Christopher Beha - Arts & Entertainments - A Novel

“I’m Paul,” the first boy said. He was familiar to Eddie, because he’d auditioned for the spring play the year before. “My favorite actor is Rex Gilbert.”

A few of the others laughed at this.

“I’m Peter,” said the boy next to Paul. “My favorite actor is Turner Bledsoe.”

More laughter.

“I’m George, and my favorite actor is Martha Martin.”

Now the entire class laughed.

“Is it true?” someone said.

“Is what true?”

“That you dated Dr. Drake?”

Eddie wasn’t sure how this had first reached the students a few years back. One of the other teachers might have mentioned it; one of the boys might have had an uncle or cousin who’d overlapped with Eddie at the school. Maybe some document linking him to Martha existed in those dark corners of the Internet that they accessed so easily. However it had come into circulation, the story had been reliably passed down each year. Eddie could measure the boldness of a new class — their willingness to cause him trouble — by how soon they mentioned it.

“We’re not going to talk about that,” he said, though he knew they would talk about it nearly every day. In previous years, such conversations were a mild nuisance, but now he felt she was recapturing every corner of his life. He had two more classes that day, and Martha’s name came up in each.

ON THE WAY HOME, he called Susan to see whether he should pick up something for dinner.

“There’s still no blue line,” she said.

Regnant had told them not to bother with home tests, which wouldn’t be accurate yet. These things took time to develop, and the clinic’s technology would answer the question well before anything over the counter. Susan was going in to Hope Springs the next day, but she’d been peeing on plastic sticks all day.

“It doesn’t mean anything,” Eddie said.

“I don’t think I can survive if it doesn’t work out this time.”

“It’s going to work out.”

He had come to believe this with certainty. It had to work out. It was the only thing that could give meaning to what he had done.

After he got off the phone, Eddie ducked into a deli on Second Avenue to pick up a salad and a couple of pieces of roasted chicken. At the register, he saw the cover of CelebNation. Amid the confusion of colorful typography he read, “Our Spies Say: Dr. Drake Sex Tape?” It was written in small letters at the bottom of a cover otherwise dedicated to Justine Bliss’s release from the hospital.

Eddie picked up the magazine and found the Our Spies Say feature, a repository for gossip even more poorly sourced than the rest of the magazine’s stories. Items appeared there about celebrity tipping habits, e-mailed in by unhappy waiters. Dramatic, life-altering news was floated that would never be mentioned again. Eddie read the first “dispatch.”

Martha Martin may be planning her future with Turner Bledsoe, but our spies say she should get ready for a visit from the past. Whispers have it that a sex tape from before the TV hottie’s Dr. Drake days has found its way out into the world. This is a story our spies will be following very closely!

Eddie flipped through the rest of the magazine. Martha was featured in both Why Did She Wear It? and Stars Have Zits! There was a two-page spread of speculations about her bump. But there were no other mentions of the tape. Before checking out, Eddie took a copy of each magazine on the rack. He paid and found a stoop outside, where he sat with the deli bag between his legs and skimmed through pages. None of the covers mentioned the tape, and he couldn’t find it discussed anywhere inside Star Style or Peeper. He threw the magazines out and called Morgan.

“Did you do it?” he asked.

“No time for pleasantries, I guess.”

“You said you’d give me a heads-up first.”

“Relax, it isn’t out yet.”

“I saw the thing in CelebNation.”

“Just priming the pump, Eddie. I gave them an exclusive tip. Now that they’re spreading the word, people will debate it online for a while — whether or not it’s real, how much it will show, who else is in it. It’s just like any film, you want to get some prerelease buzz. Then we go out with it.”

“Can you hold it a bit longer? I think my wife is pregnant.”

“That’s great news, Eddie. I’m happy for you. But if you think I can sit on this for nine months you’re kidding yourself.”

“Not nine months. Just a little while.”

“This is our big shot right now, and we paid you good money for it. I wish you and Susan all the best. But you need to prepare yourself for the fact that this thing will be out there soon.”

Eddie hung up and went home. Upstairs, he heard Marian Blair’s voice before he entered the apartment.

“Burt Wyman says he’s back on the wagon and ready to talk about his journey. Next on Entertainment Daily.”

Susan was sitting on the couch, half watching the TV, which she muted when the show went to commercial.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“I’m watching crap on TV,” Susan said.

“You hate those shows.”

“I wanted something mindless to distract me. I’m so nervous.”

“Can we watch something else while we eat?”

“I’m actually weirdly enjoying it,” Susan said. “It’s sort of addictive if you give yourself over to it.”

Eddie sat down on the couch and put their food on the table.

“I’d really like to watch something else.”

“Let me just see one more segment.”

The show came back, and Susan turned the sound on.

“In a candid, touching interview, Burt Wyman opened up to Entertainment Daily’s Terri Reese about his recent relapse, how faith has helped him recover, and what’s next for the We Drink Too Much fan favorite.”

Now the screen showed Wyman, a fat, bearded man in early middle age, who was crying as he spoke.

“I don’t remember getting into the car,” he said. “I was just having a beer in my trailer, and the next thing I knew the cops had me in cuffs. That’s when I thought to myself, I’ve got a real problem on my hands. And the first thing I did was I just prayed to Jesus. I said to Jesus, I got a real problem here.”

Susan turned off the TV.

“You’re right,” she said. “This stuff is gross. You forget that these are real people you’re watching.”

“I know what you mean.”

Susan smiled.

“I did get some news about your old girlfriend, though.”

“Really?”

“Apparently, she’s confirmed that she’s pregnant. And this Turner guy has proposed. There was a whole segment where people argued about what designer she should choose for her dress. God, that channel is really obsessed with her. Could you imagine if we had to have some publicist talking to the media after we got the call from Regnant? Why do people think this stuff is their business?”

“People like Martha make it everyone’s business,” Eddie said. “She didn’t have to tell Entertainment Daily that she was pregnant. It helps her sell movie tickets. Shows like this have made her very rich.”

“But from what you’ve told me, she was never into this stuff. She just wanted to be an actress. It seems too bad that she can’t just act without all the other bullshit.”

A few weeks before, he wouldn’t have imagined Susan defending Martha on any grounds. Now things had changed. Eddie was tempted to keep pushing back, but what did he want to convince her of, really?

“I guess you’re right,” he said.

Eddie wanted to join Susan at Hope Springs for the test, but they agreed it was better for him to save his personal days. If all went well, there would be many more appointments to make. Anyway, they wouldn’t be getting the results of the test until that evening at the soonest.