Bianca,” she moaned. “It’s not any of my business, but I don’t see a spark there, you know? And Casey totally disagrees with me. She says you’re better with Toby, and she might be right, but… I don’t know. You don’t seem like yourself when you’re with him. Please don’t be mad.”

I shook my head, trying to fight my sudden urge to laugh. That was it? That was what she was worried about? I’d seriously thought someone was dying or, at the least, her Mom had forbidden her going to prom. Instead, it turned out that she was worried about me. “Jessica, I’m not mad at you at all.”

“Oh, good,” she breathed. “I was really scared you would get p.o.’ed at me.”

Ouch. Was I that bitchy? So horrible that one of my best friends was afraid to tell me her opinion because I might go into a rage or something? God, that made me feel like shit.

“It’s not that I don’t like Toby,” Jessica continued. “I do. He’s sweet, and he’s nice to you, and I know you need that after… after my brother.”

My heart may have actually stopped beating for a second there. I stopped right where I was and, after a stunned pause, whirled around to stare at Jessica. “How do you…?” I managed to whisper.

“Jake told me,” she said. “I was telling him about my friends when your name came up, and he told me about your thing a few years ago. He feels horrible about it now, and he wanted me to apologize for him, but I didn’t want to bring it up. I’m sorry, Bianca. It must be really hard for you to be my friend after what Jake did.”

“That’s not your fault.”

“I just can’t believe you didn’t say anything. It must have been on your mind when Jake came to visit. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to think less of your brother,” I said. “I know you think a lot of him, and I didn’t want to ruin that.”

Jessica didn’t say anything. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around me, hugging me as close to her as humanly possible. It was a little awkward at first, especially considering the fact that Jessica’s giant boobs were practically smothering me, but I gradually fell into her embrace. My arms slid around her waist, returning the hug. Knowing I had someone who would hold me like this, with nothing to gain, made me feel like one of the luckiest people in the world.

“I love you, Bianca.”

“Um, what was that?”

Jessica released me and took a step back. “I love you,” she said. “You and Casey both. You’re the best friends I’ve ever had, and I don’t know where I’d be if you two hadn’t come along my sophomore year. I’d probably still be letting those preppy girls walk all over me.” She looked down at her feet. “You two always try to protect me, like not telling me about what an a-hole my brother was. And I want to do the same thing for you.”