William Gaddis - J R

— Look Vern just…

— either shit or get off the pot…

— Just Parentucelli on the other phone yes, he’s… No Pecci’s political campaign he thinks they should either ahm, either fish or cut bait that is to say, this man Cibo is… Yes some sort of publicity stunt to give Pecci a new ahm, make him a hero yes but of course the… The smut issue yes but of course… Hyde yes in fact the boy’s father just walked in, he… To transfer the financing right into his name without going through the estate yes I’ll… no well at this price I don’t think he’ll mind the ahm; the smell you might say…

— Mind if I hang up this phone too Whiteback? Sounds like somebody left a toilet running.

— Yes no go ahead Vern come in Mister ahm Major that was Gottlieb down to the Cadillac agency, he thinks he can put the financing on the car right into your name without repossessing it from Glancy’s estate to handle it like ahm, like a used car sale that is to…

— What was that about a smell.

— No well of course it was used since Glancy did use it to ahm, I think the Cadillac people prefer to say previously owned yes and he’d only driven it seven miles but of course he’d been in it for a week when they found him down in the woods there and apparently they’ve been unable to remove the, to restore the smell of a new car interior that is to…

— Won’t mind a whiff now and then will you Major, be like driving Glancy around in the back seat where you can’t see his…

— Look Vern I don’t have time to…

— Yes well I think Vern just means the back seat would have been more ahm, of course we thought he’d taken off to look for his wife until Parentucelli’s men found him down there with that hose from the exhaust to the driver’s ahm, sitting behind the wheel yes even though he wasn’t going, wasn’t dressed to go anywhere that is to say, he…

— Yes what about his suit, I meant to…

— No well down to the bank of course Dan we knew none of his bills had been paid because his wife must have torn up all the checks he’d written against this last loan and then cashed one herself for the total before she disappeared but ahm, yes I don’t think anyone was suing Glancy yet they’d hardly…

— No no what I meant was my suit I think he…

— I think Dan means his wife’s suit don’t you Dan?

— No I don’t think she’s not suing anybody no no I just meant a brown tweed suit he got at the…

— You mean your wife hasn’t mentioned a lawsuit against me Dan?

— Yes well she may not have seen the ahm, of course she knows about the suit against Dan as driver of the other vehicle but she may not have seen the newspaper story about the keys being left in the death ahm, I have the clipping right here somewhere the death vehicle I think they call it suing for a million dollars on grounds of criminal negligence but of course…

— Prices like that maybe we all ought to sell out. What do they want for the one with the cap pistol.

— Yes well they’re only asking ahm of course they’re suing the government too but they’re only asking eight hundred thousand in their suit against the school claiming the boy had ahm, might have had a career in music if our testing program hadn’t ahm, of course this other boy who just came to the attention of the telephone company when they discovered he was calling Hong Kong and Sydney Australia without going through their ahm, through approved channels had scored near the bottom of Dan’s…

— Set up a testing program to weed out the bad risks and I end up with…

— Yes well he’d been weeded out too that is to say which was why he was home experimenting with the telephone in the first place, of course I’ve had to write the telephone company that he’s only eleven which will probably make them quite ahm, they’re already quite put out over our pay telephone booth out here of course being billed nine hundred forty-seven dollars in collect calls which can’t be this boy who broke into their long lines because of course he was at home doing a very fine ahm, offered him a very fine salary that is to say but of course I’ve had to write them that he’s only elev…

— Then will you tell me how I end up with this other bunch asking a million dollars for a kid with nothing ahead of him but forty years as a gas station attendant at fifty a week? That’s a hundred thousand tops if he’d stayed out of jail, I told you this testing program was going to blow up in our faces back when Dan started having trouble with his holes and now you’ve got every jobless welfare freeloading…

— Yes well of course when we found out what Leroy was up to it was too late to stop this ahm, naming Dan in the suit by the family of this boy with the music ahm, with the cap pistol that is to say since his test results had put the boy into that class in the first place and of course Dan agrees that…

— Then why the hell wasn’t he in it.

— Yes well I think Vern means…

— I mean the first thing I told you Whiteback, the only real function you’ve got here is custodial. If he was put into that class why was he out sticking people up with a cap pistol?

— Yes well I thought you ahm, with the space problem for this expensive equipment our retarded ahm…

— Whiteback had to set the little retreads up in business over in east seven Vern, we talked about it the last time you…

— No well in fact we had to put them into ahm, out of business that is to say Major we talked about it the last time you were in about that new equipment from your subsiderary for our new ahm, setting up our new home ec center where the kindergartners were ahm, where the kindergarten was…

— Where’d you set them up in business, in the halls? their stuff hanging all over the walls out there…

— Yes well I think Vern means the ahm, the three dimensional paintings and the ahm…

— I mean what looks like a lot of boards with chewing gum stuck on them and painted over.

— Yes well the landscapes that is to say they molded the landscapes in ahm, in gum yes in fact that’s all from the adult hobby show isn’t it Dan I think Dan’s wife worked with the art therapy group for ahm, for arthritics yes even the typewriter portraits received a good deal of ahm, I’m sure if Vern wanted to know more about it Dan your wife…

— What I want to know more about Whiteback is the kindergarten. Where is it.

— Yes well of course when all this latest equipment from Major Hyde’s subsiderary made it necessary to ahm, made it possible that is to say to set up our new home ec center…

— You put the kindergarten out of business too, is that it?

— Yes but of course since kindergarten had been held in ahm, where first grade was scheduled before we ran into problems spacewise with ahm, schedulewise that is to say with the ahm…

— Just wait a minute Whiteback, before Vern leads you down the garden path any further I want to know what you’re getting at Vern. I’ve spent a hell of a lot of my company’s time trying to let these youngsters in on the benefits of the latest in educational technology in fact I just had an urgent call from my office and I ought to be there now but I stopped in to see Whiteback on another, on a curriculum matter but I’ll tell you one thing, when I get up and lay my company’s name on the line…

— I think he’s getting ready to tell us what America’s all about Whiteback, all I want to know is whether he’s rim your first grade out of business too.

— Yes well I think what Mister Hyde meant Vern was ahm, what Vern means Major is of course in terms of the ongoing situation spacewise that is to say we thought Dan might be able to revise some of his testing ahm, testing procedures for the parents of some of our, some of the first graders themselves that is to say whose parents seem to feel quite strongly about the elimination of ahm, finding a place for them among our little second graders that is to…