K. Randis - Spilled Milk

My stomach churned. What did I do? If I tell her what’s happening they’ll take us away for sure, we’ll all be split up. I didn’t have enough time to think about what would happen when social services finally showed up. There was no game plan, no escape. I needed an escape.

“I told my boyfriend’s mom I had a dream my dad touched me,” I said. Sounded like a safe way to watch her reaction.

“You had a dream?”

“Yea.” I shifted my weight.

“So you never told anyone your father touched you?”

I paused. “No.” It wasn’t a lie, technically I didn’t.

“And he never touched you? Never hurt you?”

“No.” I looked away. Even I knew when my face got too red for anyone to believe I was telling the truth.

Elise wrapped up the questioning and thanked me before telling me she was going to talk to my brothers at the other school. I nodded and backed up towards the door. The bell rang as I raced down the hallway, my heart nearly bouncing out of my chest.

When I saw Paul, tears were streaming down my cheeks and I wrapped my arms around his neck. “Brooke, I know us breaking up is hard for you, but-”

“It’s not that.” I leaned into his ear and told him about what had just happened in the front office. He pulled away, slowly, staring at me. “Is it true?”

“Paul, I just need you right now.”

He shifted his weight and looked down the hallway. “I’m sorry, I gotta go.”

I watched him turn his back on me for the second time and walk away. My body trembled all over as I searched for the nearest EXIT sign and pushed through the double doors, running towards the football field.

Two days later Mom walked into my bedroom with an envelope in her hand. It was a letter from Children and Youth, explaining that they had investigated an accusation that Dad had been sexually abusing me and that I, specifically, gave indication they were dreams but that they wanted to come out to the house to talk to my mom and dad.

My gut had saved my life. Not only did Children and Youth promise me what I told them would be confidential and they lied, but they sent a letter home claiming that I was the only one who would talk to them out of all of my brothers and sister. I became the only target. Mom sat on the bed next to me.

“Is this true, Brooke? Tell me if this is true. I’ll change the locks tonight and he won’t ever come back.”

My eyes widened. She believed me?

“I mean I don’t know how we’re going to survive, I don’t know how we’ll get money to pay our bills or eat, but I’ll change the locks. I will. Is this true?”

A promise of freedom with an extra heavy side of guilt, coming right up .

I shook my head. “I don’t know what to say Mom. It’s not true.”

Mom wiped a tear from her cheek. “Oh, all right, well…” She stood up. “As long as it isn’t true, I guess there isn’t anything for me to worry about, right?” She smiled.

She showed the letter to Dad, who wanted to talk to Mom and I in his bedroom after he read it. “This is very serious, Brooke.” He waved the letter in my face. “If this were true, we would lose the house, I would lose my job, and you kids would wind up in foster care. Do you want that?”

“It’s true, he’s right, we would lose everything,” Mom chimed in.

Mom never asked what would make me say such things. Neither did Dad. They never asked if I had a grudge, or if I watched too much TV or if someone had put me up to it. They didn’t care what the reason was, they just wanted to make sure that I kept telling social services that it wasn’t true. And I did.

The case was unfounded and closed within two weeks time. Elise asked me for the last time if I wanted to tell her anything and I shook my head, my eyes still focused on my hands. If anything, I was thankful for the break I got. Dad seemed afraid and the investigation was too fresh for him to try anything, so he stayed away from me for over two months.

I tried to talk to Paul numerous times but he never returned my calls, and chatting online always ended in him calling me pathetic or a long line of names before he would block me or sign off.

I didn’t understand what I did to make him so angry, and he refused to give me the closure I needed. We both got our licenses and with the money I had saved up from working I got myself a used car, asking my mom to co-sign. Dad was furious Mom co-signed for me but since I had the money Mom didn’t see the issue.

Then I got a phone call from my Aunt Jean asking me to come visit them on Long Island. She said it was important, and she wanted me to sneak away without telling anyone.

“Tell your mom you’re staying at a friend’s house and come visit. I don’t like you lying, but it’s really important I see you.” It was the first time I drove outside of Kunkletown and I was a nervous wreck driving over the bridges to get to Long Island.

I pulled up in front of Aunt Jean’s house and wondered what she had to tell me that was so important. The front door opened before I could even knock.

My cousins met me at the door and I was hugged a million times before I even took off my coat. Aunt Jean handed me a cup of hot cocoa and Uncle Bruce took me into his arms for a bear hug.

“Tell me about your license and school. Jr Prom is coming up soon, right? Do you have a dress? I can’t believe you’re sixteen already, my goodness.” Aunt Jean rattled on as Uncle Bruce picked up his newspaper.

After I tucked my coat into the hallway closet I pulled up a chair next to Uncle Bruce. It felt like home to be around family. I missed living on Long Island. New York had so much character and culture, it was impossible to ever be bored and a mouth watering slice of pizza was always available on any corner.

“Hey guys, why don’t you go put on that movie we rented for you?” Aunt Jean coaxed my cousins away.

“What movie? I’ll watch with them.” I picked up my cup of cocoa.

“Actually Brooke, we’d like to talk to you.” Uncle Bruce folded his paper. He patted the seat to invite me to sit back down. “Take a seat.”

I settled in-between them at their kitchen table. Their faces looked drawn and I could foresee bad news coming my way. The tension was uncomfortable.

“Brooke, your mom called us a few weeks ago and told us about the letter she got in the mail. You know the one?” Uncle Bruce said.

I shook my head and took a long sip of cocoa. I had no idea where this was about to go.

“Right. Well, we uh, your Aunt and I, we talked about it some. And we need to let you know that, sometimes…” He held up his hands like he was holding an imaginary basketball. “Sometimes, people need to know about the bubble that surrounds a family. This bubble protects everyone, it keeps everyone safe, and it’s like a safety zone.” Aunt Jean nodded in agreement as Uncle Bruce continued. “Our family has a very strong bubble.” He reached out for Aunt Jean’s hand.

“We want you to know that you are a part of our family, and we know you are a very smart, very strong and beautiful young woman.” His face started to turn several shades of crimson. “We are worried about you, and we want you to know that the bubble we have in our family will protect you too.” He pointed to me. “Anything you are going through or anything you say. We will protect you, Aunt Jean and I.” Uncle Bruce turned his face away.

“Brooke, sweetheart,” Aunt Jean said, stepping in. “We need you to know that this is a safe place. Uncle Bruce and I can protect you, your mom, and your siblings. All of you. In fact, we talked about it, and if we needed to we would move you and your mom back here to stay with us. We already set up the rooms. There is room for everyone.”