Fannie Flagg - Standing in the Rainbow

After all, it was the first time he had really needed her in eight years. Maybe it would not be so bad. She did get to keep the house and he had promised to swear on the Bible that this was the last time; he had never done that before. Maybe it could be like it used to be.

She hoped so. Because for better or worse, she was still in love with her husband.

Earl Finley called Vita, screaming at the top of his lungs. "That sorry son of a bitch promised me he would support Boofer. We had a deal and now he's harpooned me in the back. You tell that son of a bitch that I'll get him if it's the last thing I ever do."

"I'll tell him, Earl," Vita said.

"I could kill him with my bare hands."

"I know how you must feel. Believe me, I was shocked. Just shocked when I heard." Vita put the phone down, smiling. To hear a man who had done nothing all his life but pull one dirty deal after another so incensed and outraged that it had happened to him was highly amusing.

Minnie Oatman was in Pine Mountain, Georgia, at a Singing on the Mountain when she heard the news. She had just finished doing her new hit, "I Love to Tell the Story," when someone came running out onstage and handed her a note. She then threw her hands up in the air and called out to the boys, "PRAISE JESUS, YOUR SISTER IS GONNA BE GOVERNOR!"

When it was announced to the public that Hamm was running his wife, the news was met with mixed reactions. The people who were for him laughed and winked at each other, tickled that their man had pulled one over the big shots. The rest were furious. They felt Hamm was making a fool of himself and them. But for him or against him, the announcement caused a loud stir. This was news. So far in the entire his tory of the United States, there had only been two women governors and they both had been elected back in 1924. In a special election, Nellie Ross of Wyoming had succeeded her husband after he had died in office, and Miriam Ferguson of Texas had stepped in after her husband was impeached for misappropriating funds. In 1964 women in politics were still considered a novelty, as well as something of a joke. The Fergusons of Texas were laughingly called Ma and Pa Ferguson and when it was joked that Missouri now had a new Ma and Pa team, Hamm loved it. The national magazines had a field day, coming down and taking pictures of him in an apron and with a feather duster in his hand. And they all wanted to interview Betty Raye but everyone on staff was instructed, "For God's sake, whatever you do, keep her away from the press!"

Contrary to what Hamm had promised, Betty Raye was immediately picked and poked at by a slew of hairdressers and makeup artists and dress designers Cecil brought in to "improve her image," as he put it. Not that she had an image, as he also said. After endless hours of Betty Raye trying on dress after dress, "look" after "look," and standing there while Cecil and his friends argued back and forth, it was decided they would go with the Jackie Kennedy style, simple little knit suits and pillbox hats. But it turned out not to be a good look for someone with glasses. So the second thing Cecil did was to convince her that she simply must get contact lenses. "Darling, you have such beautiful eyes and you'll take a much better picture, trust me." What resulted was a disaster. At her first big press conference she stood beside Hamm, her hair in what was supposed to have been some hairdresser's version of a Jackie Kennedy flip and looking extremely uncomfortable, squinting and blinking her eyes in pain. Then right in the middle of Hamm's speech one lens popped out and Betty Raye panicked. "I've lost one!" she said and frantically started searching around the bustline of her dress to see if she could find it. A reporter turned to another and asked, "What did she lose?"

The second man said, "I don't know, buddy, but I'm afraid to ask."

What followed next were long days of running up and down every road in Missouri, packed in cars with trucks following behind carrying sound equipment, banners, folding chairs, a portable stage, and Le Roy Oatman and the Missouri Plowboys, who had been pulled back in for the occasion. Betty Raye would sit in the car and read until Seymour came to get her and escort her to the stage, where she would go to the microphone and say, "We are so pleased to be with you today and it is also my pleasure to introduce you to my number one adviser, my husband, your governor, Hamm Sparks," at which point she would sit down and Hamm would talk for the next forty-five minutes while she sat behind him, waiting to be taken back to the car and head to the next stop.

Hamm was attacked from all quarters. Carnie Boofer banged his fists.

"This hoax Sparks is trying to pull on the voters of Missouri is an insult and an embarrassment to every woman in America." Editorials accused Hamm of using the state as a patsy and of trying to ride back in office by hanging on to his wife's skirt tail Everybody in the state and out had an opinion about the matter. Back in Elmwood Springs, the morning Dorothy heard she was running, even though she had a strict rule and never endorsed a political candidate on her show, she did say this: "It looks like our Betty Raye is running for governor and we just could not be happier. I don't know of a sweeter and nicer girl in the world."

But Doc and Jimmy were of a different opinion. One night the two of them were out on the porch when Doc said, "That girl shouldn't be dragged through all that mess. What is he thinking about?"

Jimmy said, "It's a hell of a mean trick to pull on a nice lady, that's for sure."

"He ought to be horsewhipped."

"Or something."

Jimmy did not say what he really wanted to do. He had hated Hamm Sparks with a passion ever since that Christmas four years ago when he had been visiting his buddies at the veterans hospital in Kansas City, where the name of Hamm Sparks had come up quite by accident. His friends had handed him a present and when he'd unwrapped the box there were twelve cartons of cigarettes inside. One of his friends said, "Don't thank us, thank the governor." Another said, "Yeah, he's over here all the time to see his lady friend. Since they took up, we get a lot of attention."

"He's a vet, so when he's in town he comes over and throws a few cartons of cigarettes our way. She's one of those society women, a looker, from her pictures in the pa perI guess he got tired of gospel singing. Yes, he's been showing up over here quite a bit. Can't say I blame him. I hear she's put a lot of money behind him she and those people she runs with…"

Jimmy nodded and lit one of his own cigarettes. "Is that so?" He was thinking, Why that no-good, sorry little son of a bitch.

He did not mention that he knew Hamm or Betty Raye. A boy in a wheelchair said, "Hey, I wouldn't kick a good-looking rich woman out of bed, would you? Hell, I wouldn't kick any woman out of bed, I don't care what she looks like."

They laughed and then the conversation changed. Most of the men were paraplegic and would never sleep with a woman again.

When Jimmy left the hospital and got to the Greyhound station to catch his bus back home, he tossed the cartons of cigarettes to an old fellow sitting outside the building. "Here, buddy. Merry Christmas." Jimmy loved to smoke but he'd be damned before he took anything from Hamm Sparks. It was all he could do to keep from going after him with a baseball bat.

Of course, there were a few obstacles to overcome. A vote for Hamm Sparks was one thing but there were some men out there who would never vote for a woman even if she was just a surrogate candidate stand-in or not, she was still a female. But the majority of the Democrats came through and Betty Raye won the primaries without a problem. Then came the Republicans to battle for the election in November.