Iris Murdoch - Bruno’s Dream

”A little, possibly. There.”

”If you play this trick once more I’ll kill you.”

”No, no. Last time I admit was a little inefficient, but the damage you did to yourself getting out was entirely your own fault. If you’d just stayed still and heard what I wanted to say you’d have been quite unhurt.”

”You ought to be in a bin.”

”Don’t be silly. Ever since I was a child you’ve been using your fists upon me. My cleverness and ingenuity just make us quits. I wanted to tell you something important, entirely for your own advantage I may say, and as I knew you’d rush at me like a mad bull if I turned up without taking precautions I decided I must tie you up just once again.”

”You enjoy this sort of thing.”

”Perhaps I do, Will. You must just try to see it as a form of brotherly affection.”

”Christ!”

”Blood’s thicker than water, Will, especially twin blood.

You are the other half of myself, a weird brutish alien half, doubtless a lesser half, but connected to me by an ectoplasmic necessity for which love would be too weak a name.”

”You’ve always detested me, Nigel.”

”I am afraid you are very stupid and understand very little.”

”You peached on me about that bloody stamp.”

”A routine castigation, my dear Will. I have to set some limits to your misdoings.”

”You’ve always persecuted me.”

”In self-defense. And also a little because you need me. You need me as the brute needs the angel, as the tender back needs the whip and the suppliant neck the axe. Any juxtaposition of brutish material and spirit involves suffering.”

Nigel shunted the chair an inch backward and Will screamed.

”Stop it, Nigel, stop it, I’ll faint with pain!”

”Nonsense. There, is that better? Now will you stop twisting yourself about and attend to what I have to say.”

”Who’s been punching you? I’m glad to see somebody has.” One side of Nigel’s face was severely bruised, the bluish shadow turning to purple as it ringed the eye.

”Danby.”

”Danby? Why ever Danby? Not that I care. I’ll black the other eye for you when I get out of this.”

”Never mind. Listen, Will. Are you listening or do you want to be strung up any tighter?”

”I’m listening, bugger you, get on with it. Loosen the bloody rope a bit more, will you.”

”Please.”

”Please.”

”All right. Now listen. It’s about Adelaide.”

”About Adelaide? What about Adelaide?”

”You love Adelaide, don’t you.”

”If I do it’s no bloody business of yours. I know you’ve been after her. You tried to get hold of her when you came back to London.”

”No, I didn’t.”

”You keep away from Adelaide, or I’ll really do you. That girl belongs to me and I’ll have her. I’ll get her if I have to kill her in the process. What’s more she loves me.”

”So you imagine. But suppose there was somebody else?”

”How do you mean, somebody else? No one could possibly be after Ad, she doesn’t see anybody, she doesn’t go anywhere.”

”She doesn’t need to. It all happens at home.”

”What on earth do you mean? Christ, do you mean you-“

”No. Danby.”

”What do you mean, Danby? Don’t torture me!”

”Danby is Adelaide’s lover. Adelaide is Danby’s mistress. It’s been going on for years. I thought you ought to know.”

Will lay still, breathing deeply. Then he said quite quietly, “Nigel, let go of the rope. I promise and swear that I won’t hurt you.”

Nigel got up and drew the stick out between the rungs of the chair. He unwound the rope and the tension was loosened. Will turned stiffly and began to sit up on the bed. He groaned and began to pull at the tightened rubber manacle at his wrist. Nigel helped him to pull it off, and then loosened the anklet. Will, groaning softly, chafed the bruised flesh at wrist and ankle. He said, “I don’t believe you, Nigel.”

”It’s true.”

”Prove it.”

”Ask Adelaide. Meanwhile take a look at this. You know Danby’s writing.”

Nigel handed Will a small piece of paper which had been torn across several ways and stuck together again. The paper said, Sweet Adelaide, I think I’ll spend tonight in my bed and not in yours, as I’ll be in rather late. Sleep tight, little one. Your D.

Will studied the paper carefully. Then he uttered a long piercing shriek and turned and fell with his face into the pillow.

”Sssh, don’t make such a noise-“

Will sat up again, his face contorted, his jaw shuddering, grinning with pain and rage. “I’ll kill that man. I’ll kill her too.”

”Don’t be crazy, Will-“

”I’ll kill them. Years, you say. Years. And her stringing me along all that time and swearing there was nobody else and letting me give her presents and kiss her hands.”

”Yes, I know, but listen to me still-“

”And saying she wasn’t the marrying sort! Well, she’s not, she’s a bloody harlot! And I laid my life at her feet. I’ll cut her into ribbons. And I’ll kill him. I’ll go now and find them in their bed. Sweet Adelaide/ Oh Christ, I’ll die of this. Where are my clothes?”

”Stop, Will, stop and listen. I’ve hidden your clothes anyway, you won’t find them. Just listen to me-“

”Then I’ll go naked. Get out of my way, Nigel. You’ve driven me mad.”

”The door’s locked. Sit down, sit down.”

Will let go of the doorhandle, which he had been rattling. He stood rigid for a moment, his eyes rolling, and then collapsed back full length onto the bed with a moan, burying his face in his hands. “Oh Adelaide, Adelaide, I loved you, I loved you so.”

Nigel drew the chair up close. He caressed the mop of shaggy dark hair and the shoulders which were shuddering with dry sobs.

”Stop it, Will. You can’t do anything tonight. You’ve got to think it out. You know the truth now, and that gives you power over both of them. Think it out. And don’t try to hurt Adelaide. ‘Leave her to heaven and to those thorns that in her bosom lodge to prick and sting her.’ As for Danby, we’ll think of some way of punishing him. I’ll help you. We’ll do it together.”

Will had stopped sobbing and was sitting up, once more twisting and chafing his right wrist. His eyes were dull and vacant with misery, his mouth half open, dripping saliva. “To think that she-“

”Even she. I didn’t really cut your wrist, did I?”

”After our being children together and all. I thought-It’s like being betrayed by one’s mother.”

”Every man is betrayed by his mother.”

”I trusted her absolutely. I thought she had no other life. For years, you say. With that fat swine. I’ll carve him. And she loved me so much when she was a girl. And so pretty. And so innocent. We were happy then.”

”The three of us.”

”The three of us. We used to go about arm in arm, remember.”

”With her in the middle.”

”And have tugs of war going round lampposts.”

”You always won.”

”Do you remember the day when we told her about sex?”

”And she wouldn’t believe us!”

”God! It’s all so clear, so near.”

”And the building site and the waste land where we used to pick dandelions.”

”And climbing on the scaffolding.”

”And stealing the bricks.”

”And playing French and English.”

”And Grandmother’s Steps.”

”She belonged to the beginning of our life when everything was good.”

”Before we ran away.”

”Before the theatre.”

”Before all those awful things-you know.”

”I know. She was separate from all that. I felt she’d kept the early part somehow, kept our childhood, kept it for me.”