William Gaddis - A Folic Of His Own

— Well why didn't you! What trap, what do you…

— You know damn well Christina, because I've been up to my eyes there, I haven't seen the judge's opinion it just came down, that's all I know.

— Can't you call your friend Sam and find out what in God's name is going on? if they plan to appeal? Oscar can't reach him, he can't reach Mister Basic they don't return his calls, will you? call him now so we can tell Oscar what they…

— In the first place Christina, you don't just walk in and file an appeal because you don't like the verdict, have to sit down and study the opinion to see if there's grounds to appeal on. It takes time, and money. Time and more money, what if they do dig up grounds for an appeal, there were grounds for the suit in the first place weren't there? and he lost? See him lose on appeal and you'll have to pick up the pieces. Just put it behind him, swallow hard and cut his losses, drop the whole thing. Now wait, wait, before you call him again…

— I'm not calling him Harry I'm, hello? Yes, this is Mrs Lutz, will you bring our car around? The, no the dark green Jaguar, can you have it at the door in about ten minutes? I think I'd better go out there Harry, the sooner the better, any minute now he'll see that story in the paper and call in a frenzy, you can just tell him I'm on my way and if you want to be useful will you call them? Sam or Mister Basic or anybody, tell them to call him out there. They told him he could win on an appeal and that's the first thing he'll ask.

— They, who. Who told him, Christina. Wait…

— Basic, Mister Basic did, I've got to hurry. The last time we saw him, is there gas in the car?

— But wait, that's not what you, Oscar must have misunderstood him that's not the way you…

— I was there Harry! Lose the decision we'll take them on appeal Basic said. Now will you call them while I dress?

— But that's not, you go in to win you don't plan to lose so you can win on appeal look, there's something I've got to talk to you about before you…

— We went all over that with him Harry, that's what I, my God there he is now, he's seen the paper will you answer it? just tell him I've left?

— But wait, there's something I, hello? Who? No you've got a wrong number, it's… I said the wrong number! He banged it down, — it'll ring again, one of those insistent idiots who gets a wrong number and sits right down and dials it again look, I, before you go something I have to talk to you about before you…

— Well come with me then! You don't have to go in today do you?

— Have to be in court first thing in the morning but…

— Well get on some clothes, you can tell me in the car, now…

— There, didn't I tell you? He grabbed up the phone, — I told you you had the wrong, what? Oh, Oscar? Yes… yes I know it, we… yes we've seen it, we… but… yes but… Oscar? Look, we're coming out, we… out there yes, we're leaving right now, we… when we get there, go over the whole thing when we… Yes I know it said Oswald, but don't… Right now no, she can't come to the phone she's dressing, she… I said she's getting dressed Oscar…

— Oscar?

— Tell her to hurry!

— Oscar?

— And don't talk to me when I'm on the phone! Here, hang it up.

— I just wanted to say do you want to eat?

— To eat what!

— Eggs? you want me to make eggs?

— You can't make eggs.

— I can so. I can make them boiled, or scrambled, or…

— Listen Lily you can't make eggs. Chickens make eggs, ducks make eggs, those swans on the pond out there make eggs but you don't make eggs. You cook eggs, you prepare eggs. You don't make eggs.

— Oh Oscar. You always make everything so complicated, all I meant was…

— Isn't that what language is for? to say what you mean? That's why man invented language, isn't it? so we can say what we mean?

— What man. Anyway I'm not talking about language I'm talking about eggs, you knew what I meant. Do you want me to prepare you some eggs?

— No.

— I thought that's why you wanted me to come over because you were alone, to help you out. Who was that old man.

— Who was what old man.

— This old man walking around the room when I drove in before.

— There was no old man walking around the…

— I saw him through the windows Oscar, just for a second when I looked up, he was sort of stooped and slow right here walking across the room, by the time I got out of the car and came in he was gone.

— Oh. Oh. That, oh yes I forgot I, must have been old Mister, Mister Boatwright yes he's the, he's our plumber he's quite old yes, been with the house as long as I can remember.

— You better get a new one pretty soon, he didn't look like he could hardly make it across the room.

— Well he's, an old house like this he knows every pipe in the house he's replaced most of them, get some new young plumber in here it would take him a year to figure things out and have to start all over again.

— I think you better start all over again pretty soon before the whole place falls down like that porch out there.

— They'll be after it next, a wealthy recluse living on a family estate on Long Island when they see that! He had the torn page of newsprint he'd held crushed in his hand up trying to smooth it against a quivering knee, — Oswald! His son Oswald who wrote the original script for the spectacularly successful no wonder he's furious, that fool law clerk of his takes him to see this vulgar misleading twisted deformed perverted distortion of my, exploiting my grandfather, exploiting his father exploiting the family exploiting the whole Civil War and he thinks I wrote what he's seeing up there on the screen where is it, this madness in the, here, as an article of impeachment the possibility of a strain of madness running in the Judge's family which has gained credence with the, credence! No wonder he's furious, just the word, impeachment just the word. Impeachment! Madness, all right but a man whose whole life is the law, who's lived and breathed the law for his whole, for almost a century a century! It would kill him they, look at them look at it! He spread up the flaming effigy IMPEACH frozen there in print before the flames caught it — as an article of impeachment the strain of…

— You just read me that, you've read me all of it ten times Oscar it's all just…

— What! all just what!

— Just, Oswald? You want me to call you Oswald?

— If I, Lily if I could reach you to hit you I'd…

— It's the same thing! but she stepped away nonetheless, — this wealthy excuse living on this big fancy estate they got everything wrong didn't they? this Oswald that wrote this big movie is that you? where he just lost this big lawsuit that's not you is it? so they pretend they know everything because nobody knows anything?

— Basic knows, this lawyer Mister Basic he must know but there's something wrong somewhere. I can't get him on the phone they don't call me back I know it, I know there's something terribly wrong I've known it since the, you remember that black actor? the one we saw on television who was in the movie when he talked about being in prison? that he learned to act when he was in prison and…

— The telephone, you…

— Well answer it! If it's this collection agency tell them…

— Hello? It's who?

— Say I went to California.

— It's The People Magazine.

— No. Tell them…

— Hello? He went to California… No he didn't leave a num…

— Just hang up! Listen, if it rings again if it's Basic let me have it, or these other lawyers the ones with my accident case I…

— They called already Oscar.

— When! Why didn't you…

— Just now, when you were in the bathroom. I forgot.