William Gaddis - Carpenter's Gothic

— Look I looked at the clock Liz it says five twenty three, you think it's five twenty three in the morning? Electricity must have gone off last night… and his sudden turn in the chair twisted the livid scar coursing up from the drab plaid of his shorts, set sculptural muscles bolting through his shoulders, down his arm for so simple a thing as snapping on the radio which promptly invited him, invited them both in fact, to deposit money in the Emigrant Savings Bank. — Got her under so much sedation she doesn't know what's going on anyhow… he was tapping a pencil on the pile of bills in front of him, — so what harm was there. I told you Ude was out there on a speaking tour didn't I? Had a divine call to go in and pray for her happened to be the same day her father showed up from Washington, whole thing just a coincidence it said that right there in the paper didn't it? Ude gets his message of faith and prayer in papers all over the God damn country, says divine providence brought them together in the shadow of the valley of look, just because you don't believe in faith and…

— Oh stop it Paul stop it! Honestly.

— What. Honestly what.

— Don't believe in faith and…

— What I just said isn't it? Problem look, problem Liz you don't try and see the big picture he came on scattering bills, envelopes, mailing pieces in thrilling colour, flushing the blank side of a letter opening Dear Friend of the Bowhead Whale — look. He had a blunt pencil, — here's Teakell… and a smudged circle appeared and shot forth an arrow. — Got his own constituency here… a blob took roughly kidney shape, — Senate committees and the big voice for Administration policy up here… something vaguely phallic, — and his whole big third world Food for Africa program over here… and an arrow shot to distant coastlines shaped up abruptly in a deformed footprint. — Now here's Ude… a cross this time, releasing an arrow — same God damn constituency… and it penetrated the blob — but look. He gets his whole satellite television operation in operation… and the cross, gone abruptly from Latin to Calvary with steps added for emphasis, radiated jagged streaks, the blob erupted — he's all over the God damn country, constituency goes from way up here to all his blacks down here… a smudge unconnected to anything, — you think they can't mark their X on a ballot? think Teakell plans to spend his life in the Senate? Taking his big stand in this third world confrontation going over there right now on a fact finding tour and here's Ude's missions right on the spot… and an arrow leaped from the true cross to strike the distant coastline, spewing aggressive miniatures into the deformity that rose to accommodate them in splayfoot proportions when the phone rang. — Hello? who, God damn it wait… he rescued the page — get a paper towel… but she'd already torn off a length, setting his cup upright where the phone's cord had caught it, sopping up coffee from the scattered bills, notes, invitations to send off for 20-Pc. Bath Towel Sets with Free Digital Quartz Watch, to buy books, buy wrench sets, save seals, sell dinnerware, borrow money, booklets threatening tribulation, apocalypse, inviting eternity in florid colour — hey there, Bobbie Joe? Just going to call you. Just finishing up a breakfast meeting here with my staff, thought I'd fill you in on the big picture. Now what we… not the movie no, not talking about the movie yet I'm talking about mapping out our media strategy for the next big push got a pencil handy…? Better not try that no, little too complicated you better get a pencil I'll hold on, Liz can you clean up this God damn mess? These right here, these brochures got to take them with me… he thrust forth Tribulation, the Christian Battle Map, Guide to Eternity, Harvest Time for — get me some more coffee? seen my cigarettes?

