K. Randis - Spilled Milk

Uncle Bruce nodded. “We’ll take you in, all of you. So you can stay together, if that’s what worries you. But Aunt Jean and I are worried about you . And this bubble…” he held up the imaginary basketball again, “Baby girl no one can hurt you anymore. Not while I got this thing wrapped around you.”

Aunt Jean’s knuckles turned red as she squeezed into Uncle Bruce’s hand. “Brooke honey, is anything going on in your house with your dad? Has he hurt you?”

I lowered my head, my hand covering my eyes. They had just told me exactly what I needed to hear. They were going to keep me safe, all of us. It was time to tell.

“Yea, he’s touched me. And-” I started.

Aunt Jean let out a sob as she reached across the table. “Oh, my baby, oh Brooke I’m so sorry.”

Covering my face in shame, I couldn’t bring myself to speak again. Uncle Bruce stood up from the table and slammed his fist against the wall in the kitchen, his face a bright burgundy with tears sliding down both cheeks.

“I need to talk to Gina,” I said finally.

Aunt Jean got up from the table. “I’ll call her. She’ll be expecting my call, I told her you were coming here to talk. She’ll know what to do from here.”

“You did? How did you-”

Suddenly the second phone call that Elise had told me about to social services was clear. It wasn’t a teacher. It was Gina. While she never straight out asked me, she poked and prodded like she knew all along. Maybe she knew it would take sitting down with family, having them tell me they would catch the pieces as they fell, that would finally get me to talk. I closed my eyes in silent thanks.

As I sat at the table with my hands over my eyes I felt a hand over mine. Uncle Bruce looked at me, his eyes hurting for me. “I got you now, okay? No one’s gonna hurt you anymore.” He patted my hand, and I believed him.

Aunt Jean told me that I should eat dinner with them and then head back to Pennsylvania and go straight to Gina’s house. Gina wanted to sit down with me before heading over to the police station since they were going to have a lot of questions. Aunt Jean and Uncle Bruce would meet me there in the morning and we would all go to the police station together.

Instead of eating, I asked to take a shower. I scrubbed and washed every inch of my body three times, and when I thought I was finished, I washed again. After a few spoonfuls of soup I asked to take a shower one more time before I left. My body wouldn’t stop shaking.

Three times I got lost making my way back to Pennsylvania. My mind was in too many different places and I couldn’t concentrate on which way to go. When I finally pulled into Gina’s driveway, it was a little after ten at night. I hadn’t been to Paul’s house since we broke up, but it was a needed comfort when I walked in the door and smelled the faint aroma of gravy coming from the kitchen.

“Brooke, I told Paulie what was going on. I wanted him to have time to process everything before you got here. I’m sorry if that was wrong…”

I shook my head and hugged her. “No, it’s fine. I don’t know how I would say it. Thank you.”

The front door opened and Paul walked in, his face sunken from crying. He kicked off his sneakers as he made his way over to me and before the tears started falling down my face he had me wrapped in his arms, his face buried in my hair.

Gina stood off to the side for a minute before interrupting. “All right Brooke, I want you to try to sleep. I have a warm blanket here.” She opened a quilt and threw it over the couch.

“Ma, she’s sleeping with me tonight.”

Gina looked at Paul. “Paul, honey I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Mom, please. She’s trembling. Nothing’s gonna happen. She needs me.”

He was right, I did need him, and I was glad Paul suggested I stay in his room.

Gina sighed. “All right, please don’t make me regret it.”

She kissed Paul on the forehead and me on the cheek. “Night kids.”

Gina gave me a pair of pajamas and after washing my face I snuggled in next to Paul and put my head on his chest. I listened to his heartbeat and traced his fingers with mine in the dark. “Paul,” I whispered, “I’m sorry your mom had to tell you.”

He sighed. “It’s all right. She didn’t know that much anyway, yet. You’re here now.” He tilted my chin and brought my lips to meet his. I melted into his arms and tried to focus on his hands moving around my stomach and down my hips.

“Paul, not now.” I pushed his hand to the side and put my head down on his chest. Why would he try anything right now? “We aren’t even together.”

“So?” I could feel him shake his head in the dark. He shifted his weight and slid me off his chest and onto the mattress. I could tell he was staring at the ceiling. “You know, Brooke, it’s a shame. You’re never going to find a guy as good as me.” He rolled over with his back to me and within a few minutes I could hear him breathing rhythmically in his sleep.

My body stiffened, I didn’t doubt Paul was right. No one would want to be with me knowing what has happened to me.

Paul’s TV blared on at nine thirty the next morning. I searched for Paul with my hand and when I found nothing I opened my eyes to see him sitting in his bean bag chair watching cartoons. “Hey,” I said, half asleep, “Why don’t you come lay here for a while? It’s not every day we get to sleep in the same bed.”

He clicked through channels. “Just because you’re here doesn’t mean I’m going to change my whole routine. This is what I always do Saturday mornings.”

I shook my head and sighed, sinking back down into the pillows. His mood swings were exhausting. The TV clicked off a few minutes later. “I’m going to my cousins. Later.”

With no energy to chase after him, I fell back asleep. When I woke up again it was almost dinner time and my Aunt Jean and Uncle Bruce were in the kitchen of Gina’s house.

“Morning sleepyhead,” Uncle Bruce said, kissing my forehead.

“You hungry?” Gina poured a bowl of soup before I could answer.

“Why am I so tired?” I rubbed my eyes and sunk into a chair at the kitchen table. My head throbbed and I felt like I needed a day’s worth of sleep to catch up.

“This is very emotional for you honey, it’s going to take a lot out of you. Here, eat up.”

Lou came home about an hour later and embraced me. “You’re a strong, brave girl. We’re all here for you.” He crossed the kitchen and kissed Gina and shook hands with my aunt and uncle.

The plan was to wait until Dad went to work that night, sometime around seven. Aunt Jean and Lou were going to go to my mom’s to tell her what happened while Uncle Bruce and Gina took me to the police station to file a report. Then Aunt Jean and Uncle Bruce wanted mom to follow them to Long Island with all the kids until we knew he was locked away and it was safe to come home.

“All right Brooke, we need to write down dates, where things happened, what happened.” Gina looked up at me. “This won’t be easy, so let’s start from the beginning, okay?”

“Why do we have to do this?”

“The police need to know that we have all this information, so they know what to investigate. They will ask the same questions, so I want you to feel confident that you have everything you need to say.”

I nodded. Gina wrote as I talked. Lou, my aunt and uncle sat at the table too, listening. I told them about New York, about him coming into my room as young as I could remember. I told them about moving to Pennsylvania and how it happened more frequently because we didn’t have family around. How he would bring me into his bedroom and then pretend the next day that nothing had happened.