William Gaddis - J R

— Man like all I want is to get in over there and get my stuff okay?

— Well, well yes okay and, goodbye then… he hesitated, and then the door came into place behind him, shuddered once or twice and was still, leaving only the rush of water at her feet. She spread her elbows up to the tub’s sides and came back slowly to rest against its slope, one foot then the other rising prehensile at the opposite end as the water slowly climbed pink to hollyhock, closed over deep magenta at the tips and mounted to her armpits before her feet came down and she forward to reach the tap. Her knuckles went white. Her other hand came up, did the same, and she held there long enough to whisper — oh wow… before she grabbed the sides and stood over the rush of water at her knees in a pose broken only by a sharp knock on the door.

— Come in, is that you? Like quick…!

— Telephone company…

— I said come in will you!

— Telepho…

— And like watch the door but quick…! The door shuddered open, came to abrupt rest at an angle — man like quick, turn this thing off or we’ll drownd… He was there in the step it took, no strain discoloring the rich dark of his hand as he reached the tap and broke it off. — Oh wow…

— Wow.

— Well like do something quick man or we’ll…

— Maybe first just pull out the plug… his arm plunged past her knees, she reached the shirt and stood there holding it pendant, watching the water slowly reveal her calves. — Going out faster than it’s coming in, no problem just leave it run.

— I mean that was close man, like where’d you come from.

— Telephone company, I…

— Are you kidding? Like I mean there’s no telephone here so don’t give me…

— No I came to install one if, this is, Bast? I mean are, you’re the lady of the house?

— Like what do I look like the fucking butler? She started to dry a shoulder with the shirt, and stopped. — Look man if you came to install a telephone install a telephone.

— If you just ah, he looked around, — just tell me where you’d…

— Come off it man, I mean like you’re this telephone man okay? Like how am I supposed to know where you install a telephone, I mean just install it like they taught you how to install a telephone in telephone man school okay? And she got a foot up on the side of the tub to dry a knee as he turned to hurry a box through the door and knelt beside the film cans opposite her to tear it open. — Man like wait a minute, she paused on a dry knee, — I mean like that’s supposed to be a telephone?

— Call that a picturephone… he raised his eyes slightly to her face.

— Are you kidding? She got the other knee up.

— Talk to somebody you see their face right there… and he stood as though seeking a vantage point. — Somebody walking the walls here, must have been some great grass.

— Like man there’s nothing here but like Chesterfields, I mean like I have this stash next door but I can’t get in there.

— Why not.

— Like I don’t have the key man.

— Old place like this what do you need a key? He picked up a coathanger.

— Oh wow… she stood, reached down her shirt from the dishcloth rack — like I mean could you get in there and get it for me? Wait, like right in past those boxes throw me these shoes, they’re these moccasins like, she said getting into the shirt, buttoning it — I mean like I don’t want to get my feet black again you know? And she stood away from the tumbling water to put them on, stepped out and closed the tops of the tub. — Like go get it man, I mean I don’t want to go in there.

— But you have to show me where…

— Man like I just said I don’t want to go in there okay? I mean there’s like this big bed you just reach way in under the mattress and I’m not going in there okay? And like knock, I mean there was this chick in there last night balling somebody you know…? And she turned back past the sink to step carefully up the Morning Telegraphs to Appletons’ and blow off Vol III GRIN-LOC before getting to her knees on it motionless there peering under the shade till where she looked nothing moved, and she came down to fit the door closed behind him with — I mean like now I don’t have any papers man.

He followed her through opening a shirt pocket, settled high on Moody’s Industrials tapping the envelope over a paper. — Looks real good.

— Man I mean like the best, like I mean from Guatemala man I got it from… listen! She stood, grabbed up her raincoat — I mean no way, she said getting to the door. — What do you want?

— Is, is Mister… Mister Bast in? The door came open no wider than the dim hall showed of the gap in her raincoat. — I just stopped to see if he’d like to go to a Bible breakfast but…

— Oh wow.

— No no I have a business lunch appointment with him but I, I thought I’d stop by early to see if he wanted…

— Like go to a what, man?

— It’s a, a businessmen’s Bible breakfast but…

— Oh wow.

— Yes but I must have the, have the wrong… he took a step back from the smile suddenly looming behind her — wrong Mister Bast yes I, I must have the wrong address yes…

— I mean like you must man.

— Sorry to, to disturb you… he backed into the rail in the hall gone abruptly dark with the door closed in his face, trampling the latest issue of Industrial Marketing overlooked in the morning’s haul and still there when Bast, climbing from dark to dark, trampled and picked it up before groping for the knob and lifting the door on its hinge.

