William Gaddis - A Folic Of His Own

— Well I am! Wouldn't you be? breaking off in a torrent of coughing, seizing the arm of the sofa where he came down unsteadily. — Where's my paper.

— The paper's right here, just relax. Some hot tea Lily, I'm sure this is cold by now anyway, and…

— Not today's paper, yesterday's! I had it in there, that ad for the movie who took it.

— Without milk Lily, and put a little whisky in it, it's right here somewhere Oscar I'm sure you've read it a thousand times and Lily? put a little in mine too will you?

— A magnificent soul searing epic here it is, they all ought to be shot. Did you see this? gasping, a hand pressed at his heaving chest — this whole revolting…

— Just try to be patient till this evening, I'm sure it will be far worse than you imagine. Harry's coming out later to cheer you up.

— The war torn saga of a man fleeing destiny for a woman's love, introducing the magnificent Nordic-Eurasian discovery Anga Frika in her first starring look at her! The war torn, why is he coming out here, has something happened?

— I'm sure he'll tell you when he gets here, now for the love of God stop torturing yourself and here, here's this morning's paper you can read about three teenagers slain in drug Shootout while we, no I'll get it sit still! and she was up holding the phone as grudgingly impatient as her tone, turn left, go straight, turn right through the gate, fourth drive on the left — some woman for your job as a secretary, you put an ad in the local paper?

— I told you didn't I? all this correspondence and bills and the phone…

— And you plan for her to pay your bills, how do you plan to pay her, you can talk on the phone yourself can't you?

— I need a secretary to talk to other people's secretaries! Right now I have to try to reach…

— With a voice like that you shouldn't try to reach anyone, you sound like a…

— Well there, you see? isn't that what I just said? the renewed splurge of coughing giving way to a wheeze that settled him back against the cushions glaring at the three teenagers slain in drug Shootout until a steaming cup rattling its saucer came down beside him and where were his glasses? rustling the pages past global strife from Londonderry to Chandigarh, raising his emptied cup with the mute appeal of the toothless Tibetan hoisting a begging bowl at him on page sixteen and on through the smug scoldings of the editorial redoubt to a hissing demand from the flurry of paper for — the business section? Christina?

— I heard you, what on earth do you want with the business section.

— Something here on tearing down a Broadway theatre to build a pizza palace, it says continued on page D sixteen that's the business section where is it.

— God only knows, they forgot to put it in. Do you want an omelette for lunch?

— I want the business section!

— Well I don't have it! Here, you can read your mail while I finish dressing, a brand new law firm entering your life. Will you ask Lily to fix you something when you're ready? and she fled for the stairs before he could tear the envelope open beyond reach of the howl of her name and a gagging sound almost like laughter still echoing when she came down.

— It's, look, look you won't believe it.

— I'm sure I will. Who are you suing now.

— No they're suing me! The O'Neill estate Christina, the estate of Eugene O'Neill they're suing me for infringing that old chestnut Mourning Becomes Electra, of all the…

— All the profits yes, I really don't want to hear about it. I'm sure they'll love the movie.

— No they're suing them too, they're suing all of us, they're…

— I said I don't want to hear about it! When Harry gets here you can share it with him, now where's Lily, we'll need to do some shopping. Have you had anything to eat? We need bread and, yes and whisky, we'll certainly need more scotch before all this is over, Lily? Will you bring in a blanket or something to put over him while we're out? do you hear me? And popcorn for this evening, it sounds like the kind of a movie you watch eating popcorn.

— Wait, Christina? he gasped out minutes later, pulling the quilt up under his chin — will you get me some ice cream? did you hear me? But whether she had or not, all he heard was that door up the hall clattering closed, fumbling among the cushions to snap the screen to life with Indians, cavalry, the sound of gunfire; white faces, dreadlocks, the sound of gunfire; bank guards, men in hats, the sound of gunfire; choppers, flaming hooches, snapping off the crash of gunfire as his eyes flickered closed and his mouth fell open hungering for breath which gradually subsided as his hand twitched and fell still as the shadows cast over him by the sun streaming in from a sudden break in the clouds out there, sudden as a shadow the shape of a man standing over him — No who are you!

— I'm fine Oscar. Wake you up?

— I, I, oh. Oh, Harry.

— Sound like you picked up a little cold someplace. Where is everybody.

— Who. Oh. They went out didn't they. Can you hand me those, that box of tissues there? and a cough brought him struggling upright, — an awful way to start the day.

— Well, can't be too surprised though can you? He'd put his case down by a chair and stood there peeling off his coat, — comes along sooner or later as it must to all men as they say, taking it pretty well though aren't you.

— A little hard to breathe yes, but it's mainly the cough, my throat feels like sandpaper.

— I meant your, you've talked to Christina?

— She's not much help. I asked her to get me some ice cream but I don't think she heard me.

— But she, oh, yes I see, yes you, you haven't seen the paper?

— This morning's? It's right there somewhere, tearing down the old Century theatre to build a pizza palace for the barbarians waiting at the gate listen Harry, I've got to talk to you before they get back and it all turns into a circus listen, this movie? you've seen that ad haven't you? this soul searing Civil War epic and their great Nordic-Eurasian discovery with her shirt open? Tonight, the gala television premiere they're showing it tonight how can they, you'll still be here?

— What I came out here to talk to you about Oscar, they…

— But how can they show it on television, the movie theatres can't show it with that injunction can they?

— That's what I came out to talk to you about, they…

— And this letter where is it, the Eugene O'Neill estate wants to sue me they're suing the studio Kiester all of us what did they do, wait for my profits to start rolling in and then show up with a lawsuit? that's laches isn't it? didn't you tell me about laches?

— Look Oscar, part of what I came out here to talk to you about, just let me get my coat off? and he sank down slowly in the chair, — now…

— But this injunction, they can't…

— Got it lifted once the appeals court ruled on your master's decree on the profits and the accounting, show it anywhere they want to. This one time television exposure they're probably trying to bring the exhibitors back to life, afraid of breach of contract suits from these tie-ins, merchandising rights, T shirts, games, spinoffs, comic strips like your dog Spot and Cyclone Seven, novelization with Anga Frika's tits on the cover probably already on the racks at the airports, You've seen the movie now read the book and if there's no movie they're up the…

— No but what, wait, what book there wasn't any book.

— What's called novelization Oscar, look. Somebody writes a novel and the studio buys the rights, runs it through a dozen script writers before they get their final shooting script they pay some hack seven or eight hundred dollars to turn into a novel in time to get it on the racks when the movie's released, works both ways. Read the book now see the movie.