William Gaddis - J R

— He’s with his bed. Hey Don-ny…!

— Don’t scream! I said go get him.

— Shall I wake Dad?

— My God no, why.

— For supper?

— He ate already Daddy.

— Ate already? Ate what already.

— I don’t know Mama, he just made something and…

— I said will you get Donny.

— Daddy will you help me get Donny? When he gets all those wires around everything with his bed he gets stuck.

— My God… a door banged, there was a sound of something falling, of dragging up the hall. — Nora let Donny sit there, you sit here.

— But Mama he has to sit by where the plug is so he can plug in.

— And I have to get through here without tripping on a cord every time I turn around.

— But he can’t eat nothing if he’s not plugged in. I need a fork.

— Use your spoon.

— Daddy can I use your fork?

— There must be more forks, I’ll get you a…

— She can use her spoon. There aren’t any clean forks.

— But we had plenty of forks, that whole set that…

— Ick, tunafish casserole.

— Sit up and eat.

— Yes we, we don’t have meat very often we…

— Don’t have meat very often! You think they give it away?

— No but there should be enough in the household money for just…

— Household money, Nora sit up and eat. You said Dad already ate, none of the casserole was gone what did he eat?

— Out of the blue dish with the cover, he…

— Oh God. He got in the dog’s food again.

— Would it make him sick Mama?

— Does it make the dog sick?

— Then what’s the matter.

— The way the bathroom smells afterward that’s what’s the matter, now sit up and finish.

— Then will you watch me and Donny’s puppet show?

— Yes, just eat. If you, Donny!

— He couldn’t help it Mama, the wire got caught around his milk glass and…

— My God, all over my skirt. Just stay at the table!

— But you’re…

— Stay right there till you’re finished! she got past them, rounded the corner and down the hall. — Dad! Are you in there? A rude sound responded promptly beyond the bathroom door and here she came again. — All of you! she whispered, getting her skirt off at the kitchen sink.

— We’re done. We’re done. Get ready for the puppet show.

— All of you…

— In here Daddy, in the living room. Donny you get the mouse. I’ll be the clown and the cat and you be the mouse. Daddy you sit here, Daddy sits here and Mama sits here. Donny you’re being the mouse. Mama? You sit here. This is where we live. I’m being the clown and I say let’s get a cat. Come on Donny, you’re being the mouse and you say you don’t want us to get a cat because you’re scared he would eat you, come on, so then you go out. So then the clown goes over and opens the door so the cat can come in and tells him to come in. So then the mouse, come on Donny you’re being the mouse and you hear us, so then the mouse hears us and he comes in where the clown didn’t see him and closes the door on the cat. Come on Donny, come on! You’re being the…

— Nora? it’s close to bed time.

— But just let us…

— Get undressed Nora. Both of you.

— Mama Donny always ruins everything, he was supposed to be practicing and he was always going back to work on his old bed while he was supposed to be practicing the puppet show. He’s always ruining everything…

Somewhere a clock made a try at striking the hour. A door banged, a toilet flushed, a door banged. Tape measure, linen counter, calibrated pencil, perforation gauge, — what are you doing with all that stuff? she came in behind him.

— Just, just getting it out of my pockets…

— Would you mind dumping it somewhere else? I need the mirror.

Calibrated pencil, linen counter, tape measure, perforation gauge, — Aren’t you afraid the children will see you like that? he said, picking them up.

— See me like what.

— Just, I mean, walking around naked…

— Why should they be afraid to see me walking around naked?

— No I mean you, aren’t you afraid…

— Well say what you mean… leaning into the mirror she removed an eyelash. — Afraid! she removed the other eyelash, — because you’re afraid you think everybody else should be afraid?

— Well no, he brought his eyes up from the smutch of hair she’d turned on him — I only meant…

— You only meant, you’re even afraid to say what you mean… she padded past him and bent over to pick up something, a hairpin? behind the radiator, — afraid it will devour you, that anything alive will devour you.

He stared at it gone upside down, lips parting, cleared his throat. — Are you using the typewriter?

— Am I using the typewriter. She straightened round, an arm akimbo and a breath that briefly exalted things to the disposition of calendar art. — Do I look like I’m using the typewriter?

— There’s something in it, he hastened round himself to turn the roller — I just didn’t know…

— Well take it out that’s right, throw it away, she came on, dispelling breath in a gesture that restored her homey disproportion fully dressed, — it’s probably just something of mine for the Foundation grant.

— They were dead on foot. They were helpless too, because they were dead on foot. Probably had an earthquake. When you come to red brick dust you know you’re coming to a house where the people are standing and the people died on foot…

— All right, I’ve read it.

— But what is it?

— What is it. What do you think it is, something of mine? It’s a composition of Nora’s what do you, don’t you dare throw that away.

— I wasn’t going to, I just…

— Just because you think it doesn’t show talent? You probably wonder how she can be your own daughter she has more talent in, where are you going?

— Finger, he muttered crossing the room.

— What?

— Are you done at the mirror?

— I can tell you what you’ll see there.

— It’s in, something in connection with my work.

— Your work. What, Whiteback told you to take a good look at yourself?

— No this job, the people I talked to in New York today about…

— Job. What job, you’re going to model?

— No it’s in the area of, in the management area, he said to the reflection over the droop of his own shoulder where she was blowing up the inflatable belt that now bridled her thighs. — Executive decision making in the…

— Before and after, you could model before.

— De, decision making, he said to one side, and the other, catching reflections of her exercise over each shoulder. — Role playing, the use of role playing in teaching de, de, the decision making…

— So you’re going to stand there all night and make faces at yourself in the mirror? she said, and dropped from sight.

— Mama what’s the matter!

— Go to bed Nora.

— Daddy what’s Mama doing on the floor with that…

— I said go to bed! She sat up. — It’s like Grand Central station. Can’t you go in and use the bathroom mirror?

— It stinks in there Mama. Daddy can you come plug Donny in?

— Go to bed I said! My God, roll play… She got the belt off and mounted her bed. — Roll play.

He stared into the mirror and then turned slowly to her seated bolt upright, knees yawning as she brought her feet up soles together. — But you, you see what I mean about them seeing things, they…

— Seeing things! She nested her heels, — it’s about time they saw things, you and your roll playing it’s about time they saw some of that. She thinks sex is bumblebees spraying dandelines…

— But she’s only…