William Gaddis - J R

— What on, this…?

— One down here in the corner probably no this corner here yes thought you’d take this one our tastes run pretty close corporate identity there jumps off the page and hits you right between the eyes couldn’t get your okay but gave them the go ahead at X–L to print up half a million matchbooks spread them around the country wherever there’s a prestige market build up the parent company image bookstores that kind of place where the heavy smokers hang out having a case sent to your uptown headquarters put a pile on the coffee table, Boss sent the word down he wants it painted on the tail of the company plane before you take off tomorrow show the flag to the troops in the field and…

— Wait now wait Mister Davidoff where, take off where…

— LaGuardia thought you’d want to get out there the night before the funeral do a little fence mending and…

— Yes but whose wait no this recording I have to take care of this here whole, of recording this whole…

— Don’t worry about it music boys I talked to know their business have it all wrapped up for you when you get back the Boss wants me on deck here for brush fires or I’d go along to hold your hand said he’d go himself but he’s all tied up, parent company’s chief executive officer there to represent him nobody gets their feelings hurt gives this family of companies image a shot in the arm line Milliken up and go from there the Boss said he didn’t think you’d met him oh Vir…

— Look of course I haven’t he knows I’ve never met Senator Milliken and whose…

— Thought this sounded like the best chance you’ll get relaxed friendly atmosphere nobody pushing hoist a few to the dear departed and go from there wouldn’t push too hard on Wonder’s age though Milliken himself must be a hundred takes you right into the Eldercare bill coming up for a vote in the Senate next week need him to do some armtwisting on it goes through and this whole Health Package is off and running might do some logrolling on this free milk program in the schools with the boys from the dairy states trying to get a call through to him offer him a ride out booze it up on the piane a little find out where this USDA project stands government funding to clear out the tobacco and grow pot pull Ritz right out of the red just had Beamish up here gave me the slip before I got to him on this trademark registration can’t drag our heels the Boss thought you might have some brand name ideas only one he’s come up with so far is Ace, agency boys are trying to talk him around to Mary Ja…

— Yes no wait look listen Mister Davidoff he said something to me about this on the phone the whole thing’s just absurd, the government helping them even letting them grow marijuana and asking a United States Senator to…

— Got hold of the wrong end of the stick Mister Bast if you don’t mind my saying so whole point here’s just grading and taxing, big market waiting out there all your big interests having a hemorrhage watching kids and amateurs pocket the profits government missing a tax source like letting your moonshiners work in the sunshine, government grading program going all your big boys get in the act sponsor medical studies canned editorials press releases educate the public, get the hopheads behind them pass the laws and put them out of business, caught growing the stuff be like running a still all the big boys’ brand names already registered can’t drag our heels want to work up some ads for these Duncan lines be all ready to go when…

— All right Mister Davidoff all right! I, I’ll discuss it with J R and now about, about money I…

— Need walking around money for the trip yes a hundred? Oh Virginia get Mister Bast here a hundred dollars out of petty cash better give me fifty too while I think of it taking a couple of the media boys out for drinks later got the Boss pushing this family image might want to work that Just Rite line into this jingle he says you’re doing on the side for Wonder Beer oh and Virginia put mine down on the agency’s account and Mister Bast’s on the parent company’s, something on some tuition bills he wanted me to mention too Mister Bast said you’d get no deduction if the parent paid them wants you to take care of them yourself so you can take the deduction really looks after you…

— Yes well that’s…

— Incidentally that check you had from some school for fifteen thousand two fifteen was it? Looking into that stop payment on it local bank out there having some problems asked for their president said he’d quit and gone to Washington going through some kind of reorg…

— Yes well that’s why that loan you helped me arrange I talked to Mister Crawley about it and…

— Call from his gal on it this morning yes just wanted to check out your figures picking up your option on five thousand shares at ten with a loan against some stock he’s holding in a family account is it?

— My aunts yes he’s taking care of their inv…

— Put up your five thousand shares as collateral to borrow against and retire the loan their stock’s back in their account and figuring your J R Corp yesterday’s opening at fourteen and a quarter that gives you seventy-one two fifty market value margin limit eighty percent so you come up with fifty-seven, fifty paid back on the loan so you come out with about seven thousand less charges sound right? Should be here waiting for you when you pull in from this trip oh Virginia big box that came in where is it Mister Bast wants to take it with him if he’s going straight from the uptown office tomorrow want to put a copy of that script in with it where thought you just gave it to me…

— That’s it there Mister Davidoff what that messenger…

— What this oh put his play on top yes any sign of this Walldecker yet? Oh and…

— But, but wait Virginia what’s in the box.

— It’s this Indian suit Mister Bast you…

— Chief’s outfit box is just big because of the feathers guarantee it’s authentic three hundred dollars rental it ought to be, honorary ceremony standing in for the Boss all the rest of them done up in feathers didn’t want you to be embarrassed he…

— Embarrassed! but what kind of…

— Don’t worry about it whole thing laid out in the script here might run through it with Milliken on the plane down from Wonder’s funeral pep him up about getting in the act want him right up there on the platform with you sending a man out from Endo to handle the appliances topflight sales…

— Wait no wait Mister Davidoff I mean this whole trip is something I hardly…

— Don’t worry about it haven’t wanted to bother you with…

— I’m not worried about it! Now will you…

— But holy, I mean look Mister Bast glad to go to your funeral pow wow with your Indians myself but the Boss wants me on deck here pull your band together set up your taping tramp out these brush fires get as much of this off your back as I can but you don’t make it easier Mister Bast try to help you out but you don’t make it easier, little communications gap between you and the Boss glad to be the messenger boy but I can’t help what’s in the message even tried to back you up to him he comes right back with how much he’s done for you responsibilities as the parent’s chief executive officer option on five thousand shares at ten I might feel a little different but just coming in to carry your PR load see what it’s like running the store here brush fires calls gang camped out over there on the sofa feeling I’m the only one that keeps things…

— Mister Davidoff listen I know…

— Dave just make it Dave time we got on a first name basis Bast look I know the Boss isn’t easy to handle never are or they wouldn’t be where they are but hire a topflight speechwriter to draft his statements get some mileage out of them hardly reach him myself but some press boy calls him last night he hands out the word on She over the phone, draft of your speech here for the security analyst boys probably call and read them that on the phone too says he’ll call here and doesn’t when he does sounds like he’s in Afghanistan sends through these blunt memos have to fill in the spaces myself wants us to look into Ampex Campbell’s Soup Union Underwear Franklin Mint this SSS insurance outfit tie in with his Health Package Champion Plywood Erebus Productions talk him out of Western Union he finds Walt Disney selling for peanuts wants to look into that sounded on the phone like he said he’d just like to get Mickey Mouse by the short hair even asks me how’s Russia making out, says he has these Russian Imperial bonds what he’s got against Mickey Mouse not saying he’s stupid Bast wouldn’t be where he is if he was real feeling for the gut issue some of this though I just tie up my…