William Gaddis - A Folic Of His Own

— Lily will you be still! Not about money my God, I mean you're as bad as he is, all this handwringing and tears and carrying on about atonement and getting reconciled while he's standing here trying to reconcile all the profits and you're whining about that insurance on the death instrument the day tragedy struck of course it's about money! That's all it's about, that's all anything's about, now we've got that small roasting chicken haven't we? It ought to go in the oven unless we all plan to starve to death here nibbling the crumbs of Oscar's delicious immortality, destiny and passion and the riddle of human existence what we need is a cook.

— Oh look, look!

— My God Lily what is it now.

— No out there Christina, look. Look, it's snowing.

And where they looked next morning the frozen pond was gone in an unblemished expanse of white under a leaden sky undisturbed by the flight of a single bird in the gelid stillness that had descended to seize every detail of reed and branch as though time itself were frozen out there threatening the clatter of teacups and silver and the siege of telephoning that had already begun with — well when, just tell me when I can talk to him, will you tell him I called? as he slammed it down. — His law clerk, I think he'd been drinking.

— At this hour?

— At any hour, working for Father for forty years you could get in the habit. I ask him about my appeal and sending that lawyer up here with the brief and he just chuckles and tells me Father's ripping his knickers on this idiotic Cyclone Seven case and asks if I got those jury instructions in the case of the boy that got drownded and whether I've seen any good movies lately, I couldn't even…

— What was the name of that lawyer in your accident case, this last letter you got? she broke through a rustle of newspaper without listening, — did you see this?

— What. It was Jack, Jack something…

— Preswig? thrusting the pages at him, — This may interest you.

— Wait, I need my glasses.

— You need a handkerchief, I think you're getting a cold. Your friend Mister Preswig was arrested for digging a three foot pothole in the middle of the night up on Third Avenue where a client had had a serious accident, maybe that's why the girl told you he's no longer with us.

— But he, they sent me a bill yesterday for sixteen nun…

— What did you expect, you're suing the hit and run driver who ran over you aren't you?

— No I'm suing his, I mean my, I'm suing the insurance company for the owner of the car who are suing the, I think they're suing the dealer, the original dealer who's suing the car's maker it's all in the letter I got with this bill about a postponement for that summons to appear as a witness against the, I'd better call them… and the siege went on, from — Mister Mohlenhoff? This is… well can you tell me when he'll be in? to

— Nipples yes, I'm trying to reach Sir John Nip… well can you tell me when he'll be in? his voice growing hoarse as the day wore on, — then can you simply tell them I called! till the one time it rang back just at suppertime, — It's always at suppertime, hello? And when he joined them at the table a minute later, — some idiot doing a survey in our area who understands I am the owner of a house with a septic tank.

— The veal's a little dry Lily, do you think we could have some more wine?

— Oh. It's right here, it gets dark so early it's like eating in the middle of the night, seizing his wrist bolt upright there in the eerie light of the fish tank with — What's that! It was nothing he told her, a woodpecker out on the shingles. — Well it scared me. Why do you always have to go upstairs after, that dumb fish staring at us and this spooky tap tap tap out there like the police in the movie just before they broke the door down all of it scares me, it might be Al out there why can't you go to sleep right here, I mean by now she knows what we do in here doesn't she? Can't you, no here, give me your hand. There. Feel it?

— Well for God's sake Lily see a doctor, came at her next morning over burnt crusts of the last of the bread and the scrapings of ginger preserve, — you've heard of a mammogram haven't you? Is Oscar down yet? as though that might have made any difference, day fading into day like the snow receding, porous and pocked by the passage of rabbits, gone altogether with a night of rain leaving the yellowed grass of the lawn where a squirrel came scratching haphazard, cocked upright its tail atremor with indecision and off again on some frantic search of its own, leaving her gazing out over the still pond where two, three white tail deer broke cover on the opposite shore and were gone, her hands twisting one in the other behind her, — it's the waiting, the waiting, vulnerable to any such intrusion of sheer inconsequence, of triumph or calamity as abruptly outlandish by the time the day's light had begun to fade as the still apparition of a car standing there deep green in the drive square before her eyes — my God! Harry? Where are you.

— He called while you were up taking a…

— He's here Lily, where is he.

— He can't be, he called while you were up taking a bath and said he'd be out day after…

— He's here, our car standing out there can't you see it? God I hope nothing's wrong, he…

— But it's not. It's Oscar's.

— What's Oscar's.

— That new car out there, they delivered it while you were up taking a…

— It can't be! catching her balance on the arm of the sofa where she came down heavily, — that's the most ridiculous, where is he.

— He's in there laying down with his cold, it's practically laryngitis he can hardly…

— Will you simply tell me what's going on here! He can't buy a car, he hasn't got the money to buy a car like that what do you mean Harry called, why didn't you call me.

— Because he was in this real hurry, all he wanted to say was to tell you he'd be…

— He said he's coming out here?

— That's what I'm telling you, can't you just listen! He's coming out tomorrow with something about Oscar's appeal he said may not please him so not to get into it with Oscar before he talks to him so he doesn't get the wrong idea with them showing the movie on television and all that.

— And all what! on television my God how did, when.

— I don't know, he didn't…

— Well can't you look in the paper? Where's the paper.

— I don't know, he just said Oscar ought to be restrained till…

— From what, out buying new cars without even, that car out there how can he pay for it, he can't even…

— All he said was they just needed the down payment and he was in there looking in the trash for those Handichecks you threw out.

— Where's the paper. It's not on tonight is it? Ought to be restrained my God, he doesn't know about it yet does he? I mean don't mention it to him till we have to or he won't be fit to live with.

— You know what I bet you a dollar? with an abrupt clatter of heels toward the hall leaving open the odds and the hazard itself so certain of returning a minute later with the winning hand holding — the paper, see? blazoning it forth paged open to Gala Television Premiere, the magnificent soul searing Civil War epic starring Robert Bredford and — see? He's already seen it.

— What did he say, when is it.

— He's asleep. It's not till tomorrow.

— Thank God. And I mean don't wake him up she said, her voice drowning with exhaustion like the day out there draining away over the pond, the same words lain in wait through the night to charge daybreak with a burst of panic — for God's sake don't wake him up! where she stood holding the phone, — Harry? I don't know what we'll tell him just hurry, as soon as you can yes just hurry! hanging it up — now, the paper, where is it.