William Gaddis - A Folic Of His Own

And sure enough, there on the split page of the morning's paper flamed the black robed effigy of the craggy Federal judge who, like the sharp edges and jagged peaks of the controversial steel sculpture Cyclone Seven, had become a lightning rod for the passions of this once sleepy community, erupting last night in a virtual replay of an earlier melee which left seventy-two injured and extensive property damage in its wake. Among the dozen arrests that evening, that of Billy Pinks, thirty-two, an unemployed auto body worker charged with assault was later reduced to statutory rape on his plea that the 'provocative message on her T shirt got his juices going' and the admission by the twelve-year-old victim that she had deceitfully led him to believe she was fourteen. Mr Pinks was sentenced to thirty days probation and an apology to the victim identified only as Millie K, minor. The latest disturbance centered about an outdoor pork barbeque rally for U.S. Senator Orney Bilk, who is visiting the area on a campaign swing for the first time since he left his boyhood home in nearby Stinking Creek to enlist in the army following the end of hostilities in Southeast Asia. After graduating from army cooking school he was placed in charge of a field oven unit at Fort Bragg, N.C. Senator Bilk's interest in politics was kindled by the conviction on bribery charges involving unorthodox liquor procurement of an uncle whose place he later filled in the state legislature.

Known for his strong stand on states' rights in Congress, Senator Bilk took vehement exception to a decision by Judge Crease reversing a verdict by a local jury as undue interference by the Federal judiciary and called for his impeachment. Talking with the press later in the evening when the bourbon had been flowing freely, the Senator cited as an article of impeachment the possibility of a strain of madness running in the Judge's family, an allegation which has gained credence with the Civil War spectacle The Blood in the Red White and Blue, which is said to be based on the life of his father who later served as associate justice on the U.S. Supreme Court with Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes until his death at the age of ninety-seven. Through his law clerk Judge Crease dismissed the charges as 'foolish fabulation.' His son Oswald, a wealthy recluse living alone on a family estate on Long Island who wrote the original script for the spectacularly successful motion picture and, in an announcement made by the studio late yesterday has lost his multimillion dollar lawsuit against its producers, could not be reached for comment. Speaking on condition that he not be identified, Village official J Harret Ruth, who introduced Senator Bilk at the rally and who makes no secret of his own political ambitions, said my God. Harry?

— In the shower.

— In the paper, this perfectly asinine story about that circus going on down there in Father's courtroom, carrying him around in a flaming effigy, talk about madness in the family and all kinds of nonsense. Can they get away with that?

— What? He'd emerged in the folds of a towel. — With what.

— This story in the paper, they've got everything possible wrong. There are laws aren't there?

— Have to prove malice. Can't make laws against plain sloppiness can you? He'd commenced the towel in a vigorous rubdown, — against stupidity?

— Well my God, impeaching a Federal judge by saying his whole family's crazy? Isn't that malice?

— Have to prove it Christina, get into a case like that you end up like the tar baby, open up all kinds of cans of…

— And his son Oswald, a wealthy recluse who wrote the original script for The Blood in the Red White and I just hope to heaven Oscar doesn't see this he'll explode, that he's lost his million dollar lawsuit against them?

— It says that? The towel stopped, draped from a shoulder. — What does it say.

— That's what it says, in an announcement by the studio late yesterday that he's lost his multimillion dollar lawsuit against the producers right here, look.

— Well they, no, no it's true.

— What do you mean it's true! His son Oswald, they got everything else wrong didn't they? that he wrote the original script for the…

— No it's, it's true Christina, only thing they got right. Decision came down late yesterday, he lost.

— Well he, I mean you knew this? I mean my God Harry you knew this and haven't told me?

— I came in late last night and…

— Why didn't you tell me!

— I'm telling you! What should I have done, waked you up when I came in so we both could have had a sleepless night? Look…

— A sleepless night! and poor, we'll have plenty of those I'd better call him, poor Oscar God knows what he'll, does he know yet? Give me the phone, I…

— Now just wait, Christina. Wait! Look, there's no hurry. If he'd seen it, if he'd seen this thing in the paper he would have called. He'll call the instant he sees it won't he?

— I'd better go out there. And the money, he'll be frantic.

— I told him he could lose didn't I? right at the start? In a lawsuit somebody loses, I told him it would cost money didn't I? that he should have taken their settlement? We both told him he should have taken their…

— Well he didn't! If you knew he'd lose why did you, how did you know it, that he'd lost.

— I didn't say I knew he'd lose Christina, I said he could, that he could lose, you never know which way a judge will go, and this one, this woman? No track record at all, a real wild card one of the first cases she's tried no telling which way she'd go. I had to stop in at the office to get some notes transcribed when I got back last night and there's your friend Trish waltzing down the hall with Mudpye steering her toward the door, I think she'd had a few and out comes Bill Peyton. She was all over him, she…

— I'm not talking about her I'm talking about Oscar! And, and will you stop standing there dangling like that, will you…

— You don't usually mind do you? If you'll just…

— Well I do now! Will you…

— Will you listen? He got the towel around him, a foot up on the bed rubbing down his calf, — Peyton with his hand on Mudpye's shoulder congratulating him, he'd just heard the decision on Oscar's case patting Mudpye on the back and the insufferable little bastard preening like a damn bantam rooster and when I, who are you calling.

— And it's not just these thousands of dollars he owes your friend Sam and the mess he's in with these medical bills and that idiot lawyer Lily got for him suing himself for his, hello? Oscar? Yes how are you, I didn't wake you did I, are you… No I just thought I'd call, are you… Well take some aspirin then, it looks like a lovely day I thought I might come out if you… Nothing no, no of course if you don't want company I… No I just wondered, you haven't seen this morning's paper have you? It's… no nothing, a garbled story about… what? Oh… No, no but call me if anything… no, goodbye. Well. He hasn't seen the paper yet, he's got it drying out in the oven.

— Kind of puts me in a spot doesn't it, he'll probably blame me for the whole…

— Well my God Harry you are in a spot, you sent him to Lepidus, Shea & God knows who didn't you? up against your own fancy blue ribbon white shoe outfit? What did you expect.

— Where should I have sent him, some other white shoe Cravath? Davis Polk? string it out for another ten years like the case I'm on where the money really gets going? More depositions, more transcripts, pretrial conferences, coaching your expert witnesses at three or four hundred an hour and sorting out your trial strategy, accountants, overhead, talking about years and hundreds of thousands look, Christina. In the first place I didn't know that Kiester'd come to Swyne & Dour. Whole question of venue, a case like this you have to sue in the district where the defendant resides, for Kiester that's the Central District of California, if Oscar couldn't travel and it was just going to amount to taking a couple of depositions and an oral argument on one motion his lawyers could have flown in from California and taken care of it but Kiester got in under the studio's umbrella because they were named in Oscar's suit too and Swyne & Dour's their outside counsel in New York so that's where Basic served his summons and complaint and fell right into the trap Mudpye laid for him, what the little bastard was preening himself about there with Bill Peyton. I didn't know anything about it, I didn't even…