— I'll have to make it, there's not…

— Thinks I'm calling him about a movie, big movie they want to make call it The Wayne Fickert Story get the kid's mother in there as the, hello? got the pencil? Good, now here's the big picture, we… not the movie I just told you not the movie look, talking about keying our overall media strategy to your daddy's next big appearance. Got him on the front page we want to keep him on the front page, that's the whole… I said his next big appearance, crusade out there just kicked things off we've got California wrapped up, taped, broadcast, headlights purple ribbons the whole package, what he… what…? No well that's just what I'm saying Bobbie Joe now just listen here. What your daddy wants now, he wants a platform that's going to give his image real dignity, He wants… well I know he has but we want to show them a real serious issue he can sink his teeth into, that's… the what…? No wait, that's… Look that's not what I… No now look here Bobbie Joe, I know they's eight hundred million Catholics out there he considers a field ripe for harvest but let's not jump the God, jump the gun here. I'm talking about education, school education. Now here's this big southwest regional educators' conference where they've got him up there giving the keynote address? You've got prominent educators coming in from all over Texas, Kansas, Mississippi, Oklahoma Arkansas the whole backbone of American education? Now what we… no wait a minute, don't want to get into that no, break a few school bus windows that's not what I'm talking about, look. He's just announced he's founding the Wayne Fickert Bible College now that's the… call it the what? When did he promise you that, he… No but that's way back when you were just a little old boy, he goes and changes it now to the Bobbie Joe Ude Bible College you'll have these media people in there twisting things around now what he's talking about up there, he's talking about these high education standards. That's what he's got Wayne Fickert Bible College dedicated to. Now he takes that real good idea of yours where the men students will all wear jackets and ties? Starts right off there talking about these high academic standards and the… what? That's a, c, a, d e m i c you got that? What…? Well go find a piece of paper then I'll hold on, Liz? Can you stop all this messing here and go get me a shirt?

— Do you want the…

— Just a shirt any God damn shirt, stand here freezing to death while he looks for a piece of paper, gets a pencil it doesn't occur to him he'll need something to hello? All set now…? Not every word no, just giving you a list of talking points for your daddy to go over for this speech here. First he's talking about this desperate need for academic excellence? how it's being threatened throughout the land by these same forces threatening the Constitution? that's the… what? That's capital c, o, n look Bobbie Joe, is your sister there…? She just wet her what? No, no I mean Betty Joe, your big sister Bet… locked up in the what? but who… Caught holding hands with a boy now that don't sound so… Oh. Oh, well now she's bound to meet a real nice white boy one of these days don't you fret, now you got a dictionary there anywhere…? Well I know it's a real big word but you'll just have to do the best you can till your daddy sends out for a die… Well he can't just not allow a dictionary in the house because it's got swear words in it, now let's get… all right, just do the best you can, hear? How the US Constitution protects religious freedom, that's the right to enforce prayers in the schools you got that? Next thing he talks about academic freedom. Now that's where they feel real strong, teaching these science courses where these same forces trying to destroy the Constitution are trying to stop them teaching science like they're trying to stop free speech, pushing his television show off the air, twisting the ratings lying with statistics the whole… of the what…? No well now I'd just go a little easy on that Satan the father of lies for right now Bobbie Joe. This audience of real good Americans they already know that, he wants to talk to them more about how these liberal media people are trying to squeeze him so he can't get up there and preach against sin, can't support his Africa missions, trying to keep his Bible College from sending out these fine well educated Christian men and women for… to where…? I know that Bobbie Joe but we're not talking about Jaypan now, a great harvest field that's been long neglected I know he's got a real heavy anointing to get in there and save them but this audience isn't coming to hear about Jaypan, hundred million of them all bunched up in those little islands they've got enough Buddhism and Shintoism to keep them busy besides, they don't vote he can harvest them later, let's just take one continent at a time here. Now Christianity's an American religion, that's what he's talking about isn't it? the only bulwark there is against the spread of the evil empire? That's what he's… well now wait, I'd go easy on the… Well now look, I think this audience is pretty well harvested already or they wouldn't be sitting there, they come out of the hall and he has you outside there selling the Little Wayne lapel pin, the t shirts with the smartly designed Little Wayne logo and your record albums Pearly Gates singing Elton Ude's Christmas Favorites you're going to get the liberal media twisting the whole God, whole thing into a carni… Who, Pearly Gates? What kind of a parade… Well your daddy he can just bring that in talking about the constitutional right to bear arms but I'd just go real easy on this Bobbie Joe. See I know your daddy's got Pearly Gates all fired up about how angry Satan is over all the souls you all have rescued but this audience now, they're all educators. Now that means you've got a nice white audience out there they might just not take to it, he better just stay with the singing hold on a minute… cupping the phone against his groin, — this the only shirt you could find?