Fannie Flagg - Standing in the Rainbow

Vita had invited people over for dinner and they were still in the living room having after-dinner drinks but her maid Bridget came in and said, "Mrs. Green, the archbishop is on the phone and said he needs to speak to you right away." Vita excused herself and took Hamm's call in her bedroom. When she heard what he was thinking she threw her head back and laughed with delight at his crazy idea. But he was more excited and enthusiastic about this than he had been about anything lately and was talking a mile a minute.

"Listen, Vita, it would be the same thing as me buying a house and putting it in somebody else's name. Wouldn't it? It would still be mine. I'd still be the governor… it would just be in a different name, that's all… So what do you think?"

She was still laughing so hard she could not answer.

"I'm not joking, I'm serious."

"I know you are, Hamm."

"What do you think?"

"Well," she said, "it's a completely insane idea… but it would almost be worth it just to see the look on Earl's face when you announced it."

She wiped the tears from her eyes. "Oh God, you've made me laugh so hard I've ruined my makeup."

"So, Vitashould I do it?"

"Why not," she said. "Go ahead and try. What do you have to lose? If nothing else, it will be fun to watch."

He came back into the office, sat down, and said, "I think we should do it."

After he got everyone to agree, Hamm pushed a button on the phone and said in a syrupy voice, "Betty Raye, could you come down here for a minute?"

They heard her answer over the speakerphone: "Hamm, I'm already in my nightgown."

"That's alright, honey, put your robe on and come on down the back stairs. I need to talk to you."

Rodney looked grim. "She ain't gonna go along with this, I can tell you that."

Hamm said, "Yes, she will. But now, you boys have got to help me out here, make her see how it's our only chance."

Betty Raye could not imagine what Hamm wanted with her at this hour or what he wanted, period, but she put on her robe and, wearing the big fuzzy pink bunny slippers that Ferris, her youngest boy, had given her for Christmas, went down the back stairs. When she opened the door she was startled to see a room full of men. She clutched at the neck of her robe. "Oh, I didn't know you had people here."

"That's all right, come on in, Betty Raye, and have a seat," said the spider to the fly.

As she reluctantly walked in she became even more uncomfortable. All the men in the room turned and stared at her as if they had never seen her before, including her husband.

"Is anything wrong?" she asked.

"No, not a thing, sweetheart. The boys and I just want to talk to you about a little something."

An hour later they were upstairs in the bedroom and Betty Raye was crying.

"How could you do this? You gave me your word that this was the last time. Just four more years, you said."

"I know I did, honey, but you heard what the boys said. I've got to finish what I started. If I don't, Earl Finley will undo everything I did and those roads will never get built. I owe it to the folks that voted for me… and you running for me is our only chance, our only hope."

"Oh, but Hamm, the whole thing is ridiculous. I don't know anything about politics much less how to be a governor."

"You don't have to know anything. You wouldn't really be the governor, you'd just be standing in for me."

She went over to the dresser to get another Kleenex. "And that's another thing. I'm the mother of two children. I don't want to be involved in some scam, something that's illegal."

"But it is legal. Wendell told you it was."

"Maybe so. But it's totally dishonest. To pretend to be the governor when I'm not. What will people think?"

"Honey, it's not dishonest. People will know they're voting for me. And people will thank you. You know how high my ratings are. They would vote for me anyway if it were not for that stupid law. You're doing everybody a favor. Wendell told you that."

"Well then, why doesn't Wendell run?"

"Because, honey."

"I'll tell you why. Because everybody knows he's got good sense and I'm just an idiot you can push around. That's why."

"Oh now, Betty."

"And what about my house? I've waited eight years… and you promised me, just four more years, you said."

He came over and sat down on the bed. "I know I did, sweetheart, and I'm just as sick about it as you are. But we have a duty to the people."

"But what about us? We're people. What about the boys? I wanted them to have a normal life for a change. They never see you. I never see you."

"But, honey, this is about the boys. And their future. I don't want them to have a daddy that failed. My name is all I have to leave them. I want to make sure for their sake the Hamm Sparks name is one they can be proud of. I owe it to them."

He could see she was now at least listening. He pulled out his big guns. "Betty Raye, I'm ashamed to tell you this but I haven't been completely honest with you. I was seriously thinking of running again in sixty-eight. But now I know it would be too late. If I don't hang in there now, while I still have a foothold, and fight now for everything good I did, all the work and sweat and sacrifice will be for nothing. And honest to God, Betty Raye, I don't think I could take it. You're the only hope I have… Do you think I've enjoyed being away from you and the children so much? No. But if you stick with me one more time."

"Hamm, don't. I've heard that before."

"I know you have. Butand I mean this if you will do this, I will swear on my life, on my children's life, that I will never run for governor again. I'll swear it on the Bible in front of the Missouri Supreme Court if you want me to."

Another hour of Betty Raye crying, with Hamm pleading, went by and Betty Raye was beginning to weaken.

"Hamm, please don't make me do this. If you do, then you might as well get a gun and shoot me right now, because I'll just die if I have to get up there and make speeches."

"You won't have to do a thing just stand up, introduce me, and sit down. That's all you have to do. Other than that, everything will be exactly the same as it always was. The only difference is this time you and I will be together twenty-four hours a day. I'll be right by your side all the time; all you have to do is just be my silent partner. Why, if I was to take a regular job I'd be gone every day and we'd never see each other. Don't you see, honey, this way we can be close like we used to be. You'd like that, wouldn't you? "

"Yes, you know I would but."

"It's just four little years and then I can leave knowing I've done the best job I could and we'd be done with politics forever."

She swallowed hard. "Are you sure it's the only way?"

"You heard what Wendell said. If you don't do it the whole state will suffer."

She teared up again. "But what about my house? I bought so many nice things… it was going to be so pretty…"

"I'll tell you what. You can keep the house."

"Really?" she said.

"Sure. It will wait, it ain't gonna go anywhere. And you and Cecil can decorate to your heart's content. Then when the term is over, we will walk out this door and move right in. In the meantime you and the kids and I can go over and spend the night or the weekend anytime you want. Or you and I can go over by ourselves and leave the kids with Alberta. It can be sort of like our love nest. What do you say? Will you do this one last thing for me?"

She looked at him. "No speeches?"

"None."

"Do you swear?"

"I swear. On the Bible."

She moaned. "Oh, God, Hamm, I can't believe I'm letting you talk me into this. But if it's really for the good of the state…"

And so, at 2:34 A.M." the woman in pink fuzzy bunny slippers agreed to run for governor. He looked at her, genuinely grateful. "Oh, thank you, honey, you won't regret it. I know I haven't been the best of husbands but from now on things will be different, you'll see. I promise." He kissed her and quickly jumped up and ran off to the office. As she sat on the bed and blew her nose with a fresh Kleenex she wondered what she was in for now. She sat there for a while and tried to think about what Hamm had said. Maybe he was right, maybe this would bring them closer together.