Percival Everett - Erasure

“What yo’ problem?” I ax.

“Shut up,” she say.

“Who the fuck you tellin to shut up?” I say.

A big muthafucka wearin sumpin’ on his head come trailin a wire over to me. “You’re goin have to watch yo’ language,” he say.

“You bet’ get yo’ big-lipped ass away from me,” I say.

“One more fuck and you’re off the show,” he say. He poke a finger in my chest and look at me hard. “Got it?”

“I got it,” I say.

Reynisha is lookin at me and laughin. “Keep laughin, bitch,” I say.

“And whatchew gone do?” she say. I got sumpin’ fo’ you if you come to my house.” She talkin bout that nine she got. “Come on ova.”

The camera come back on.

“Welcome back,” Snookie Cane say. “Our show today is You gave me the baby, Now where’s the money? And on our stage we have Van Go Jenkins, father of four children by four different women. Van Go, so you admit you haven’t contributed any money to the care of your children.”

“I ain’t admittin nuffin,” I say.

“He ain’t bout nuffin,” Cleona say it this time.

“Shut up, bitch,” I say.

The audience makes a noise.

Snookie Cane put the microphone in front of a fat woman with corn rows on her head. “His problem is he don’t respect himself,” the fat woman say. “So, how he gone respect anybody else.”

“I respect myself,” I say.

“You ain’t showin it, boy,” the fat woman say.

“Who you callin boy?” I say. “Sit yo’ big butt down.”

A tall, skinny dude stand up and say, “I think Mr. Jenkins here gots a problem wif his self-confidence, you know wif his manhood.”

“I’ll show you mine if you keep yo’s to yo’self,” I say.

The audience laugh and that feel kinda good.

“You have an answer for everybody, don’t you,” Snookie Cane say.

“Damn straight,” I say. “Somebuddy wanna answer, I gots one.”

Snookie Cane say, “We hear from Sharinda that you ain’t all that in bed.”

The audience laugh.

“Sharinda be lyin,” I say. “Sharinda be screamin.”

The audience make a noise.

“I be screamin to keep from laughin,” Sharinda say.

The audience laugh.

I feels blood in my face and my leg is shakin and my mouth feel like it movin but ain’t no words comin out.

“She got you, Van Go,” Snookie Cane say.

“You the one ain’t nuffin,” I say.

Sharinda lean back and snap her fingers and say, “All I know is I gots me a real man now and I be screamin fo’ sho.”

“Let’s meet that man,” Snookie Cane say. “Want to, audience?”

The audience say yeah.

Snookie Cane say, “Come on out, Mad Dog!”

The audience laugh at his name and I laughs too and this itty bitty lil’ nigger come struttin out. I bust up laughin. That be Mad Dog? I’m sho ‘nuff beside myself now.

“A real man,” I say to the audience.

Mad Dog just look at me like he don’t care what I say. For a second I feels kinda like a fool. But I cuts a look at him. I oughta fuck him up.

“Mad Dog,” Snookie Cane say, “what do you know about all this.”

Mad Dog lean back like Sharinda and say, “I don’t know much, but I know this nigger ain’t shit.”

The audience scream.

“You have to watch your language, Mad Dog,” Snookie Cane say.

“I’m sorry,” Mad Dog say.

“Damn right, you sorry,” I say.

Mad Dog laugh. “Listen, boy, I takes care of yo’ baby everyday like she my own. Where yo’ money?”

The audience howl.

“Same place yo’ business be,” Mad Dog say. “Nowhere.”

I jumps up, but that little muthfucka don’t move, just look at me like I ain’t bout shit. That big dude with the headset on come and sit me back down.

“Bet sit yo’ butt down,” Mad Dog say, cool as shit.

Mad Dog talk to Snookie Cane and the audience. “I tell you what his problem is. He wanna knock boots wit Sharinda, but he ain’t even got shoes.”

The audience howl again.

“Aspireene is a sweet lil’ girl,” Mad Dog say. “I love Aspireene like my own.”

The audience say, “Awwwww.”

“That’s beautiful, Mad Dog,” Snookie Cane said.

Mad Dog smile at Sharinda and touch Aspireene’s face.

I look at the first row and I see Mama’s face and she look like she bout to cry. I hates Mama. I loves Mama. I hates Mama. I loves Mama.

Snookie Cane put the microphone in front of this white dude and he put his hand on his hip and say, “I think loverboy up there needth to get on away away from the girlth.”

“Shut up, faggot,” I say.

“Come thhut me up,” the faggot say. “But you probably ain’t got nothin that can thhut me up.”

The audience laugh.

The faggot say, “The female in the red top.”

“Cleona,” Snookie Cane say.

“Cleona,” the faggot say. “Cleona, you need to jutht cut him loothe and find you a man.”

“What you know bout men?” I say and try to laugh.

“Honey, I know all about men,” he say.

The audience laugh.

“Shit,” I say under my breath. I looks back at Mama and she sho ‘nough cryin now.

Snookie Cane see my mama cryin and walk down to her, put the mike in her face. “Who are you, ma’am?” she ax.

“I’m his mother,” Mama say.

“Why are you cryin Mrs. Jenkins?” Snookie Cane ax.

“I didn’t raise him up to be like this,” Mama say.

“You made your mother cry,” Snookie Cane say.

“She always be cryin,” I says. “Ain’t nuffin new.”

The audience yell at me.

Snookie Cane put the microphone in front of a fat white dude. “He can’t respect these here women cause he don’t even respect his own mother.”

“Good point,” Snookie Cane say.

“But wait,” Snookie Cane say to the audience, then to me, “Van Go Jenkins, we have another surprise for you.”

“Yeah, what that be?”

“Where do you work now?” Snookie Cane ax.

“I’m in between jobs,” I say.

“Don’t you work for a family named Dalton?” she ax.

I don’t say nuffin.

“Do you know the Daltons?” she ax.

“Yeah, I know ‘em,” I says.

“What about Penelope Dalton?” Snookie Cane ax.

I looks at the door on the stage and then behind me. What Penelope gone be on this show for? “Is she here?” I ax.

“No, Van Go, she’s not here, but these gentlemen are,” Snookie Cane say.

And two policemans come through the door to my right.

“It seems you stepped over the line last night, Van Go,” Snookie Cane say, steppin down to beside my mama. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Jenkins,” she say.

The cops is walkin at me.

Snookie Cane say, “It seems our guest raped a woman last night. At least that’s the allegation.”

I jump up out the chair and run for the other door. There be two cops there too. Fuck! I run for the back of the stage and I see Mad Dog’s face and he just as cool as shit. He don’t even get up. He say, “They ain’t after me.”

I run through the audience. That faggot try to stop me, but I runs right through him, kick him with my knee and he go down. People be tryin to grab me and I get thrown back to the front. I’m next to Mama. Mama be cryin. I’m right next to Snookie Cane. She don’t look real. The policemans are about to grab me. I drop down on my knees and start crawlin through legs. I’m trippin people and knockin ‘em over. I gets to the door in back and punch a security guard. I run. I gets out that building and I run out the studio and past the parkin lot and down a steep bank and across the highway and some railroad tracks. My heart is beatin, beatin, beatin.

So I gets away from the police and hangs around some alleys for a while. I gots a coupla dollars my mama give me before the telebision show, but I dont wanna spend it yet. But I be hongry as shit. I think it aint a good idea to go back to my hood, but that where I gotta be. I knows the streets and places to hide. I go to the grade school and kicks up in the shadows by the door and looks at the basketball courts. I hears some footprints comin my way, but there aint noplace for me to run, so I stay sunk down in the dark.