William Gaddis - J R

— No idea. His hand came to her shoulder where he held her. — Bet your father’s busy right now with that nose of his.

— Oh it’s all simply so, simply…

— That Uncle John sounds like a charmer too.

— No he’s, I suppose he’s simply a bully really because he’s always been allowed to be that’s all, for so long…

— Got an idea let’s move in with him get his mind off things…

— You’d go mad there, that big empty house in Pelham I haven’t been in it since after Mama died, he’s been getting the same commuting train for fifty years he plays cards on it do you know why?

— Just sounds like a man who likes to win…

— Yes dimes to win dimes do you know why? Because all these years he’s hated Franklin Roosevelt he still does, he thinks he ruined the country and when that dime came out with Roosevelt’s face on it he started to collect them to get them out of circulation honestly he did, he had a pocket in his suits a special one to put them in and the end of the day any he’d got in change or won at cards he’d empty out this pocket into boxes, he still does…

— Good God he sounds like he, get the March of Dimes up there march right through his house and…

— I haven’t been there since after Mama died it was, I was still in school and someone came to dinner he was a man who made fine china and, Mama’d been cremated and he said if, he said right at the dinner table he told Daddy if they’d give him her ashes he’d, he’d make a fine chop plate human ashes make the finest china he said but, but why a chop plate why he said a chop plate…

— Amy…

— Why a chop plate why he, he’d never met her but why he couldn’t think of, couldn’t even think of her as something less… her hand rose over his closed from one still breast to the other where there seemed neither rise nor fall. — Jack where did you go to school? to boarding school?

— A place up, small school nobody’s ever heard of in Connecticut up near Hartford, probably not even there any…

— Jack? she was up beside him, brushed the fall of her hair from his face — it’s not so late the banks are closed yet is it?

— Banks? I…

— Because if I have to, Jack I have to go away for a little to get these things settled and if I need the fare can you lend it to me?

— Why, lend it give it yes what… his hand came up as though uncertain whether to steady or to stay the leg gone over him, maw drawn wide in mere promise of the leg to follow, recover the mere function of getting from one place to another, — but to where…

— No just to lend it, to Geneva…

— To, Geneva? he got his feet to the carpet — you mean now?

— Yes you might phone an airline, she called back to him, — I’m just going to bathe and Jack ask them what time it is…?

— What day it is, he muttered, getting the telephone, scratching as though seeking a place to scratch, dialing, buttoning buttons, getting through in baffled tones and up — forgot to ask what God damned day it is…

— Did you find something? she asked to her own image in the glass, bent close lining an eye, — and the fare?

— Got three hours, he said brushed close behind where water beaded white missed by the fallen towel, — four hundred sixty-five one way first class but Amy what…

— It’s rather more than I thought, she said as the line went on under her eye without a waver, — Jack please… eyeliner paused under the other eye for both to rise to meet his in the glass, — it’s simply something I must do if I don’t go now I’m afraid I, I might never… and his eyes fell away, as his hand did, but the eyeliner still paused as though aware his eyes, gone from the glass where he hunched at the bed’s edge, had merely dropped to where his hand had been, — there’s a shopping bag in the kitchen I think, could you get it? please…?

Back with it, he sat fastening up that waist half following contours now no more than that gone in a half slip, the full fall of her breasts as she bent dropping a skirt rolled into the shopping bag, one shoe and then another in after it and then and with the same dispatch one breast and then the other into the scant suspense of a brassiere. — Amy listen what, how long are you going to be gone this whole thing is…

— A few days I don’t know really, maybe weeks Jack where will I find you when I’m back?

— Just, I don’t know I, getting kind of used to this place feel like I was born here, what’s going to happen to it?

— Don’t be silly it’s, I suppose it will simply stand empty it was leased on some sort of corporate tax arrangement I think… she got a shoe on, — some number where I can call you though? Can you just write it down and put it in my bag? There’s a pen in it…

— Only thing I can, give you Eigen’s number only one I can think of… he got a shoe on, getting to her bag.

— And your penicillin it’s right in the drawer there…

— It’s gone I took it all, still feel like death warmed over.

— Jack will you see a doctor? if you keep not feeling well will you promise? She turned fastening a last button, — Jack you’re not taking that!

— Might rain, I just thought I…

— Honestly put it back in the closet! You should have got one at Tripler’s you can get one now, I can drop you…

— Amy listen Amy…

— No Jack please! I, I’ve told you I’m not brave Jack if I stop now I, it’s simply something I must do can you get that shopping bag? I think my mascara’s run…

— But, God damn it it’s not you I don’t trust Amy it’s life, it’s the whole God damned…

— Jack please please just, just tell me you’ll work on your book while I’m gone that you’ll really start today on it that you won’t have any more of these silly ideas about, about what’s not worth doing and all of your…

— But Amy with you gone the whole God damned thing will, get out and see myself in the daylight wonder what in hell you ever saw in me that…

— Jack don’t talk that way! She leaned close to the glass again, touching at a line under one eye, and then the other. — I love you for reasons you’ll never know anything about, she said paused there a moment longer, looking, before she turned away to leave the mirror free to lamp and heads of beds empty across the gap, reached his arm through the door. — What else is this you’ve got?

— Scotch, hardly drank any of it…

— And Jack you won’t drink a lot?

— No I, no… he cleared his throat, stopped behind her at that expanse of white sofa to sweep up the yellow robe half from the floor there, hold it up with the tear in it — not taking this?

— What? she turned where she had the door opened off the foyer looking up as though he’d interrupted her looking for reason not to go further, and she pulled it closed sharply, — oh that? No… She pulled open the front door, — you thought it was mine…? and it snapped closed behind them, a half step before her into the elevator and out of it a half, one behind, sealed by a gaping liveried doorman into a cab off with a jolt that left him heaped in the corner staring along the line of her cheekbone, the clarity of her skin and long fingers putting on dark glasses, down the line of her throat. — The bank shouldn’t take a minute, Jack you’re sure it’s all right?

— Yes look why don’t I come with you, got enough for two round trips and…

— Don’t be silly, driver can you wait…?

And out of the bank behind her, — wish at least you’d taken enough for the round trip Amy God damn it suppose you…

— Jack don’t be silly, driver will you stop at Tripler’s please?

— No but, Amy!

— No Jack please… she caught his hand and held it there against the seat, turned to the window from him gazing with such concentration he might have been trying to commit to memory each delicate convolution of her ear. — To leave you on a day like this in that poor poplin suit I do hope your new one’s ready today, they said it should be… they slowed in toward the curb,