— Hello? Rhoda? are you… he stood there and sniffed, listened, felt his way past film cans, Mazola New Improved, 36 Boxes 200 2-Ply to the punctured shade to turn on the light, stood there and sniffed again before he put down his case and Industrial Marketing on Hoppin’ With Flavor! and returned carrying a paper sack, listening, turning abruptly to lift a cover on the tub and look in, reach in, and then stand more slowly letting it close. He had dropped a bouillon cube in the cup and held that under the dwindled torrent at the sink, carried it in with pâté of anchovies, cocktail onions and Hostess Twinkies from the paper sack and arranged them on Moody’s Industrials, and was bent recovering the blanket gone in a tempestuous heap to the floor when the sound of a bell brought him upright like a spring. By the third ring he crested 12 2 lb 10 oz Round Pkgs QUICK QUAKER, by the fourth found the receiver and lifted it. — Hel, hello…? What in the… Yes but what in, what do you mean you had it installed here, what… What do you mean can I see you… yes there’s a little screen on it but… no listen if you’re calling from a candy store how would you expect it to… No wait a minute, just wait a minute I… no I said wait a minute! now there’s somebody at the door… and he tipped in that direction, a foot braced against 24–12 Oz Btls Fragile! — Rhoda…?

— Hello Mister?

— No, no go away…

— Hello Mister could I…

— Go away! Will you just, go away…! Now hello? No I don’t know, it’s just some old… No but listen how could you just have this thing put in here without even letting me… Yes I know I said I couldn’t go down to that cafeteria twice a day for messages but this… what? What noise… oh that’s, that’s just a hydrant they opened down in the street it’s… did what come…? Yes and so did somebody’s register of American manufacturers look even with a rapid reading course what do you… Yes that came too but… because I didn’t go to the free sample session, now… because I don’t want to learn how to sell myself and develop into a more poised confident forceful person that’s why! Look if you want to take a Dale Carnegie course go take it, I’m… Well that’s not the way I want to be helped out! and listen, what makes you think I’d want anybody to think I graduated from the Alabama College of Business what kind of a… why should it sound better than a conservationist school that’s not what I told you anyhow, I said I’d gone to a conservatory, a place where… what? I haven’t been through all the mail yet I don’t know how many stock certificates have come no but why you send away for Forest Industries and Supervisory Management if you think… all to impress who…? Yes yes all right but why a picturephone look, I’m glad you think the office must look pretty neat by now but that’s not… Because I don’t want a lot of visitors! there’s too much… Well why did you give Mooneyham the address in the first place, you knew I was meeting him for lunch and… naked? What did he say she… No he told me that too look he’s, he’s from out of town he must have got lost and gone to the wrong… Well if you’ve just called him at his hotel what do you want me to… All right look you didn’t tell me you were taking his company away from him! what would… All right but he doesn’t think you’re doing him this big favor, he’s been… I told him that and look, it’s subsidiary with an i, I said we wanted him to stay on and manage it as… Listen you can sit there in that candy store and say you’re bailing him out and the whole deal’s just something these here lawyers fixed up for taxes and all what do you think it’s like sitting across from Mooneyham in that awful cafeteria with tears running off his cheeks into his Spanish omelet, telling me how he went to a Bible breakfast seeking guidance and… Yes I told him that, I said we couldn’t just carry that loan of the brewery stock to X–L on our books with stockholders like Mrs Begg starting to… what? Yes well he, he said he’d had a drink after the Bible breakfast but… a drink or two yes but he… one on the way to the Bible breakfast too yes but when you’d said a thing to him like… all right wait a minute I’ve got what you wrote down right here, wait a minute… he braced an elbow on QUICK QUAKER to raise himself and probe a pocket — here, two hundred thousand cash from that loan to Eagle management, and then to pay him the rest in promissory notes over the next five years so it will be the same thing as coming from future earnings but… No but listen did you have to tell him we had him by the short hair on that stock loan and that big debt X–L is being pressed for by some paper company? What do you… that I told you lithography was this greasy what…? No but… listen I didn’t know all X–L did was print matchbook covers so how would… No but wait a minute, what’s exploring for virgin minerals got to do with it? Look I’ve told you this whole thing is… All right, for X–L to make the matchbook covers too but what’s exploring for… what trees… Yes you make paper from wood pulp but look, you can’t just go in and strip off all this lumber to make matchbook covers and say you’re really exploring for virgin minerals just because you got stuck with some old mining claims on those penny stock… and get tax write-offs for it too? Listen J R listen don’t try to explain it to me just… no but listen just talk to your friend Piscator with ideas like this because I don’t even… Oh he did, yes well I might have known he’d… No when I returned his call they said he’d gone to Jamaica but… I don’t know, something you told him to do about getting incorporated but… yes that’s what I told you yes and if you can’t just stop all this you and Piscator can go out there and play to win and just let me… No because wait a minute just listen, when I got down to that cafeteria today to meet Mooneyham Virginia had telephone messages for me from all kinds of… wait, just wait a minute there’s somebody at the door, just… look can you just wait a minute? He slid for the floor. — Yes is… Rhoda?