William Gaddis - J R

— Jack listen get up off the floor, this lawyer’s on his way and I want to get…

— No wait, wait, can’t miss this wait, Bloody Mary Volleyball Game at ten thirty a m, free bloody marys to all players. Golf tournament at the beautiful Wianno course, Tom must be Grynszpan’s twenty-fifth reunion. Registration at Kirkland House, a mixed bag of old friends and classmates you never, got to see he gets there Tom where the hell’s the other half of…

— Bast look will you help me clean this up before he…

— To extend these timber-cutting operations to adjoining federal lands in conformance with the Multiple Use-Sustained Yield Act of nineteen sixty stretching the working circle concept as far as is legally, that’s not it where the hell…

— Mister Gibbs I, some of this mail may be…

— Morning symposium, opportunity to heckle allegedly distinguished classmates here it is, the traditional parade to Soldiers Field at two p m, costumes for all damn it Tom got to get him there…

— Wait listen what… what’s that noise.

— It’s, it’s just the tub Mister…

— Bosom where bright waters meet Tom, confluence of the mighty Mongahela and Mister Bast and I were just discussing what the hell conflues with the Mon, Monongahela form the mighty Ohio at Pittsburgh’s bosom where…

— It’s just the tub Mister Eigen, I…

— God damned clever if you ask me, couldn’t shut off the sink so he turned on the tub to distribute all this God damned entropy a little better, hand me that bottle will you Bast?

— And Mister Gibbs I meant to say, I meant to say Mister Eigen since I’m using this place and Mister Grynszpan only seems to get his mail here maybe I could pay the rent and…

— How’s that Tom ideal tenant, saves paper bags and keeps all this God damned entropy in balance… he tipped the bottle over the cup, — provides an electric letter opener and offers to pay the rent, what’s the rent…

— Sixty-one something, it went up, sixty-one forty, is that the only cup?

— God damned thoughtless of me, here. Now what was I looking for top half of…

— Mister Gibbs I think some of that mail is…

— Here. Now get up Jack, I want to get next door and look over Schramm’s things before…

— Tom no God damned hurry pull up Thomas Register and sit down… he reached up for the emptied cup, tipped the bottle, — who the hell’s taking a rapid reading course…

— Mister Gibbs I think some of that mail’s mine, I…

— Bast taking a rapid reading course Bast? What…

— Yes well, no not exactly, I mean it’s something I…

— Most Reading Dynamics graduates can read between fifteen hundred and three thousand words per minute Bast got to hear it, Tom quick get him a book…

— Jack listen I’m going next door, when the lawyer gets here I’ll call you and…

— Still have to find Raindance and Mister Fred God damn it got all afternoon, we’re Schramm’s executors know that Bast? Named us joint executors handing out millions, even threw in little something for the kids…

— Yes I, I think someone’s at the door now…

— Be right there Tom… he picked up the cup carefully, — got to understand the shape he’s in Bast, just came back from Germany found his wife walked out, most cases that’s a God damned blessing but this one it’s all nine God damned beatitudes except she took the boy, understand the shape he’s in Bast she took the boy…

— I’m sorry to, wait you’re stepping…

— What? looks like a share of, got half a share of U S Steel here Bast where the hell’s the bottom half…

— No that’s all right Mister Gibbs I’ll pick all that up, just…

— Have to find a book… he had a knee on 24–7 Oz Pkgs Flavored Loops up digging into 2-Ply Facial Tissue Yellow — how the hell’d she get up there what’s her, Irma? girl of Schramm’s?

— It’s, I think it’s Rhoda I just put that up there to, be careful!

— Rhoda, Rhoda with the burning bush ought to get one Bast… he caught a book in the abrupt cascade, — Traité de mécanique, God damned French not fair wait… he was down flapping pages, — Bess the landlord’s daughter, plaiting a dark red loveknot into her long black hair try that.

— Yes I, I just wondered Mister Gibbs have you seen Mrs Joubert?

— Unbelievable Bast, black cascade of perfume came tumbling over his breast unbelievable wait, here’s one nice short one…

— But she, did she come with you up to the back apar…

— Twelve, thirteen fourteen…

— Jack? He’s here, will you come out and…

— Twenty-three, four, bring him in seven, eight, thirty-one…

— He’s waiting for us, damn it Jack will you…

— Nine, sixty, sixty-one…

— Mister Gibbs I think Mister Eig…

— Bring him in Tom, count deep-brow’d one word? Eighty-eight, — nine…

— Jack get up damn it, he’s out there waiting for us.

— Hundred twelve words On First Looking into Chapman’s Homer, three thousand a minute ought to make it in two point o two seconds ready? Muchhaveltravelldin…

— Jack!

— God damn it I’m coming… he got past 200 2-Ply, — just thought he’d like to hear…

— Mister Beamish, this is Mister Gibbs the other executor, I’m afraid he…

— Glad you got here Mister Beamish settle a dispute, call that arbitrage Tom, buy low sell high…

— Jack just wait there till I get in and get the light…

— Mister Beamish is an attorney Tom, settle this dispute about the confluence of Mister Beamish what’s the confluence of the Mongahela and what form the mighty Ohio in whose bosom, sorry I spill that on you?

— Jack this door’s already open, it’s not locked what…

— Got one question at a time, got Mister Beamish catching them faster than he can string them…

— Yes I, I believe it’s the Allegheny Mister Gibbs but I’m not absolutely…

— Allegheny Tom hear that?

— Right in here Mister Beamish it’s, I’m afraid it’s not exactly what you…

— No that’s quite all right…

— Don’t need to apologize Tom he’s not moving in, not moving in are you Beamish? Ceiling’s ready to come down.

— Oh no, no I…

— Sit down Mister Beamish, nice bed over there sit down watch the ceiling.

— Well thank you I don’t think I, I don’t think this will take very long, there doesn’t seem to be anything here of ah, of any great value and I don’t think we…

— Good let’s get started, Mister Beamish as the kindly Schramm family lawyer how do we price this shoe? May even be another one somewhere…

— Jack damn it get up off the floor, you’re the one who insisted Mister Beamish meet us here instead of his office what in hell are you trying to do.

— Trying to help the kindly fam schrammly lawyer evaluate the God damned estate, legal obligation as executors right Mister Beamish? Get a little percentage too right Beamish?

— Well yes Mister Gibbs but ah, I don’t think we need include such personal effects as ah, shoes, and I…

— Looks like a damned fine shoe to me sir, late King George V, Bootmakers, Peal and Company Limited can’t get the damned thing on though…

— And I should add Mister Gibbs I’m not really the Schramm family’s lawyer. I have handled occasional personal matters for them but my work is generally confined to the company and since the bulk of the ah, of your friend Mister Schramm’s estate appears to consist of his holdings in Triangle Products we face the problem of…

— Problem is Beamish… he was getting to his feet again, — problem isn’t anything here of any great value…

— Jack never mind it look, just sit down again and…