William Gaddis - J R

— Go out spend fifty cents on their wedding present stack of damn placemats Zona what the devil you expect where’s that handkerchief, damn it Beaton told you to…

— And I want my detectives back too they lost that ape when you took them and if anything happens to him Beaton I want to know it, his price could double and leave me sitting with my thumb in my…

— Yes ma’am of course in the event of his death his estate would be assessed the full market value you’ve established on any work remaining in his posses…

— Anything remaining anywhere belongs to me what about that heap of junk he went out and spent my good money on.

— Yes ma’am he sold a large section of it we immediately attached the bank dep…

— Unloaded it on this same damn outfit we’re talking about Zona, fool art foundation they set up paid out twenty thousand for it handed ninety more to some damn band want that money put in escrow Beaton, find out how legal that damn founda…

— You put that money in escrow Beaton I’ll put you in escrow I’ll put Mister Katz there in escrow I’ll…

— By God…

— Please I think you’ll have to leave if the patient can’t…

— Beaton you tell him if he tries that I’ll sue him for, dried up old Raggedy Andy with his tin heart I’ll sue him for impersonating himself for impersonating Mister Katz he’s nobody, he’s a lot of old parts stuck together he doesn’t even exist he started losing things eighty years ago he lost a thumbnail on the Albany nightboat and that idiot classmate of his Handler’s been dismantling him ever since, started an appendectomy punctured the spleen took it out then came the gall bladder that made it look like appendicitis in the first place now look at him, he’s listening through somebody else’s inner ears those corneal transplants God knows whose eyes he’s looking through, windup toy with a tin heart he’ll end up with a dog’s brain and some nigger’s kidneys why can’t I take him to court and have him declared nonexistent, null void nonexistent why can’t I Beaton.

— Well it, it would be a novel case ma’am I doubt if there are precedents and the time it would take to adjudi…

— By God Beaton shut that woman up get the damn phone!

— The patient’s going up in a couple of minutes could you…

— Hold that damn thing closer! who’s… Broos? What’s holding up the damn vote on this loan guaran… who is? Do some horse trading damn it got the vote on his sugar support bill haven’t you? Whole damn economy going to hell in a handbas… read your speech yes damn fine speech something don’t turn the damn Dow around fast we… Know that damn it have to restructure their damn debt first don’t we? Thought I’d turn it over to Monty once this smelter’s off and… By God what’s that got to do with it lot of damn… damn politician yourself don’t know it’s a lot of damn nonsense? Leftwing press drum something up smear anybody they can reach, Monty drew up that smaltite contract before he went into the damn government didn’t he? still working for the damn stockholders when he drew it up wasn’t he? Job he had running Typhon get the best damn deal he could for the stockholders just what he did, takes a salary cut goes to serve his damn country gets this leftwing press hounding him out of office any damn wonder Washington can’t get one single damn good man to… Whole smelting operation over there declared surplus what the damn contract says don’t it? None of their business in the first place, question of the damn national security cobalt stockpile requirements set up damn thing ought to be running right now only damn prob… labor force whole damn Malwi labor force decimated yes how the devil’d that happen, Dé’s people supposed to annex it just heard they walked in these buggers meet them armed to the damn teeth Dé’s bunch panic cut them down like flies go in to clean up find all they had’s toys, pistols carbeens submachineguns rocket launchers every damn weapon you can think of plastic toys poor buggers must have… don’t know damn it maybe Candia what’s left of it, heard that red regime collapsed when Nowunda cleared out probably find him hiding under Milliken’s phone damn it Beaton have to tell you to pick the damn thing up? Way that damn fool stuck his neck out backing that UN resolution supporting interven… what?

