William Gaddis - J R

— Yes well, go ahead I just want to finish…

— Like do you want me to bring in that mail?

— Yes go ahead, I just…

— And like shall I open these packages?

— Yes go ahead… and the pen moved again, arching, dipping, paused to add a title to the list and his face was back closer to a fresh sheet of empty staves licked lips parting, meeting, parting on puffs of sound against the ripping of paper over the rush of waters beyond, the trickle at his back from under boxes and the massed Musical Couriers

— today. Many were from the finest homes in America. Many were treasured heirlooms…

— Like I mean what we really need here, man.

— But what, what is it…

— Like it’s this electric tie rack I mean can’t you see? Like it says you organize them by color on these little wheels and there’s this pushbutton selector where they rotate like they must think you’re a fucking basket case man, look at this one.

— But what’s it for, it looks…

— Like it says right on it man Steakwatcher, I mean like it really says solid state computer programmed for broiling steaks and chops to perfection I mean somebody really paid money for these, man.

— Yes well some, there’s probably a card from some company in the…

— I mean like a lot of fucking money man, like they’re scared if they gave you something somebody might like really need you’ll think it’s this fucking insult… An armload of mail cascaded to the sofa, — like I mean things are really screwed up.

— I know it but, look I just want to finish this before…

— Before what man. Like I mean the whole fucking scene is coming down…

— and any other mouthwash is like the difference between a lovely Beethoven sonata and an ear splitting blast from…

— Oh wow.

— What’s, no wait wait don’t open…

— Man I didn’t see this box I mean who sent you this!

— Wait no look if you put it on the whole thing will look it’s too long, the feathers are dragging on…

— But I mean wow like are these real eagle feathers?

— Yes but I don’t know but look if it gets dirty I wait, wait you can’t wear it carrying all that what…

— These cups for grape drink and here here quick get this before it…

— Put it on the, here put it on Moody’s what is it anyhow.

— It’s these enchiladas and like this is remoulade sauce it says on the jar I mean what did you expect.

— I thought maybe this time you look out the grape drink! I thought this time if I gave you that five dollars for food maybe we could eat something that…

— Well look man I mean it says niney-nine cents right on the can and this remoulade sauce it says…

— No I mean I thought you could buy something, just go in and buy some regular food we could…

— Man like what’s the difference I mean you’re getting like this five dollars’ worth, I mean add up the cans and there’s like these capers and these fancy snails out there like I mean how am I supposed to save up to get Chairman Meow out of this vietrinary man… She shunted mail aside with a ruffle of feathers, — man I don’t see how they go around all the time with all these feathers sticking up their…

— Well they don’t but they do wear, look if you could just button that shirt a little, it’s…

— Man like my pants got wet with that tub in there I mean I can’t wear them wet… but she got a button holed, licked sauce from her fingers and tore open an envelope. — Like they’re delivering your thousand gross assorted plastic flowers from Hong Kong man.

— Who is what plastic flowers I…

— Like it just says owing to backed up warehousing facilities your recent bid on shipment three five nine seven one…

— Yes well just, just put it over there wait be careful that looks like a check.

— It’s like your Texas Gulf dividend man, fifteen cents, and like here’s another one, Pacific Telephone. Thirty cents.

— Yes well those are, I’m putting those in the ice tray in the…

— I mean this is what they’re always talking about Wall Street? Like I mean I never saw such a…

— No but those are just one share people usually own more than, wait don’t throw that away it’s…

— What all this crap that was with them?

— Yes it’s the, they send out this literature to their stockholders to keep…

— Literature? I mean like you call this literature man?

— No no I don’t they do it’s all, it’s quarterly reports and…

— This reduced fully diluted shares outstanding by sixteen percent which had the effect after imputed interest on like you call that literature man I mean I call it bullshit… Paper tore, — wow.

— What…

— The telephone bill, it’s like one thousand eight hundred seventy-six dollars, I mean man you owe them like two thousand dollars and so far you take in like forty-five cents I mean…

— No well the telephone bill is, it isn’t mine personally it’s…

— Like here’s one you better answer then, personal and confidential I mean it’s this executive placement agency that knows of several attractive possibilities if in the near future you should be interested in considering alternatives at the executive vice president level in a major corporate man you told me you’re getting out of this crap so you can write all this music…

— Yes well I am as soon as I…

— Man it’s always like as soon as you something I mean here’s one will you chair this management symposium on healing the sick corporation I mean that must be some chair. And like who’s E Berst, I mean look here’s this same piece of mail about buying these free records addressed to E Gast, E Bast, B Best I mean there’s seven, eight nine there’s like eleven of it the same with all these screwed up names like…

— Yes well they think, I think they think it’s cheaper just to mail them all than check every name on these lists they buy to see if look be careful, you’re getting that sauce on the…

— Man like E Berst E Gast I mean how do you expect me to open all this mail I mean…

— There’s that electric opener right under…

— What like you want me to chop off all my fingers? And I mean look what’s, I mean look did you know this Eigen is getting all his mail forwarded here too? Like he just sent some more newspapers up here and these books and this box of all these broken toys I mean there won’t even be anyplace left to…

— No well his mail I’ve just been putting it on the top oven shelf with here if this is the Grynszpan pile, wait keep it away from that pile Al dumped there he can’t just leave it here without what’s that one, that foreign one…

— Man it’s like addressed to J R Corp Famili… paper tore, — Dear Madame. I take the liberty to write to you from a strange country, you don, know but don,t be asthonised, because I have heard from your good he. Our famili is quite ruined. My husband is very sick, death sick, without hope of guerishing. I beg you to send for him some cloth and underwear, pijame, all very very used, or second hand which you would wear and would cast away. Do you imagine this awful winter coming and we are allways cold. May I hope that my prayer could reach and touch heart which is always batting for the poor. I beg my God to give you hundred fold. Yours truly and miserable man like I mean how can you pronounce Srskić…

— Well I, I don’t know but it’s…

— I mean like why don’t you send them those deluxe barbeque tools and this fucking computer for broiling steaks man…

— Look, I don’t…

— I mean her husband’s sitting there in no underwear without hope of guerishing man like you could send him that electric heated towel stand that came yesterday to hang his pijame on while his neckties rotate and Mrs Zrk is running around with the deluxe barbeque tools waiting for this solid state computer to boil their steaks and chops to perf…