Jesse Ball: Silence Once Begun

INT.

But there must have been some relief on your part?

JIRO

I don’t know about that. All of a sudden there appeared a huge mountain to climb where there hadn’t been anything before. Now it was a matter of trying to get him out. Before that it was just visiting, just standing. So, my mind was racing.

INT.

And you said something to him?

JIRO

I told him he needed to get a lawyer to visit him, and he needed to sign a document protesting the confession, refusing it. I told him I would go and apply for the lawyer to visit, if he would agree to it. But he became hesitant. I don’t know , he said. I don’t think it matters . So, I tried to convince him that it mattered, I don’t know what I said, but when I left, he had agreed to speak to the lawyer and tell the lawyer what he told me. I left, and went straight to visit my father in the hospital. My mother was there, and I told them. My mother was just shaking. She didn’t cry, just sat there shaking. My father had many bandages and such. He seemed to stiffen. He said, Why did he sign the confession, ask him that . I said that I hadn’t thought to ask him that. He said I should have thought of that. I apologized for not having thought of that. He was always very hard on me, my father.

INT.

And then you went to make the application for the lawyer’s visit?

JIRO

I did.

INT.

And the lawyer was scheduled to visit after three days, you said.

JIRO

Then I went to see my brother again. That was the next day, I think. I had to work, so I visited him late. He seemed happy to see me, for the first time. I asked him why he had signed the confession. If he hadn’t done it, why had he signed it? He said he couldn’t speak about it. I said he would have to. He became quiet again. I couldn’t get any more out of him. So, I stood there for about forty-five minutes hoping he would change his mind and speak. He didn’t. I reminded him I was coming with the lawyer and I left.

INT.

What day was this?

JIRO

I don’t know what day. This was so long ago! He had been in jail for at least two weeks by this time. I got up the next day and went to see my father, before going on shift at the factory. I was still feeling hopeful. I thought maybe the lawyer could convince him to talk about it. When I got to the hospital, my father was much improved. They were going to release him that day. He could walk around on his own. I told him the news, that I had gotten the lawyer to come, and that I had tried to find out about the confession. He was very cold.

INT.

What did he say?

JIRO

He has always been cold to me. I don’t think he ever liked me. But this time he was very hard. What had happened to him, maybe it used up something that he had. Now he had no more of it. He told me that I was a fool. That I was running errands for a fool and that I was a fool. My sister came in while he was talking. I hadn’t even known she was there. I thought she was in Tokyo. They both started talking about how Sotatsu had signed the confession and it must be true. How I was always believing people, that I was foolish, that I should let people with better judgment take charge of things. They said it was clear he had done the crime, the thing now was to get him to admit it in a way that would save him being executed. This other thing, of him being innocent, was just a fantasy, a fantasy I had put on him. When I described how I had told Sotatsu that I thought he was innocent, and that my words had made him speak to me about being innocent, my sister became angry. She told me that I was stupid, going around behaving this way, that I should not put a stick into a beehive. My father agreed. He told me to go away, that he would see me once he was at home, but that he just wanted to rest now. He was going to go home later that day, but for now, he wanted to rest. I left with my sister, and she told me again that I was an idiot for causing my father more harm and worry when he had already been put in the hospital, been beaten up, had nearly died. I apologized. I was confused and, again, I keep saying this, but I was very young and didn’t know very much. Now, I would act differently, I think, but then, my sister had always been the one who was right. My father also. I had been a disappointment to both of them.

(End of tape.)

[ Int. note . The brother left the day before without concluding our interview. He had evidently found it difficult speaking of the relations among himself, his father, and his sister. I think it points to how important Sotatsu was to him that he would even consider disclosing these things to me, a stranger. He had an enormous desire, Jiro, to get the complete and true account of these things across. I had come to believe he disliked me; in fact, I’m almost sure of it. However, he also believed that I was going to do the thing properly. In his work with unions, he perhaps had gotten used to compromises, to making compromises and working with people he disliked. Nonetheless, it was difficult for him to speak in this manner, so we stopped for the day and the next day we resumed.]

INT.

So, you went from the hospital, from seeing your sister, directly to the jail?

JIRO

I could not; I had to work. I went to the police station when my shift was done, perhaps at eight in the evening. When I got there, I saw a person leaving, a girl I knew Sotatsu had been familiar with.

INT.

She had been his girlfriend?

JIRO

I don’t believe so. I think she knew him, though. So, I assumed she had been there to see him, although it puzzled me. I thought only family were allowed visits. Evidently, she had been admitted, and admitted many times. One of the guards told me she had been coming every day. Jito Joo was her name.

INT.

Did she greet you as she passed?

JIRO

She ignored me, which was not surprising. We were not on friendly terms, and everyone in the town was ignoring me at that time.

INT.

So, what happened when you reached his cell?

JIRO

The lawyer was there already, in the station. He accompanied me to the cell. Sotatsu stood there with his back to us and he told the lawyer to leave. The lawyer was quite angry. He was very busy. Did I know he had literally hundreds of cases? Did I know he had no time for such things? I apologized as much as I could, and went with the lawyer out of the station, apologizing the whole way to the car, where the lawyer got in and drove away. When I went back into the station and the officers took me again to Sotatsu he would not speak to me. He wouldn’t turn around. He stood in the middle of the cell, facing away from me. I was sure that meant he was innocent. But, if he wouldn’t say it, I didn’t know what to do. I went home and my girlfriend, she was waiting for me in the driveway. She told me she had taken her things. She was moving back to her parents’ house. She couldn’t see me anymore.

INT.

It was a bad time.

JIRO

You could say that.

INT.

And then you saw your mother at home?

JIRO

I went to their house and my father was asleep. My mother was washing something, a shirt or something. She was washing it and washing it. It didn’t need to be washed anymore. I stood there and talked to her and she said that my father had made the decision and that was that. What was the decision, I asked. She said we were no longer going to talk about any Sotatsu. That I was now the first son, that there was no Sotatsu and hadn’t ever been. She said my sister had gone back to Tokyo, my one sibling had gone back to Tokyo, and that we were four, that there were four of us in the family. I didn’t say anything to this. I just left.