— Yes…? no this is a hospital room who…

— Who Milliken? Have to do some damn arm twisting, had his law firm out there retained by this Alsaka outfit of theirs didn’t he? Still sore the way they blew the corner off his state didn’t lose any damn constituents did he? few sheep and Indians no damn reason to get so… who that damn bunch camped out down below there? Whole treaty abrogated Bureau of Land Management’s got every damn right to lease it out for ninety-ni… still wards of the damn government aren’t they? Damn lawsuit even if they won it BIA still their guardian’s got to give them permission to spend every damn nickel don’t it? Meet their damn legal responsibilities litigation keep them busy the next ten years BIA break-in, stolen car transported across state lines did in a salesman out there even got his fine boy in the hospital heard one of them assaulted a federal marshal with a damn hair dryer, add on their court costs in this suit with these bankrupt cement companies over their original treaty reservation won’t have a pot left to… Any that wants to stay there fine stay there and work, heard they’re starting to pull out lowgrade coal plenty of damn work for everybody why I want this damn… no got Beaton up here on it now like something a damn monkey put to… know the figures are incomplete damn it that’s the what…? Never heard of it hold on, Beaton?

— I never have no, just a minute…

— Beaton! Wants the assets of J R Shipping Corp some query on a six percent subsidy, who the devil’s that.

— A Mister just a minute I said! yes sir it’s right here with, most of the parent company employees seem to have been on the payroll but the only asset I’ve uncovered is a here it is yes, a vessel under construction designated hull number three five nine seven now lying in damaged condition in the vicinity of Mile sixteen point six Galveston River approximately four mi…

— Broos? Beaton still digging up the figures on it sounds like the kind of stunt they tried to pull at the last minute there loading their Ray-X payroll with everybody in this damn fool family of companies right down to the scrubwomen build up their overhead on these cost-plus contracts looked like they had half the damn country working on them, they… Know that damn it so’s the damn bank, can’t expect us to keep nursing it can you? Thought maybe Typhon could take it on Beaton tells me we’d run straight into antitrust only other damn thing’s DOD, already tied up in these cost overruns and… Well by God whose damn fault’s that! DOD’s projects aren’t they? DOD contracts aren’t they? So damn tied up in it cost overruns all the rest let them take over the whole shooting match can’t expect the stockholders to… no reason the damn Army can’t do it under the War Powers Act is there? buy up all the Ray-X preferred like the damn Navy did this Long Island defense plant here two or three years ago? No dividend nonvoting nonconvertible company redeems it in five years from after-tax prof… well why the devil’d you think I told you to hold up this damn vote, arms procurement budget this size you can damn well squeeze in this many million nobody look at it twice…

— Excuse me could we put up the phone now? The patient…

— Water somebody get me some water…

— Damn it Beaton come back here with that! Broos… Didn’t hear you no, who… can’t take time to open that damn can of worms now just had Monty on the phone here nuisance over this tv channel point is who’s the damn applicants, stunt that peachy little wop just pulled probably expects to run for president stays out of jail we can stick him in a judgeship out here in… to call who? By God no wouldn’t ask a dog to appoint him, just get him the damn nomination tenth judicial district march right up and elect him been voting the straight ticket out there since McKin… know that damn it but he’s tied up with this Flo-Jan outfit that’s applying for this damn tv channel out there isn’t he? Him and this Whitefoot whatever his fool name is pull his damn bank out of the hole find him a berth on the FCC don’t know enough to keep his damn fool mouth… Well by God don’t talk to me about interference somebody has to hold things together that’s why damn it! Most of the damn trouble in the world’s made by damn fools with nothing to do have to give them something to do to keep them off the damn streets and I’m by God sick and tired of hearing them bite the damn hand that feeds them hear me? Only damn reason they think something’s worth doing’s they get paid to do it, make a nickel and they march around show off their damn cars ranch splits backyard pools outboard boats kids eating peanut butter take credit like they was the ones invented their success by their own damn selves don’t see me in a damn backyard pool do you? don’t see me taking vacations do you? Somebody don’t spend every damn minute working to hold the whole damn thing together for them they’ll be squatting in tents on the White House lawn make Coxey’s Army look like a damn Sunday school picnic by God Broos don’t talk to me about interference! Politicians can’t make up your damn minds take your winnings with one hand got the other one out shaking every fool hand you can grab still want to be liked well by God I made that choice eighty years ago never been here damn it give me that!