William Gaddis - J R

— This…? Onions danced down Forest Industries, — Pom, pom pom pom, sounds like an elephant running between the raindrops Bast…

— Oh not that, no… he came forward on Hoppin’ With Flavor! to reach under the sofa — that’s just something I’ve been working on for, for something, here’s the table I…

— Opera, must be your opera, sure as hell not Bizet only not Bizet problem Bast you don’t finish things, jump from one thing to the other don’t finish anything.

— No I did finish that, in fact I just came from that nightclub rehearsal where they, after all that copying I did that accordionist didn’t even look at his part, he just said he always played off the first violin’s and then all he played was oompah oompah writhing around and grinning at the empty tables and they still haven’t paid me, they…

— Bast that reminds me, family matter… the cup came up, emptied, the bottle followed, — company Stella’s father had…

— Stella?

— Stella, Bast. Stella Bast, what is she’s your cousin? Your father James was her father’s brother so…

— But how would… how would you know Stella?

— Worked for her father once, little company he had Bast what the hell is happening to that little company he had.

— Oh that I, I don’t know. He just died and we were never, he and my father were never on good terms so I… I don’t know but, but did you know Stella very well?

— Knew Stella very well Bast… and the cup came up and went down half emptied as he got to his feet again waving a paper, — problem here you’re working with a base of ten instead twelve, got twelve hours in the day problem is the God damned clock never is right.

— Yes I, what happened was I plugged it in and set it at six o’clock and then the electricity went off for four hours but, but I mean have you seen her? Stella I mean?

— Bast got to be God damned careful… he nipped the cocktail onion from the pencil point, — look set the God damned thing right at noon then it has to be right twice a day, pass itself at midnight again going backwards at noon all the rest of the time you’ve got a nice base twelve, six and six, eight and four, five fifteen it’s quarter of seven got to find Raindance and Mister Fred… and he got through past Mazola New Improved, — never heard of them did you Bast know why? Holding them back, last time they ran they took the field and then they’re gone, dropped out of sight, been holding them back till everybody forgets them and then bring them in at long odds God damn it both running tomorrow one in the first one in the second where the hell’s the light in here…

— Oh the, the bulb burned out yes I…

— Can’t see a God damned… a match flared, — you saving paper bags Bast?

— Oh, yes no those were…

— Need any more there’s plenty in the tub, Bast? Package here for you.

— Oh that’s just, yes never mind it it’s just…

— Better open it might be food… he came wielding it in collision with 36 Boxes 2-Ply, — more cocktail onions, too God damned heavy for Hostess Twinkies… and the carton sundered on the floor. — What the hell is it.

— It’s ah, it might be an electric letter opener, it…

— Bast God damned stroke of genius Bast, one thing we need here where’d I put that cup… he brought it up and finished it, — looked like some mail in there under the tub.

— Yes that’s, that’s just today’s I haven’t sorted it yet, sorted out Mister Grynszpan’s I mean oh and Mister Gibbs I meant to tell you. A man came to the door a day or two ago and said he was from the Treasury Department looking for Mister Grynszpan, he…

— Treasury agent Bast, got to be God damned careful… he reappeared trailing envelopes, — say what it was?

— He said race track winnings yes and, yes he wasn’t very nice about it he thought I was Mister Grynszpan and he wasn’t nice about it at all, I thought he was going to take me with him. If he comes again what do you think I should…

— Problem better call Grynszpan’s lawyer… and envelopes cascaded to the floor as he got a perch on some film cans and dug in the carton, — want to just plug this in over there…

— Yes I’d, but I’d better sort out Mister…

— Open yours too Bast glad to do it, here just plug this in under there and…

— Maybe you should take it out of the box first, it…

— Always have an answer don’t you Bast, must just put them in this end and… Jesus!

— Maybe there are some directions with it that…

— Working fine, working fine just so God damned fast shoots them into the kitchen though…

— Wait, wait there’s someone at the door I’d better…

— Must be, Eigen? Tom? that you?

The door came open upright. — Jack…?

— Tom come in stand right there will you? No little closer, stop these when they…

— Christ Jack what… look out!

— Just opening the mail, Mister Bast here got us a…

— Stop, stop it look it’s slicing most of it in half…

— Must be some God damned little adjustment here…

— Bast pull the plug will you? before he loses a finger? Damn it Jack look at this mess, what do you…

— Just have to match them up God damn it what do you think technology is for, have to open them all by hand? Just match bottoms to tops, here, anybody got a top half from the Internal Revenue Service? Tell you one thing from the bottom half here somebody’s in one hell of a mess…

— Jack listen this lawyer’s going to be here any…

— Enclosed, your sample Value Line report on A T and…

— Oh that might be something of, of mine I…

— The case for a bull market in, somebody getting into pork bellies?

— Well that, that might be…

— Know somebody named Pomerance Bast? Bottom half of somebody named Pomerance…

— Jack damn it listen…

— No wait wait something came through in one piece here look, came for Grynszpan called Taxing and Giving better look into it Tom listen. In no case does your gift to the Harvard Fund cost you as much as its real value listening? Gifts of Securities listen. We welcome and encourage gifts of securities that have risen in value how’s that. God damned white of them isn’t it, had a wife welcomes gifts of securities risen in value God damned white of her she…

— Damn it Jack…

— No wait look got a little table here tells you how it works look, income’s fifty thousand net cost to Grynszpan per hundred dollar gift’s forty-one dollars, fifty-nine percent of gift borne by government God damned white of them look. Get his income up to a hundred thousand gift costs him twenty-eight dollars a hundred, seventy-two percent borne by the taxpayers God damned white of them, black meter reader down there poking past ashcans made it all the way through ninth grade gets to use a real flashlight wear a uniform read electric meters all day pays two thousand a year withholding gets to help buy lacrosse rackets for Harvard God damned white of him what’s this…

— Mister Gibbs that might…

— Executive’s Complete Portfolio of Letters look, letters you might have to struggle over for just the right phrase completely written for you guarantee save you hours of work, no more struggling over the right way to phrase letters to Christ glad we got this aren’t you Tom? Have to write to Mister where the hell’s the bottom half of this, as a newcomer to the textile trades it gives us great pleasure to invite you to serve on this panel. Your topic will be Import Quotas and the Case for American, know Grynszpan was a newcomer to the textile trades Tom?

— Mister Gibbs I, some of that mail may be…

— That the validity of these claims has been subjected to repeated litigation, to proceed with caution in this direction. Top half of the U S Bureau of Mines there anywhere?