William Gaddis - J R

— Only going to grow up as dumb as I was when I met you about things you’re even dumber about, where do you want her to learn on the bathroom wall? And do you think you could stop that for a while? I can’t do my breathing with you making faces out of the corner of my eye.

On another face, his grimace might have signaled the decision to raze Carthage, turning from the mirror to find under her emptied brassiere Role Therapy and the Decision Making Process, huddled marking a margin and erasing that to mark one elsewhere already roughened by erasure, sheltering, once undressed, covert expressions of command, disdain, appeal and magnanimity by turn behind a knee raised underneath the blanket, with now and then among them one of quite candid stealth to where in hard-nippled profile she sat bolt upright with no sign of breathing whatsoever, as she was next morning when he sprawled for the alarm, no sign she’d closed her eyes or moved at all but the pillowslip smudged freely with mascara, disdain, command and magnanimity freed to flee cheaply framed above the spattered basin where he coursed them, shaved and wiped them fresh in the bathroom mirror to pursue their shuddering fragments in the rear view oval while he warmed the car and abandon them there with its halt at the Post Office, where the door banged behind him.

— Hi Mister di look out hey, holy…

— He didn’t even see me boy did you see that hey?

— What you spilled both of ours? holy…

— What do you mean I spilled them he smashed right into me.

— Okay quick help pick them up before he walks all over them here he comes again, I mean holy shit I can’t hardly tell what I’m sending from what I’m getting wait pile it in the middle hey, like how am I supposed to mail this… he blew at the footprint and then smudged it permanently with the heel of his hand across Defense LOgistics S eRvices Center, Battle Creek Mich, did the same with Dow Thoery Forecast as nailbitten fingers tore open a plain wrapper beside him. — Look out hey be careful, I’m suppose to have this check in here someplace…

— Wait that what’s that, give it here.

— Hello, it’s Mary Lou honey, here to say hello and bring you a sample cause I know you’ve shown an interest in ordering fotos of chicks posing in the buff…

— Okay come on give it here hey what’s that, with the Canadian stamp give me it for the stamp hey?

— What do you mean give you it.

— You got it free didn’t you? It’s just this paper in here anyway.

— That’s how much you know boy, it’s this here debenture.

— Debenture shit, you don’t even know what that is.

— What do you mean it says right on it look, Alberta and Western Power Company Series B Debenture…

— Okay so what’s that supposed to be.

— That’s this word I couldn’t think of it that time I’m getting this whole bunch of them look out, what are you ripping.

— I’m just ripping the stamp off it.

— What’s so great about some dumb Canadian stamp.

— You collect them for a stamp collection what do you think, like some day they’re really worth something boy they’re worth more than this crap what’s this one, Ace Development Corporation where’d you send for this crap anyway.

— What do you think I got it off some broker, this Mister Wall like in Wall Street only he’s at California there’s this here ad someplace wait, it said aggressive growth opportun…

— Wall like at Wall Street boy I never heard such…

— Okay what’s so funny about that, I mean there’s this here big broker called Kidder something and this one Hornblower and somebody boy I mean if people would go buy stock off somebody called Hornblow…

— No but look this says a thousand shares like how could you buy a thousand shares…

— Because it’s real cheap what do you think.

— Okay if it’s so cheap so what good is it.

— Because they didn’t find these here virgin minerals yet that’s all, there’s this here free booklet they…

— Wait that’s mine that National Rifle Associa…

— So is this, the New Look in an Artificial Penis! No harness! No straps! Exciting sizes boy you talk about me sending away for crap, regulations and good taste prohibit vivid and detailed…

— Okay give it here, who said I sent away they just sent it to me here, here’s your dumb booklet Frozen Fresh Boneless Beef Futures you don’t even know what that is.

— So why do you think I sent for it that’s…

— Wait there’s something stuck in it what…

— Hi Hon, Ops pardon my back but I couldn’t think of a better way to introduce myself, ’course this sample doesn’t do me justice but I’ve got a jumbo set posed to show off my thirty-eights, twenty-threes and…

— Okay keep it wait what’s…

— What do you mean keep it it says Hyde right on the envelope look, only five dollars sugar course you gotta be twenty-one years old or over okay!!! Boy what a, hey wait that little package give it here.

— How do you know whose…

— Because look it says right here to Mister JR…

— Okay but it says class six J, it just says your name sec open it.

— What do you think I’m doing.

— What’s wait, what’s it a clock? Who wants to send us a clock from let’s see hey, from this bank at Nevada? How come they send us a clock.

— You get to pick this here free gift when you start this bank account there, what’s wrong with that.

— No but how come it says class six J then it’s all of ours, I mean does Mrs Joubert know you’re doing this hey?

— Why shouldn’t I, I mean she’s out sick half the time now anyway what…

— No but how can you just go start some bank account at Nevada without…

— You just cut out this little coupon in the newspaper and send it in with…

— No but I mean you’re supposed to be twenty…

— What like with this here Mary Lou honey you’re suppose to be twenty-one and over? I mean how does she know any more than this dumb bank at Nevada all she knows she gets this five dollars off you for her jumbo set so you’re twenty-one and over, what’s the difference of her and this here bank someplace. I mean where Glancy gave us about modern banking would be impossible without the wonders of the computer see all these electric numbers down here? I mean like this here Mary Lou gets your five dollars why should they give a shit if you’re a hundred wait give me that, boy I been looking for that…

— It’s mine it’s probably my…

— What do you mean yours give me it.

— It says Department of the Army what would you be doing with Dep, wait let me see what it’s, boy, boy are you going to get in trouble.

— Why should I get in trouble it’s this here deal, give me it.

— I mean who cares about this other crap these boneless futures and debuntures and all that crap but you better not shit around with the Army boy.

— That’s how much you know, move your…

— You don’t call picnic forks shitting around with the U S Army boy they get some wise guy that writes to them about picnic forks you think that’s what they do at the Army go for picnics?

— How do I know what they do at the Army look move your elbow, I got it right out of that spot bid catalogue I traded off you to send in for where the Navy got all these new plastic ones so they like spot bid these here wooden surplus ones real cheap for anybody that wants, so this here business opportunities thing the Army’s putting out all these here contracts where one of them’s picnic forks so…

— What a bunch of crap boy, if the Army wants them so much why don’t they just go buy them off the Navy why should they want you in the middle of it.