A. Yehoshua - A Late Divorce

“Asa told us.”

My room never had a lock or a key no bolt even in the bathroom they just barged in without knocking without asking in my bed in my drawers no secrets no privacy an all-loving all-knowing omnipresent world invading every pore choking me with embraces yet I’m to blame I ask for it I collaborate going out of my way to come see them each day if I didn’t they’d turn up in disgrace at suppertime wanting to know if their daughter is still alive or has she gone up in smoke.

“So what did he say? Did he like…?”

“Yes… more or less… he had some comments but… yes… on the whole…”

“Leave her alone. Mrs. Goldberg is waiting for her bill. Don’t make her nervous.”

He kisses me and goes back into the store.

“Do you want me to help you, mama?”

“No, darling, absolutely not. Sit down and rest a bit. I’ll make you something to eat in a minute. Just get in touch with Asa. He’s already called three times today. His father is coming this afternoon.”

“I know.”

“Call him now, he’s only in his office until noon. We promised you’d call him right away.”

“All right.”

I sit on a beer crate feeling weak as though I’d just had a tooth pulled.

“Would you like me to dial for you?”

“In a minute, mama.”

“Are you feeling all right? Come, I’ll make you a cup of tea.” “Not right now. One minute, mama.”

“His father is coming today at three o’clock, so we thought we’d invite the three of you for supper, that way you wouldn’t have to cook. And we have to see him once anyway… he is our in-law, after all… no one understands how we’ve never met him. Of course, I imagine he’d like to meet us too…”

“Not tonight, though, mama. He’ll want to be alone with Asi. They haven’t seen each other for years.”

“But it’s already been settled with Asi.”

“Will you stop badgering me! No… please don’t feel hurt, it’s just that… one minute… I need to think…”

One minute one minute…

Father comes back he can’t keep himself away.

“So you’re eating with us tonight! You won’t have to cook.”

He returns to the store.

They cling to me without sticking they flutter apprehensively around me.

“No, mama, not tonight. Another time.”

“It’s for your sake. Do you have anything to make dinner with at home?”

“Yes. I’ll manage. Don’t worry.”

“It’s not for us, we don’t need it. We just wanted to help. And of course, he’ll want to meet us socially…”

“Of course he will. I’ll bring him. But not tonight. Maybe tomorrow.”

“Maybe for the seder.”

“I don’t think he can. He’ll want to be with Ya’el and the grandchildren. We may have to be with them too.”

She turns pale.

“You’re not planning to leave us all alone for the seder?”

“We’ve been with you every year. It would be just this one time, and even that isn’t definite.”

On one only child’s back two whole parents whither thou goest and the pain the hot twinge inside and old age and only the light in the eyes that you feel that you see how bossy they are yet they’re the ones who spoiled me without end to protect me from all pain why should he tear the light that glows and him surrounded by women wanting me exposed no wonder that I’m here among these bottles of cooking oil times have changed the sexual revolution group orgies hard porn a married virgin in Jerusalem with white cheese on the scales and a barrel of pickled mackerel never alone never never alone tracked by radar from afar they know all see all when I write they’ll stand by my side to hold the pen to be of help they mean so well and the onus is mine I’m to blame he’s started to punish me now he’ll go mad in the end what good is all my beauty everything will go up in smoke if I don’t let him in and I won’t my friend my love my true heart try my mouth if you want but not there.

“Dinaleh, you’re not feeling well. Maybe you’d like to go upstairs and lie down.”

Couldn’t you please be sick so that we could take care of you put you to bed undress you cover you up. Be a good sick girl. I feel as though I’ve turned to stone.

“Then call Asa.”

“In a minute… that must be him ringing now…”

“Dina? When did you get there?”

“Just this minute, Asi. Just now. A minute ago.”

“It took so long?”

“It didn’t take so long.”

“How did it go with him?”

“Later.”

“In one word.”

“All right.”

“In what sense?”

“Later.”

“My father’s coming today.”

“I’ve been told.”

“Something seems to have gone wrong there. Kedmi stepped in and insisted on going to get her signature by himself and messed things up. I warned them not to let him go alone but with Ya’el he does what he wants. That’s not for now, though…. He’s coming at three on the one o’clock car from Haifa but I don’t finish teaching until three-thirty, so you’ll have to meet him at the taxi station and take him home with you.”

“All right.”

“You know that the house is in total chaos. There’s nothing to eat. Your parents invited us for dinner tonight. Maybe we should accept so that you won’t have to cook.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll make something and you’ll help. He’ll want to spend a quiet evening with you.”

“As you like. I was just thinking of you.”

“It’s okay. You didn’t leave me any money in my purse again, though.”

“I can’t be responsible for your purse. I don’t have any money either. You can borrow some from your parents.”

“I’m not borrowing any money from them. You know they never take it back. Why did you take all the money from my purse?”

“I didn’t take a cent from you. I’m broke too. But take five thousand pounds from your parents. That much they’ll agree to take back.”

“I won’t. Stop giving me advice. I’ll go to the bank and take money out myself. Who do I have to see there?”

“Anyone. It makes no difference.”

“Where exactly is our branch?”

“On the corner of Arlosoroff Street, where it always has been.”

“Fine. Now I remember.”

“Take out two thousand pounds.”

“I’ll take out as much as I feel like.”

“All right, all right. Just don’t be late. Be there by three. Will you recognize him?”

“Yes. Don’t worry.”

“I’ll come straight home from the university.”

“Maybe you’d like to meet us in some café downtown.”

“No. That’s too complicated.”

“But why?”

“What on earth do you want to meet in a café for? He’ll be tired. I’ll be home by four-thirty. Go straight there, all right?”

“All right. Say something.”

“What am I supposed to say?”

“Am I still being punished?”

A long pause.

“It’s not a punishment. It’s despair.”

He hangs up.

Father and mother have already gotten the message into a shopping net go some rolls cans of spreads and sliced yellow cheese teary in its plastic wrapper down from a shelf come spongy gray mushrooms the refrigerator is flung open they take they cut they wrap in a singsong Hungarian duet silently they consult each other just a few things to put on the table swish into the bag with them why should you go to the supermarket where everything is so expensive do you really enjoy being cheated anyway it’s Tuesday everything doses early the banks too already the cash register has sprung open with a rustle of bills here’s some money you can return it when you want it’s yours in any case so you’ll inherit that much less why should you care if we give you an advance money is worthless nowadays anyhow how much do you have here why it’s nothing if it’s heavy papa win help carry it to the bus stop why don’t you take it what’s the matter? Take your father and mother too squirming in the net missing you before you’re even gone counting the hours until they see you again tomorrow don’t hurt our feelings how can you refuse we’ve already sliced it we’ve already packed it everything will spoil.