Gordon Lish - Collected Fictions

Jerome, don't make me have to remind you.

Sweetheart, we are talking the Seavue Spa Oceanfront Garden Arms and Apartments! So do you need reminding which is your father's residential? Because for how many years now have I been telling you, Jerome? But do you ever listen? Other children listen, Jerome. The Bellow kid, their Saul, he listens. Philip listens, Norman listens — and for your information, so does Bernard! Believe me, Jerome, everybody in here, they got a kid which they can count on to listen — the Krantzes do and so do the Sheldons and the Friedmans and the Elkins and the Wallaces and the Segals and the Wests and the Wallants and the Nemerovs and the Halberstams! And notice that I your father am not even mentioning the Robbins family and their Harold and the Potoks and their Chaim! You think the Wouks don't have a Herman which listens?

The Uris people, their Leon listens .

You heard of the Brodkeys, the Adlers? So tell me, the one's got a boy and the other's got a girl which don't listen?

The Kordas got a Michael, and he listens!

The Apples with their Max, the Michaels people with their Leonard, the Stones with their Irving — every last one of these children, Jerome, is a child which listens!

And did I even get to the Markfields and the Richlers and the Liebowitzes? Ozick, you think this is a girl which does not listen? So answer me — is the child a Cynthia or is she a C.? The Charyns, you heard of the Charyns? So them too, them too, they also got a child which listens — and, pay attention, Jerome, the boy, his name is Jerome and not no J. into the bargain!

Sweetheart, did I even begin to scratch the surface yet as to who's who among the who's who down here in the Seavue Spa Oceanfront Garden Arms and Apartments? But answer me, Jerrychik, is there one single solitary one of these animals which don't have like your father a relative in the literature industry? And, darling, exclusive of the exception of your father and of Mrs. Pinkowitz, tell me, pussycat, if this relative in the family is not a kid which doesn't take to heart what you say to him and listen! Because in the whole building, they every last one of them got what to listen to them — all except your father and Gert Pinkowitz, all except her with her Thomas and me with my J.D., the two big geniuses which would not for one minute, even if you got down on bended knee to them, listen! And look at who your father didn't even discuss yet — not to mention the Millers and the Simons and the Ephrons and the Kosinskis! Do the Paleys got a Grace? Do the Hellers got a Joseph? So tell me, Jerome, the Sontags, they don't got a Susan? So pay attention, are these or aren't these children which listen? — the Olsens with their Tillie, the Blooms with their Harold, the Golds with their Herbert, and the Wieseltier family, didn't I remark to you a wonderful, sweet-natured boy that they got themselves, a lovely Leon? But what else do all of these individuals have which your own personal father don't! Because I will answer you in words of one syllable, Jerome. Because the answer is a child which listens!

JEROME, DARLING, your father is hoarse from sitting here screaming. Even though your father is writing and not talking, Jerome, I promise you, your father feels like he is getting a virus in his throat from sitting here and against his better judgment talking turkey to you. So you will call the Justice Department, I'm sorry, your father, in a manner of speaking, dares to shout. But, pussycat, darling creature, to make himself heard with you, who could go ahead and talk like a civilized individual in a civilized voice? Darling, sonny darling, lean close, open your ears up wide, your father couldn't speak no more in anything above a whisper, this is how much the man is suffering from the damage he had to do on your behalf to his larnyx.

Okay, so tell me, so who is in the penthouse here when it used to be your father who was up there in it? And you know the answer why? Because they got a child which listens! And you know what, Jerome? The boy's name is not as a professional person no S. Bellow neither! Oh, but far be it for me your father to pass comment. After all, your father is only your father, Jerome. He is only the person which has to live here with these animals and has to answer to them. Your father is only the person which has to face these big shots day in and day out because in his particular area code you don't get away with saying to the whole wide world, "Do me a favor and go take a hike." Jerrychik, sweetie boy, is it asking too much of you for you to look into your heart of hearts and try to see what is going on down here from your father's side of the standpoint? I am asking for you to tell me, sweetie boy, does your father live in the Seavue Spa Oceanfront Garden Arms and Apartments or do I live in the woods in a cave? And as to this particular residential, Jerome, we are talking from one floor to the next what? Are we talking ordinary people which got kids in cloaks and suits, or are we talking big shots, animals, k-nockers, shtarkers — namely your individuals which got kids in books? The works, Jerome — the cream of the crop of the literature industry, you got their families right here in residence here right here in this very building, Jerome, and I want to remind you that it is I your father and not you the brilliant hermit genius which is the human being which has to live with them! So did you never stop to think, "For my father, considering that he is a person of his years and age, I, Jerome David, his son which he would lay down his life for, am going to ask myself what is it like to live in a setup where everybody has got somebody who happens to be active in, you know, in the literature industry"? Darling, your father will put two and two together for you and will answer you with one word for you. So do you want to hear what this one word is? Because it is C-O-M-P-A-R-I-S-O-N-S. Comparisons, Jerome! So you heard of comparisons, Jerome? Darling, you heard of when you live with animals which like k-nockers and like shtarkers got nothing better for them to do all day long but to D-R-A-W comparisons until your father could sit down and vomit from them? So you are not a genius in your own right and I got to draw for you a diagram when it comes to human beings drawing comparisons? You need me to draw for you Saul this and Saul that, Phillie this and Phillie that, not to mention Leon, Leon, Leon until your father's got it coming out of both ears and the man could not yet take it no more? Because you could live to be a thousand, Jerome, you still would not see no letup! And meanwhile does your father ever get to get even a word in? Does the man ever once — once! — ever hear Jerome this and Jerome that the way he used to hear it in the old days when guess who lived up there like a big shot himself in the penthouse? But God forbid the facts of life should be brought to your attention, darling. God forbid your father's darling boy should have to hear one peep regarding the tragic situation which his own flesh and blood happens to have to live here with. So stick a spear in me and break it off in my ribs because your father has the nerve to plead with you for your attention when it is the facts of life which is the topic that is on the table. Boychik, you know what it means where it says the facts of life? It means somebody has to live with them! So just for argument's sake, darling, between the two of us, when it comes to living with them guess which one of us between us got elected! Cutie boy, could you guess?

Listen, in 603, let's not kid ourselves, so it is probably no big deal for an individual to walk around with initials. Even with three initials, maybe up there in your area code they still would not look at you cock-eyed if this was your preference. But in 305, Jerome, your father hopes he does not have to tell you, they find out you got a child which refers to himself as J.D., you couldn't live long enough, you will never hear the end of it, these barbarians make your life a living hell! Meanwhile, who's complaining? On the other hand, believe me, your father would be the first to say I got plenty to be grateful for. Because when you hear what Gert Pinkowitz has got as a parent with her brilliant hermit genius, you will notice why your father is only too happy and glad to sit himself down and count every one of his blessings.