Aharon Appelfeld - Blooms of Darkness

“Did you have many Jewish friends?” he asked, and he immediately regretted asking.

“Mainly students. They were attracted to me, and I was attracted to them. One student even proposed marriage. I was afraid. I said to myself, he’s educated, he’ll be a lawyer, and what about me? I’m nothing. Aside from that, non-Jews don’t marry Jews.”

“Why not?”

“Because each one believes in something different.”

“We’re not religious.”

“I know.”

One night, a warm, quiet night, angry voices are heard from Mariana’s room. Mariana swears by God and His Messiah, “Today not even a single drop of brandy entered my mouth. All day long I struggled with myself not to drink, and I didn’t.”

Mariana’s oaths are of no use. The man claims that she stinks of brandy, and he won’t lie with a stinking woman. The man’s words push her over the edge. She screams and shouts. The man slaps her face and leaves the room.

Before long the woman with the authoritative voice arrives, and without first coaxing or trying to persuade her, announces that Mariana has been fired, and that she must leave the room within two days.

Hearing that bitter news, Mariana raises her choked voice and says, “Why?”

“You know exactly why.” The woman’s voice cuts like a knife.

“I didn’t drink, I swear to you.”

“Why didn’t you change clothes? Your clothes stink.”

“I didn’t know.”

“I’m fed up with you,” the woman says, and leaves the room.

Hugo knows exactly what that means, but he sympathizes with Mariana and ignores the anger of the woman in charge. No matter , he says to himself, we’ll find a better place .

The hours pass, and Mariana doesn’t come into the closet.

Toward morning, defeated and humiliated, she opens the door and says, “They fired me.”

“You’ve suffered more than enough here.”

“I don’t know what to do.” Despite the shock, she grasps the gravity of her situation.

“I’m willing to go anywhere.”

“Darling, don’t forget that you’re a Jew.”

“Can you see it on me?”

“Not right away, but people have evil eyes, and they’ll discover it very quickly. I thought all day about what to do. It occurred to me to ask my friend Nasha, who works here, to keep her eye on you until I find a hiding place.”

“And I won’t go with you?”

“Honey, I really love you, but you can’t walk around with me in broad daylight. They’ll simply kill you. They kill Jews without mercy. Nasha is a good woman, my age. She’s different from me. She’s not excitable like I am. She always has a plan.”

“And she won’t turn me in?”

“Perish the thought. She’s a very good woman. Her grandpa was a priest.”

“I’m afraid,” Hugo says, without meaning to say it.

“Don’t be afraid. I’ll talk to Nasha. Just for a short time, until I find the right place. I swore to your mother that I would watch over you, and I’ll keep that promise under any condition. Come to me, and I’ll give you a kiss. Now you give me a kiss, harder. We’ll always be together,” she says, and then locks the closet door.

Hugo suddenly feels that danger is approaching. He checks the opening near the toilet that Mariana spoke of, and it’s a good thing he does, because it’s full of boards and rags. After cleaning it, he crawls through it easily and finds himself close to the woodshed. The thought that in an emergency he can escape makes Hugo glad, and he sits and writes in his notebook:

Mama dear ,

Mariana was fired, and she is about to pass me on to her friend Nasha. The contact between people here isn’t soft. Everyone demands the impossible from others. Don’t worry, it’s not aimed at me. Mariana was fired because she drinks, and she really does drink a lot. Mariana promised me that she would look for a hiding place somewhere. I’m sure she’ll do it. I won’t conceal from you that there are days when I’m scared. In my heart I know that most of the fears are groundless. Everything around me here captivates my heart, and I forget the dangers. Most of the time I’m busy listening and making efforts to understand what I hear. The conjectures, I must truthfully confess, don’t lead me far. I feel that I’m changing. Mariana says that I’m maturing. It’s hard for me to know what’s happening in my body. I’ve grown taller, it seems to me .

A few days ago the thought crossed my mind, and it’s hard for me to get rid of it: What harm did the Jews do that everyone is persecuting them? Why do they have to take shelter in hiding places? Mariana says that the Jews are more delicate, and that, too, is something I can’t understand. Are they persecuted because of delicacy? You and Papa always told me, “People are people, there’s no difference among them, the same thoughts and the same pains.”

At home we never talked about what it means to be Jewish. What do we have in us that makes us enemies of humanity? Several times I’ve heard people here saying, “The Jews are a danger to the world, and they have to be destroyed.” I also heard one of Mariana’s guests say, “Our war isn’t against the Poles or against the Russians, but against the Jews.” Opinions like that don’t raise my spirits. I hope that those malicious intentions will never be carried out .

I think about you all the time,

Hugo

The next day the closet door opens, and Mariana stands there with a woman at her side.

“This is Hugo.” Mariana introduces him.

Hugo rises to his feet, as though exposed and with no choice but to admit that he has been in hiding.

“This is my friend Nasha. Nasha will be your new friend from now on. She will watch over you and make sure you’re not hungry. As soon as I get settled, I’ll come and get you. I won’t forget you, honey. Do you like him?” She turns to Nasha.

“Very much.”

“He’s not only sweet and lovable, he’s also smart.”

“Like all the Jews.” Nasha chuckles in a thin, restrained voice.

“Nasha can keep secrets, and you can rely on her. Her grandpa was a priest.”

“Don’t remind me of that.”

“I’m leaving my things with you, dear. When I make the right kind of arrangement, I’ll come and get you.”

Hugo feels more and more frozen with every passing minute. The words he intended to say are erased from his mind. Finally he asks, “Where are you going?”

“God knows.”

“Take care of yourself,” he says, and tears pour out onto his face.

“Don’t cry, honey.” Mariana draws Hugo close and hugs him. “You’re a hero, and you’re brave. Heroes don’t cry. Heroes say, Mariana has to go, but she’ll come back soon. Meanwhile, you’ll fall in love with Nasha, and you won’t want to come with me.”

At first sight it’s hard to figure out the new woman, but Hugo immediately notices: she is better groomed than Mariana.

“Goodbye, and we’ll be seeing each other very soon,” Mariana says, and kisses his face. That is the end of the transfer ceremony.

Hugo sits down and cries. He cries so much that he falls asleep and doesn’t hear the closet door open. Nasha is standing at the doorway.

“I brought you soup and meatballs.”

“Thank you.” Hugo quickly rises to his feet.

“Did you sleep?”

“Yes.”

“Your name is Hugo, right?”

“Correct.”

“That’s an unusual name. It’s the first time I’ve heard that name.”

“In my class there was another boy named Hugo.”

“That’s a Jewish name.”

“Maybe. I don’t know.”

Nasha looks at him attentively, and Hugo feels her gaze surveying him.