Miasha: Secret Society

“Michael, sit down,” I said.

I remained standing while Michael sat back down on my couch. I looked at him and he looked at me. He loved me so much I could see it all on his face and it was scary.

“Michael, I really love you. I could marry you today. You are everything I could ever ask for in a man. But I been keeping something from you that I can’t keep any longer. And I know that when I tell you, you’ll probably leave me alone forever. I know I might lose the only true love I ever had, but I have to tell you because I want to be fair with you and you really deserve better.”

I took a deep breath and said, “I’m a…a…” I began to cry before I could get it out.

“I’m a man,” I said finally.

“What?”

I stood there crying, waiting for his response. He stood up.

“You’re a what? A man?”

I burst into tears and reached out to grab Michael. He pushed my arms out of his way.

“I don’t understand, Celess. What are you telling me?”

“Michael, I was born a boy. Technically, I’m a man. I mean, I’m a woman on the inside, but I have male parts…” I was trying my best to explain.

“Male parts? So you’re saying you have a…” Michael said, not able to complete his sentence.

I nodded yes as I sobbed uncontrollably.

“How could you do this to me, Celess? How could you lie to me about some shit like that? Are you crazy?”

“Michael, I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry. It’s just that Tina and me, we’ve been doing this since we were teenagers. I really want to be a woman, I do. It’s like I was born in the wrong body. Everything about me is feminine. Look at me. I work hard at this. I’m a gay man. I don’t want to be, but it’s who I am. I really wish I could snap my fingers and become a woman, but I can’t. I plan on getting the operation, but in time. It’s not something that you decide overnight,” I cried, trying my best to explain a complicated situation.

Michael stood stiffly as he listened to me. He was taking it all in, every word.

Then his face frowned up and he asked, “Are you saying I slept with a man?”

“I’m sorry, Michael,” I whimpered.

“Well, what the hell does that make me? A faggot?” he asked, not looking for an answer.

I kept quiet as I held my hands over my face.

“I can’t believe this shit! How?” Michael asked, still in shock.

“Michael, I could have just left and went to L.A. without even telling you,” I said, trying to show him that I really did care about him.

“What?” Michael shouted. “So you think you’re doing me a favor? You pretend to be a woman for four months, you use me, take my money, you make love to me. You made love to me, what was that, Celess? Huh? How did you make love to me?” Michael asked, looking to me for a response.

“I don’t want to go into that right now, Michael, and that’s not important, anyway,” I told him, not wanting to add fuel to the fire.

“Not important? Are you sick or something? Really, are you mentally ill? You tell me that you are a man with a dick, but how you made love to me is not important. Are you hearing yourself? IT IS IMPORTANT, CELESS!” he screamed.

I could see rage in Michael’s eyes as he snatched his coat from off my love seat. He walked past me, disgusted. He did not look at me, but from what I could see, he was crying. On his way out, he picked up a glass vase that sat on a pedestal in the foyer and threw it at the wall. The slam of the door was the last thing I heard. I threw myself on my couch. I clenched my fists and started punching myself on my legs. I was crying uncontrollably. I was hurting.

Tina got to my house three days after Christmas as planned, and for the entire two days that she’d been there, Michael was all I talked about.

“It’s not the end of the world, Celess,” Tina said.

“He hasn’t answered any of my calls. I left him message after message. He knows my flight leaves tomorrow and he still won’t talk to me.”

“You are about to go to L.A. and start a whole new life. It’s about time you leave all of this drama behind, anyway,” Tina said as she helped me place my clothes in suitcases.

“I just hate that it has to be this way. Why couldn’t he have been with it?” I was thinking aloud. Tears began to form.

“Celess, when are you going to let go of the sensitive shit? Damn, you ain’t changed a bit,” Tina said. “Just be glad all you got was a smack and a broken vase. Shit, it could have been worse.”

I sighed. “I know.”

“Just cheer up. Tonight we’re gonna bring the New Year in right! Just like old times! We’re hittin’ up every club, every bar, and every party in the city! It’s gonna be on and poppin’!” Tina yelled.

I wiped my eyes and smiled. I slapped Tina’s hand. I was trying to convince myself that everything was going to be okay, but deep down inside I knew it wasn’t.

“That’s cute,” I told Tina, complimenting her on her fur coat.

It was a sporty baby pink, blue, and white short rabbit with a baby pink ribbed collar and cuffs. She wore a pair of fitted low-rider Diesel jeans and a wife beater. To match her coat she had on a pair of baby pink Manolo Blahnik Tim boots. She looked fly.

“Thank you,” Tina said as she whirled around, slowly modeling the coat. “That jacket is hot too,” she said, returning the compliment.

I was in a short black leather Harley-Davidson coat with a fox collar, a pair of Seven jeans, and a red big-neck sheer sweater. I had on some red pointy-toe Prada stilettos and a matching oversized bag. We both looked sporty but fly.

Tina was in the powder room putting on her final touches, eyelashes, and makeup. I was in the living room moving my luggage to the foyer. Our flight was scheduled to depart from Philadelphia at ten-twenty in the morning, so I wanted to have everything ready and by the door. Especially since we knew we were going to get home drunk as skunks and have no time or balance to do anything in the morning. We already had a town car scheduled to pick us up from my house at eight o’clock and everything.

“I’m ready, you ready?” Tina asked, exiting the powder room.

“Yeah, let me just get my keys and we out,” I said, grabbing for the small Gucci key ring that bonded my keys.

Ding-dong!

Tina and I both looked at each other, confused.

“Who are you expecting?” Tina asked.

“Nobody,” I said, just as bewildered as she.

“Who is it?” I asked too lazy to look through the peephole.

“It’s me, man, open the door.” The masculine voice sounded agitated.

I cracked open the door. “Khalil?”

“Celess, where Tina?”

“What are you doing here?” I asked, surprised.

Khalil made his way through my front door. Tina was standing right behind me in the foyer.

“Tina, let me holla at you real quick, over here,” Khalil said as he walked into my living room.

Tina looked back at me with a confused expression on her face. I closed the front door and we followed him into the living room.

“Yo, Celess, can I have a minute with Tina, please?” Khalil asked. “I know yall all dressed and ready to hit the streets, but I need a minute.”

I didn’t know about Tina, but I was nervous. Tina gave me a look that told me to wait in the foyer. So I did. But I listened closely to what they were saying.

“When did you get out?” Tina asked curiously.

“Never mind all that. I’m out, that’s all that matters,” Khalil said.

Tina got to the point. “Okay, well, what’s the surprise visit for? I mean, you pop up here at Celess’s house after, what, a fuckin’ year, and you’re coming at me sideways, for what?”

“First of all, lower your fuckin’ voice. Second of all, I went past your house and your grandmom told me you was staying with Celess, so that’s why I came here to Celess’s house.”