Aharon Appelfeld - Blooms of Darkness

But there are also days of total silence. Mariana would sit down, sunk in her thoughts, and Hugo would keep drilling into himself: I must plant every detail of this journey in my memory . When Mariana is deep in thought, a strange light appears on her face, her forehead expands, and her hair stands up on her head. Sometimes it seems to Hugo that her lovely being is being eaten away by her dejection. But, not to worry, when she is once again filled with wonder, her face lights up with beauty.

“Forget my sadness and irritation and remember only the light that was between us,” she says to him distractedly.

A peasant woman sells them a few eggs and a jar of cream, and they sit down on the ground to eat. After the meal, Mariana says to Hugo, “Of all the people who were with me, only you are mine.”

“You’re very beautiful.” He can’t restrain himself.

“I’m very glad that I please you. A woman without an admirer is a sealed well. Life is stifled in her, and her beauty withers. Now, thank the Lord, I’m far from all those who tormented me. Now I’m my own woman, and I am only with you.”

“I don’t mind sleeping outdoors. I can make campfires and they’ll warm us up.”

“That’s very nice of you, but don’t forget, it rains in the spring, and sometimes very hard.”

“I can build us a temporary shelter.”

They sit and talk that way until they run out of words, and then they lie down together and fall asleep.

What Mariana guessed would happen finally happens, but a bit differently from how she had imagined it. While they are sitting under an oak, drinking tea and contemplating the fire, three short men suddenly appear. They are dressed in old leather coats. “Get up, woman, and come with us,” one of them orders.

Mariana is stunned. “Why?” she asks. “What did I do?”

“It’s an order,” he replies.

“I refuse to obey this illegal order.”

“Why be stubborn, woman?” He speaks in an intentionally relaxed way.

“I never did harm to anyone. Why should I go with you?”

“You can make your arguments to the authorities. Meanwhile, get up and come with us.”

“I refuse to go. I have a son, and I have to watch over him.”

“I repeat what I said. Get up and come with us. The interrogation will be short, and afterward they’ll let you go. Why are you being stubborn? It’s not helping you.”

“Why?” She raises her head, as though she has just woken up.

“There’s no why. This is an order.”

“What is my name, if you’ve been sent to get me?” She musters her courage and cunning.

“Mariana Podgorsky,” he answers, and shows her the piece of cardboard in his hand.

“I won’t go. Evil tongues must be answered with contempt.”

Even to that the man responds with moderation and says, “If I were in your place, I wouldn’t be stubborn.”

“But I am being stubborn.”

“If so,” says the man, and he pulls a pistol from his belt, “we’ll have no choice but to shoot you. Our order is to bring you in alive or to kill you. It would be easier to kill you and put an end to the whole business.”

Hugo sees the three men up close. They are short, sturdy, and indifferent. He wants to approach them and beg for Mariana’s life, but he is so frightened that the words freeze in his mouth.

The pistol and the coldness that accompany the man’s last words apparently convince Mariana, and she rises to her feet.

Now it’s clear — she’s a head taller than they are.

“Walk, and we’ll follow you,” he says without raising his voice.

Hugo and Mariana start walking. The men don’t hurry them. After a few minutes of walking, without turning her head back to them, Mariana asks, “Why do you need me? I’ll thank you if you tell me the truth.”

“You have nothing to be afraid of. The Russians aren’t like the Germans. With the Russians, nothing is arbitrary. Every innocent person will be freed. You’ll be freed, too. After all, you didn’t kill anyone.”

“I didn’t commit any crime, and I didn’t murder.” She clings to those words.

“You have nothing to fear.” He continues talking in a moderate tone of voice. “They’ll investigate and examine, and in the end they’ll let you go. You need some patience, that’s all.”

“Where are you taking me?”

“To the headquarters.”

“They’ve hardly arrived, and they’re investigating already.”

“A week has passed since the region was liberated. Now they’re checking into everything, and in a little while new life will begin.”

“Since my childhood, I’ve supported myself. No one helped me.” Mariana brings a new tone into the conversation.

Hugo feels as if he’s in a dream, constricted and bound. Even to reach out and take her hand, even that small gesture, is not within his power.

“Mariana,” he whispers.

“What, honey?”

“Where are we going?”

“You heard,” she says curtly.

It turns out they were very close to the city, and right near the river. Hugo remembers clearly the long walks he took with his father. Those were always times of contemplation, mindfulness, and love of nature. He had especially liked the summer walks. On Friday afternoons, on their way home, they would meet bearded Jews going to synagogue. Seeing those Jews, his father would fall silent. In answer to Hugo’s question as to whether those were the real Jews, his father would give a long reply that would confuse things more than it clarified them. Hugo remembers his father’s slight embarrassment and the silence that accompanied it.

“Are we going to walk through the city?” Mariana asks, again without turning to face them.

“The headquarters are located on the outskirts of the city. We’re not far from there.”

“Why don’t you let me go, brothers?” She addresses them without imploring.

“We’re on duty, and our duty won’t permit us to do things like that.”

“We’re brothers, we’re all Ukrainians and the children of Ukrainians,” Mariana says. “What if you tell them that you couldn’t find me?”

“We’ve already been looking for you for three days. We can’t come back empty-handed.”

“I’ll pay you double.”

“We’re Communists and believe in Comrade Stalin.”

“We’re Ukrainians and believe in God and Jesus His Messiah,” Mariana replies. “Leaders come and go, but God is eternal.” There is strength in her voice.

“Communism has done away with the old beliefs.” He isn’t swept away by what she says.

“I would be careful about defying God,” Mariana says. “God is in heaven, and He hears everything. On Judgment Day, we’ll all stand before Him.”

“Are you threatening us?”

“I have no pistol to threaten you. I wanted to remind you that Ukrainians didn’t lose their faith in God even in the dark days.”

“What do you want? We’re just on duty and doing what we’ve been told to do. If you have any complaints, raise them at headquarters. There they will clarify everything. There everything is in order. They’ll hear you out and free you.”

“I want to remind you that I’m a loyal daughter of our tribe. None of us is the height of perfection. I was in the underworld with the God of our fathers. I never abandoned Him, even for a moment.”

“In heaven you’ll be found innocent,” he says curtly.

“I hope that you’ll also find me innocent, if only for the sake of my son, who doesn’t have a living soul in the world.”

“Where’s his father?”

“God knows.”

“Tell them everything in headquarters. They’ll listen to you and let you go.”

“They’re Communists. They don’t believe in God. If I were in your place, I would let the woman go. How much are they paying you for me?”