Iris Murdoch - Bruno’s Dream

”Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”

”I wasn’t sure who it was.”

”You mean you went out by yourself to tackle an intruder?”

”Well, I mean I really knew it was Danby, but-“

”Everyone around here seems to have gone stark staring mad.”

”If you’ll excuse me,” said Danby, “I think I really must be going.” He climbed up again onto the box.

”Oh no you don’t. You’ll stay here until I’ve told you a thing or two.”

”I don’t feel in the mood for conversation,” said Danby. He began to lift his leg.

”You’re drunk, aren’t you.”

”Yes. Now I really must be getting along.”

”I know why you came here tonight.”

”Miles-“ said Diana.

Danby lowered his leg.

”Miles,” she said, “I think it would be better if we talked-“

Danby stepped heavily down off the box. He said, “Diana, don’t say anything. Everything will be clear later.”

”Yes, Diana, go away would you?” said Miles. “Go inside, please. And don’t say anything to Lisa. I’ll deal with this drunken lunatic.”

With a faint resigned gesture of farewell the harlequin mackintosh faded into the darkness. The torchlight made a bright circle on the ground between them. “I want to tell you something,” said Miles, “and I hope that you’ll have the decency to act upon it.”

”What?”

”You wanted to see her, didn’t you?”

Danby tried to assemble his mind. Who was Miles talking about? “Yes. No.”

”You’re fuddled. I’m not surprised you were ashamed to knock on the door.”

”I didn’t want to cause any trouble,” said Danby. “Not any-trouble.”

”Don’t worry, you can’t. Though I admit your nuisance value is high.”

”What do you mean I can’t?”

”Because you’re going to get out and stay out.”

”I wonder if we quite understand each other?” said Danby.

”I wanted to see Lisa.”

”I know. But you’re not going to. And you can stop pestering her with impertinent letters.”

”Christ! She didn’t show you my letters, did she?”

”No. But she said you’d written to her more than once.”

”Well, why the hell not? It’s not a crime to love somebody.

And why are you taking a high line about it? It isn’t quite your business is it? You aren’t her father. You aren’t even her brother. She’s a grown-up woman. She’s free.”

”She isn’t free. That’s the point.”

”What do you mean?”

”Her affections are engaged. She’s a committed person. She loves somebody else.”

Danby leaned back against the wall. The rain beat on his face and trickled quietly down his spine, cold at first, becoming warmer as it reached the middle of his back.

”Are you sure?”

”Yes, I’m sure. I’m sorry to sound bloody-minded, but you ought to know this. So perhaps from now on you’ll keep away.”

Danby breathed deeply. He stared down at the lighted circle of soggy mauvish wood ash. “Look, Miles, I hear what you say. But I’m in love. I mean I can’t just take this from you-“

”In love!”

”Yes. Is Lisa actually engaged-?”

”Lisa is no concern of yours. Even if she were not already attached-she could have no conceivable interest in you. Your attentions merely cause her embarrassment. I trust they will now cease.”

”I don’t think you can order me about in this way, you know-“

”I know her mind on this subject. I am merely informing you of it. I presume this sort of drunken romping after girls is a pretty regular pastime for you. Well, you’ve made a mistake with Lisa. I suggest you move on to the next one.”

”I’m serious, damn you.”

”You’re tedious. And now you can go. Get off my land. Go the way you came.”

The circle of light on the ground wavered, then darted up wards and Danby covered his eyes against it. It sank again and was switched off, the outline of the umbrella was steady.

”Listen please-“

”There’s nothing more to say. I’m going in, once I’ve seen you over the wall.”

”Damn it, I’m not going to have you telling me what Lisa thinks. I’ll go on behaving as I think fit.”

”If you communicate with her any more you’ll be behaving like a cad.”

”She doesn’t need your protection! What’s it got to do with you, for Christ’s sake?”

”Miles, what is it?”

A dark figure was silhouetted in the archway and then faded as it moved closer to Miles against the gloom of the hedge. The rain had begun to sizzle with increased force. Danby spread out his hands and pressed the palms back violently against the hard uneven surface of the wall.

”Lisa!”

”Who is there, who are you talking to?”

”Danby.”

”Oh. I thought I heard a noise.”

”I’ve told him to go. Go back inside, would you, Lisa.”

”Wait a minute.”

A flurry of rain filled the silence with a sort of long sigh.

”Miles, I’d like to speak to Danby for a moment. Could you leave us?”

”Lisa, don’t be silly! He’s drunk.”

”Please, Miles.”

”The fool might do anything.”

”No, no-“

”Well, come inside then. There’s no point in getting soaked and talking in the dark.”

”No, here. You go, Miles. I won’t be more than a moment. Please.”

”You’ll get all wet. And I don’t at all like leaving you.”

”Just one minute, Miles.”

”Oh, all right. I’ll go back to the terrace. Call if you want me. Here, take the umbrella and the torch.”

”I don’t want the umbrella and the torch. Just go, just for one minute.” Miles walked heavily away through the archway, dipping the umbrella, and his feet could be heard stamping across the grass.

Danby let go of the wall and lurched forward. Then he half fell half threw himself on his knees in the wet sticky hillock of earth and ash. “Oh Lisa, Lisa-“

”Get up please. Why did you come here?”

”I wanted to see you. I looked through the window. Oh Christ-“

”Are you very drunk?”

”No.”

”Get up then.”

”Lisa, I want to tell you it’s serious, it’s terrible, it’s absolute.”

”I’m sorry-“

”Lisa, Miles said you loved somebody. He said you were engaged.”

”Oh God-“

”It’s true then?”

”Yes, it’s true,” she said, after a moment’s silence. Danby rose slowly to his feet. It was difficult to get up. His knee was extremely painful. He said in a dull voice, “I shall hope all the same.”

”Don’t. I just wanted to thank you for your letters. I am grateful to you. And God knows I don’t want to hurt you. But please try not to think of me in that way. I have nothing for you and it’s just no good. Please believe this. I don’t want you to waste your time on something quite fruitless. It’s absolutely no good.”

”Don’t say any more,” he said, raising his voice, “don’t say any more. Forgive me.”

”Come through the house. There’s no need to-“

Danby was already on top of the wall. How he got through the intervening gardens he could not afterwards remember. Perhaps he flew. Someone shouted after him. It was not Lisa. He fell off the last wall into the lane beside the garages, stumbling and falling. He blundered into a garage door and came down heavily onto the ground. He crawled, got up, emerged onto the wet lamp-lighted pavement.

He stood for a while in the rainy murk between two lamp posts, vague and dazed, swaying a little on his feet and looking back down Kempsford Gardens. Then he set off slowly in the direction of the Old Brompton Road. He paused once more and looked back. Then he began to look more intently. A dark figure had emerged after him from the side laneway and was now gliding away quietly in the opposite direction towards Warwick Road. Danby stared hard through the lines of rain. There was something familiar about the slim form and the gliding gait.