William Gaddis - Carpenter's Gothic

— Who was it, what…

— You find my cigarettes?

— No, no I told I…

— Look in my jacket in there? would you? just look in my jacket?

She came back emptyhanded. — They're not…

— God damn cup… it shook, and he steadied his hand without spilling it, putting it down again — got a chip in it, right on the rim where you drink look, if you get a call. If you get a, if you get a call from this, from this what's his name you just wrote it down didn't you? Call from Washington, this…

— Mister Slotko.

— Call from Washington this Mister Slotko, just let me finish will you? Look in the mail, big time law firm probably turn it into a ten page letter ten dollars a word all you want's yes or no, picking up this option all you want's a yes or no supposed to call this afternoon, if he…

— I won't be here Paul. I have a doctor's appointment.

— Doctor, God damn it Liz I mean look… he swept the bills into a wet heap, — doctor, doctor doctor add these up you could buy your own God damn doctor, medical insurance looks the other way if you're not in the hospital couldn't you just go to one? Spend a week in one get things all straightened out?

— I wish I could.

— Get one doctor sends you to another doctor, split their fees and send you to…

— This is the airline insurance company's doctor, Paul. This is the examination you've been telling me to…

— All right go, go, he runs into any problems tell him to call me, headaches, dizziness nausea I can fill him in what time is it, thought you just set the clock.

— Will you just leave me the money for Madame Socrate before you forget it?

— All right! He was up digging deep in a pocket, — always getting in one step ahead of me… carefully peeling off a ten, another, fives — just try and learn some patience…

— And a dollar for her carfare?

— Here! God damn nickel and diming you call fifty one dollars small change like your God damn brother, he gives me seventy five dollars for a hundred dollar check should have told her to stop payment on it.

— Shall I suggest that when she calls?

He stopped half through the door. — When who calls.

— Tearful Mom. Or do you plan to see her later yourself.

— See? Same God damn thing don't drag that up again, he came back bunching jacket and tie, rummaging the pockets — think I gave her this phone number? Probably got it from Bobbie Joe before we sent her off to the fat farm shaped her up for Ude's big crusade, up there on nationwide television she's bringing in donations faster than they can count them already thinks she's a movie star don't drag that up again… jamming papers together on the table, rescuing one from the floor — God damn near forgot this… brandishing the page of scribbles, — Liz?

— I'm right here.

— I know you're right here! What do you think I, look. Notes I made I thought maybe you'll help us out on this mailing piece, got nothing to do here this afternoon just sit down and run it off? Started it myself but it just doesn't have that woman's touch yet, leave you these notes you can work something up all we want's a simple, honest letter Sally Joe Ude's writing to all these Chris…

— Who's Sally Joe, his wife?

— Hasn't got a wife Liz, she ran off with a feed salesman last year this Sally Joe she's his mother, she…

— Well can't she write it? Is she so old she can't write?

— Didn't say she was old Liz she's hardly in her forties, now…

— But how can she be his…

— Because she was fourteen when she got married, way they do things down there now will you stop interrupting? She's just not too God damn great with the written word, now…

— I shouldn't have asked.

— Right. Now what we want, just take a minute to run through it with you here opens with dear friend in Christ, Jesus, Christian mother she says I'm writing to you personally because I'm real worried about my son Elton, don't you get too literary like saying I'm extremely concerned scare them right up the wall, just this honest sincere Chris…

— Paul, I don't think…

— Don't have to, right. Now she says she had a letter from this other dear Christian mother out there saying Elton looked sick on the television and is he all right, how the first thing any good Christian mother wants to do is take care of her son so that's why Sally Joe's writing this letter, to say she just can't keep quiet anymore about what's going on. Elton's not sick she says, reason he looks so God damn ragged on television is the persecution he's getting from these forces trying to stop him delivering God's word, all these lies in the liberal press take any God damn thing he says and twist it around like this great harvest in Mozambique? I show you that?

— No, but it hardly sounds…

— Talking about his Voice of Salvation radio and this great harvest they're reaping in Mozambique, press picks it up and says what harvest, it hasn't rained there in three years everybody starving, going blind, pellagra cholera they know God damn well he's not talking about a plate of beans, talking about harvesting souls for the Lord twist around whatever he says, smear stories like that his mission's running deficits of eighty thousand a day that's why Sally Joe's writing this personal letter. Wakes up there in bed at night that's what I mean Liz, this woman's touch, wakes up and hears poor Elton creeping around the prayer room seeking God two or three million dollars in debt now what she wants, what she wants, Liz?

— I think I can guess.

— Right, just a little prayerful gift maybe ten or twenty bucks help get this God damn money pressure off Elton out there trying to save the country or he may just crack up.

— Paul honestly, it's all…

— Just be patient Liz? think you can just be patient for a minute? Getting to the God damn point here what she's talking about it's America, pray for America pray for Brother Ude all the same God damn thing, send in your prayerful tax deductible gift because if Elton cracks up that's accomplishing Satan's purpose whole God damn country go down the drain. Last chance that's what he's talking about, how deep this country's sunk in sin's why God's chosen Elton to broadcast this last warning's what these forces are trying to wipe out here, don't pull up our socks and bring in the Holy Spirit God damn fast the whole future of our great nation may depend on Elton's not cracking up, just pray for him send along this little gift and the Lord will use it to stop these satanic forces trying to see what she's saying Liz?

— It's a very nice letter, Paul. Maybe if you take out the…

— Nice? you think so?

— The letter from the dear Christian mother asking about Elton's health yes, it's a very nice touch. You might want to take out the God damns but otherwise it's quite, after all you say you're getting an advance on writing a book and this should be good prac…

— Didn't say I'm writing a book by a woman did I? He pulled the tie under his collar, joined it for the knot — still doesn't quite have that kind of warm sincere woman's touch though look, look Liz. Told me once you'd started a novel didn't you? long time ago?

— That was a long time ago.

— Write a novel you make up these different characters? put them in these situations getting rich, getting divorced, getting laid where they're talking to each other you pretend you're these characters so they sound real? Same God damn thing Liz, sit down for ten minutes pretend you're this good loving Christian mother Sally Joe writing a nice letter to…

— Paul honestly! I, no, no why don't you get Doris Chin she, with her lone bluebonnet blowing on the flower strewn banks of the Pee…

— One God damn time I ask you to do something? can't support me can't back me up? He pulled the dark plaid knot tight at his throat, — can't sit down for ten minutes write a nice letter like any good Chris…