Iris Murdoch - Bruno’s Dream

”Kept it all fresh, all pure.”

”Are you laughing at me, Nigel?”

”No, no. Come, you promised-“

”Did Adelaide go to see you, go to your place, after you came back to London?”

”No.”

”She was very funny about you then. I thought you were after her.”

”No, indeed.”

”Well, what’s your motive for telling me all this? What’s in it for you? You love her and you’re trying to come between us!”

”No!”

”You can’t have her and you don’t want me to.”

”No, I swear.”

”Well, why then? Is it just craziness? Or wanting to hurt me? Or wanting to hurt Danby?”

”Just craziness.”

”You hate Danby. You’ve got some sort of grudge against him. Is that it? What made him hit you, anyway?”

”No, Will, that isn’t it, that isn’t it at all.”

The increasing rain tapped on the dark skylight and ran down it in a steady stream. The brothers stared into each other’s eyes, sitting close together in the brightly lighted attic room with their knees touching.

The whisky bottle was nearly empty.

Danby was sitting on his bed with his face in his hands. Adelaide was sitting on the floor with her back against the chest of drawers. Her face was swollen up and her eyes practically closed with crying. Her mouth, through which she was breathing heavily, hung open. Every now and then she shuddered and another two large tears came out of the slits of her eyes. She was wearing a blouse over her petticoat but no skirt.

The window curtains were half drawn. It was nine o’clock on the following evening and already dark outside. It was raining violently, abandonedly. A strong gusty wind was driving the rain almost horizontally, bringing it in sharp pattering flurries up against the window, like the crack of handfuls of small pebbles hurled against the glass.

A distant voice was calling. “Danby!”

Danby groaned and rubbed his face deeper into his hands.

”Danby!”

Danby got up and without looking at Adelaide stepped over her outstretched legs and began to go up the stairs. He felt stiff and aching and bruised all over.

”DANBY!”

Danby pushed open the door of Bruno’s room and looked in, frowning against the light and peering at Bruno from underneath his hand. The lamp illuminated the comfortless untidy-bed which had been twisted and turned in all day.

”Danby, what’s the matter?”

”Nothing’s the matter. What do you want?”

”Why are you looking at me like that?”

”Like what?”

”As if you can’t see me properly.”

”I’m drunk. What do you want?”

”Where’s Nigel?”

”I don’t know.”

”He hasn’t been here all day. And he wasn’t here last night.”

”It doesn’t matter. Go to sleep, Bruno.”

”It’s too early to go to sleep. And I haven’t had any tea. I called and called and nobody came.”

”I’ll make you some tea.”

”Danby, don’t go away, please, shut the door. You will forgive Nigel, won’t you, you won’t be cross with him?”

”I expect Nigel’s cleared off.”

”Nigel? He can’t have done. He can’t have left me-“ Bruno’s voice quavered upwards. He was lying low down in his rumpled bed, only the big head and one clawlike hand visible above the bedclothes. Danby frowned at him over the hump of the foot cage. He seemed to be a long way off.

”I’ll get the tea now. Want anything with it?”

”Don’t go, Danby. The rain is so awful and the wind. I thought I heard somebody screaming downstairs a little while ago.”

”I expect you did.”

”What was it?”

”Adelaide screaming with laughter. Want any toast or anything? I’ll bring up the Evening Standard .”

”What’s that girl’s name?”

”What’s what girl’s name?”

”That girl who comes. I mean Miles’s-“

”Lisa.”

”She didn’t come today.”

”Oh forget that girl, Bruno.”

”What do you mean, forget her?”

”It doesn’t matter anymore.”

”What do you mean it doesn’t matter anymore? What has the doctor been telling you, has he rung you up?”

”No, of course not.”

”He’s told you I’m done for and you’ve sacked Nigel and told the girl not co come-“

”Oh stop it, Bruno, the doctor hasn’t said anything.”

”Of course it doesn’t matter anymore if I’m going to be dead-“

”Bruno, shut up. You’re raving. I’ll get you some tea.”

”I don’t want any tea.”

”Well, go to sleep then. I’ll turn the light out.”

”I can’t sleep with that noise, with the wind rattling the window. Is it rain or hail?”

”Rain. It just sounds like hail.”

”Danby, don’t go away. Sit with the old man for a little bit.

I’ve been alone all day. You just threw that tray at me at lunchtime.”

”Sorry.”

”Sit beside me, please, Danby, please.”

”I can’t. I’m drunk.”

”Please-“

”Do you want the light on or off?”

With difficulty Danby focused his eyes upon the head lolling on the pillow, the bearded chin dug deep into the sheets, the shrunken form which scarcely lifted the blankets to reveal its presence, the brown gaunt hand pawing a little in supplication.

”Will you make my bed, Danby? Do my pillows anyway.”

Danby strode across the room, punched the pillows perfunctorily and went back to the door. “Do you want the light on or off?”

”Danby, I’m frightened, don’t go.”

Danby saw that tears were beginning to run down Bruno’s face, finding their way across the reddened creases and bulges underneath his eyes.

”Oh go to sleep Bruno, will you.” Danby switched the light off and closed the door. He stopped at the top of the stairs to listen but there was no more sound from the old man’s room. He went down the further flight of stairs and reached his own room. Adelaide had not moved.

Danby reached for the bottle and poured the rest of the whisky into his glass. He sat down heavily. “Better go to bed, Adelaide.” The rain hurtled across the window in a series of cracks like bursts of machine-gun fire. The wind howled, rose to a scream, then howled again.

”I love you, I love you, I love you.”

”Oh stop it, Adelaide, there’s a good girl.”

”Did you ever think of marrying me, did you ever think of it for a single second?”

”I don’t know. Do stop it, will you, I’ve had enough.”

”You knew it couldn’t last. You just amused yourself with me. You just took me on till something better turned up, something serious, something in your own class.”

”Class has nothing to do with it.”

”Hasn’t it? Then why do you feel you can treat me like dirt, walk out just the way you walked in?”

”You were glad enough when I walked in.”

”That’s a bloody rotten thing to say.”

”Okay. Agreed. Now let’s stop talking.”

”You never thought our thing was real.”

”Yes I did, Adelaide. I just didn’t know this would happen, I didn’t think.”

”You didn’t think! Of course you didn’t think! You just took what you wanted.”

”If it’s any satisfaction to you I know I’m an absolute bastard.”

”Well, I hope you’ll be happy with her, after destroying me and taking all my life away from me.”

”I’ve already told you she isn’t interested in me, she’s got somebody else, she doesn’t want me, she’s told me to clear out.”

”I don’t believe a word of it. You’re saying this to put me off. And tomorrow you’ll give me the sack.”

”Don’t be silly, Adelaide. Don’t start all that again.”