Percival Everett - Erasure

“They try to jump me,” I says.

“Let’s go,” Roger say.

We gets into the car and I tear off. My fist is bloody and my heart be beating fast and I feel good. I feel real good. “So, you get some smoke?” I ax.

“Yeah,” Roger say.

“Well, light it up, nigger,” I say. I look at Roger in the mirror and I see in his face that he ain’t never been called nigger before. “I don’t mean nothin by it. I’m a nigger, too.”

He rolls a joint while Penelope kill off the flask. She drunk as shit. We smoke and I drives.

“You ever been in a fight?” I ax Roger.

“Not really,” he say.

“Whatchew mean, not really?” I ax.

“I’ve got a black belt in Kung Fu, but I’ve never actually been in a fight.”

I hold up my fist and show him the dried blood on my knuckles. “That there be my black belt.”

Penelope lets out a high and drunk giggle.

“You get fucked up like this every day?” I ax.

But they don’t answer me. Penelope is almost passed out and Roger is feelin on her titties.

“Hey, Roger,” I say.

“What?”

“I gots to get back. I’m gone let you out here,” I say. I pull over and turn to look him in the eyes. He too fucked up to argue. He look at Penelope. “I’ll take her on home,” I says.

“Okay,” Roger say. He gets out and lets Penelope fall over on the seat. He watch as I drives off.

It be almost dark by the time I gets Penelope back to her house. There some lights on but otherwise it be quiet. Penelope is in and out, talkin shit and babblin and shit and I can’t make out what the fuck she be sayin. I gets her out of the car, but she can’t stand up by her own self. I starts to take her to the front door and my heart be beatin a mile a minute. Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam, in my chest like that, like it bout to bust out my body. Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam. Then the bitch start to singin and I tells her ass to shut up. She look at me like who the fuck I be tellin her to shut up.

“Celebrate, celebrate, dance to the music,” she sing louder.

I begs her, “Please, Penelope, please don’t make no fuss. You don’t wanna gets into no trouble, do you?”

She looks at me and then she put her finger to her lips and say, “Shhhhh.” She look at the house. “Don’t take me in there,” she say. “Take me around back to the pool house.”

“Okay,” I says. I do like she tells me and I damn near have to carry her round the side of the house and past the pool. The lights from inside the house be shinin off the water in the pool. A pump or some shit somewhere is makin a hummin noise. I open the door of the pool house and put Penelope on one of them lounge chairs. I watches her body sink down into the cushion. I’m lookin at her and my feelings is all tied up in knots. I want to be like her. I hate her. I hate her money. I hate her daddy. I hate the way she look at me me like I don’t know shit bout the world. But, damn she fine. Sumpin bout her almost white though and I hates her. Damn, she be fine as shit. Her shirt be open just a little bit and I can see her tittie almost. She look good, awright. I put my hand down there and touch that tittie. Just like fuckin silk. I squeezes her little nipple and she moan and I don’t think she know it me. Then I hear this tappin sound. I looks up and I see somebody comin.

“Penelope?” the woman call out. “Penelope? Is that you?”

A woman is standin by the pool. Shit, I thinks. I’m in here with this drunk bitch. They gone throw my ass in the jail for damn sho. Penelope make a noise. The woman hear her and come to the door of the pool house.

“Penelope?” she say.

But I put my mouth over Penelope’s so she can’t say nuffin. I’m in the shadow with Penelope and then I see the woman got this white cane. Shit, the bitch be blind. I almost laughs out loud. But my mouth is still on Penelope’s mouth and she be kissin me now. She don’t know who the fuck I is. The blind bitch walk on away and back into the house. And I be into it now. Penelope call me Roger and I think I don’t care who the fuck she think I is, I’m gone knock it out. Damn straight. And that’s what I does. Her bony ass ain’t for shit, but I knocks it out anyway. I spreads her open and stabs her. I stab her again. I wanna wake her up and say the pussy ain’t no good. But she asleep. Sleepin like in that story. But my kiss dint wake her ass up.

Next mornin, Baby Girl come runnin into my room. She be yellin for me to get up and come to the phone. I tells her I be tryin to sleep, but she keep pullin on me.

“What the fuck is it?” I ax.

“They on the phone,” she say.

“Who on the phone?” I be wakin up and my mind be racin like crazy. The cops? Mr. Dalton? Who be on the phone. I awake now.

“From the telebision,” Baby Girl say.

“What?” I ax.

“Snookie Cane,” she say. “From that Snookie Cane Show.”

“Leave me the hell alone,” I say. “You ain’t funny.”

“I’se for real,” she say.

I gets up and walks out in my underwear to the phone. There’s some bitch on the other end and she wants to know if I’m me. I tell her, “Fuck yeah, I’m me! What you want?”

I hears her laugh away from the phone. Then she says, “We want you to be our guest on Snookie Cane.”

I’m thinkin this a joke. “Yeah, right,” I say. “And why you want me on the show?”

“Well actually we have a guest who wants to surprise you with something. Someone who has a crush on you.” She take a breath, then say, “We’re taping the show today at one. We’re at Optic White Studios in Burbank. Stage F.”

“You fo’ real?” I say.

“Yes, I am,” she say. “Can you make it?”

“Somebody got a crush on me?” I ax.

“Yes, indeed.”

“The Snookie Cane Show?”

“Yes,” she say.

“Snookie Cane gone be there?” I ax.

“Yes.”

“I’m gone be on TV?” I ax.

“Yes.”

“Okay, I be there,” I say.

“Be here by twelve-thirty,” she say.

“Awright,” I say.

She hang up. I hang up. I looks down and sees Baby Girl lookin up at me. I says, “I’m gone be on Snookie Cane.”

Baby Girl start screamin. “Mama! Mama! Go gone be on Snookie Cane!” She go runnin in the kitchen. I follows. She tell Mama again.

Mama look at me. “What you done, boy?”

“I ain’t done nuffin. Somebody gots a crush on me,” I say.

Mama just starin at me.

“That what she say on the phone. Say they doin the show today.”

Baby Girl look like she gone bust wide open. “Mama, we gone go watch Go on telebision?”

Mama look worried. She smile at Baby Girl and say, “I guess so.”

“Boy, that what you wearin to be on nashnal TV?” Mama ax.

“Yeah and don’t fuck wif me,” I say.

“Don’t talk to me like that,” she say. “And you cain’t be talkin like that on the telebision.”

“They can’t tell me how to talk,” I say. “Come on, let’s go.”

Our neighbor-lady, Quanita-Mack drive us in her car. I be sittin in the back wif Baby Girl and them big gals be sittin all over the front seat. They talkin and maybe they even talkin bout me or to me, but I don’t be hearin them cause I’m thinkin bout last night and what I done to Penelope.

I feels big. Then I’m thinkin bout who it be that gots a crush on me. I feels real big.

When we gets to the studio there’s this nigger in a uniform tellin us we gots to park all the way the fuck across the street. I lean up and out of Quanita-Mack’s window and yells at the muthafucka. “I’m supposed to be on the telebision, nigger,” I say.

“Listen, I don’t care if you’re s’posed to be on the moon,” he say. “You gotta park over there in lot C.”