Fuminori Nakamura - Last Winter We Parted

Do you know the short story “Hell Screen,” by Ryunosuke Akutagawa? I kept seeing it before my eyes. Her body on fire. Or to be more precise, a photograph of her body on fire. A photograph of her engulfed in flames. The color of the flames when a body burned … I had that vision. All that was left was for her to burn. But that was wasn’t my intention. I never plotted to set her alight with a candle flame. It was just there as part of the photo shoot, I didn’t set her on fire deliberately. Nevertheless, there she was, burning right before my eyes. It was a phenomenon generated by my talent. I became increasingly abstracted … it’s true, you’ve got to believe me. My whole studio burned down. I suffered burns myself. But it may have been lucky for me that the rope that had bound her legs also burned. That was why … it was possible for the fire to be ruled an accident. As might be expected, not even the guys who came to the scene and examined her burnt corpse could detect any sign of the rope. And as for photographs, there were none. Why would I have taken any? There wouldn’t have been time for that! Because it was an accident. There was nothing I could have done about it.

About the second incident, Yuriko Kobayashi … That time, she was the one who got close to me. It’s true. I can be pretty charming. All those things everyone said — that I followed her around like a stalker, or that I snatched her away in the blue sedan I always drove, or that I kept her in my studio against her will — those are all lies. That’s the conspiracy. Do you believe the conspiracy? Are you no different from the guys who are trying to listen in on what I’m writing to you in this letter by the sound of my pen right now? That’s the conspiracy. This is just between you and me, all right? I’m going to tell you a secret that’s really frightening. The truth of the matter is that the prosecutor, and the judge and the jury — all of them were in on it together. They are all working together behind the scenes to have me put to death. It’s true. This information is coming to you straight from the source. It doesn’t matter. And as if that weren’t enough, now they’re trying to attack me. Can you believe it?

You know, she was always asking me to kill her. She wanted to die. You could tell just by looking at her. I felt like I could see it in her eyes, that the girl wanted someone to kill her. I’m telling you, you would know just by looking at her. She was a diabolical woman, that Yuriko. But I wasn’t the one who lit the fire. From the moment I unlocked the door to the studio (I wasn’t keeping her there — I was only thinking of her safety, which is why the door was locked from the outside too) I was frantic, but there was absolutely nothing I could do. Have you ever smelled the scent of a woman’s burning flesh? Its sweetness is enough to make you lose control! Whenever I try to remember that moment, I get distracted, and butterflies start to flutter, right in front of my eyes. The butterflies that those guys let loose, just to disturb me. The butterflies spread out as far as I can see … Don’t think I’m telling you this because it’s convenient. This is awful for me. The photographs … I couldn’t take any. There was no time for that.

I was arrested. The second incident, with Yuriko Kobayashi, was clearly murder, so their argument was that Akiko Yoshimoto must also have been murdered. How could the first incident be an accident if the second incident was arson, they said. But I’m not an ordinary person. I’m a genius. All kinds of things happen to geniuses. Isn’t that right? And then, there was the thing they got the most upset about. That all this time I had been photographing these women — and now that I had those photographs, that must be why I didn’t care whether the women themselves died.

I don’t want to be executed. It’s all I ever think about, but now I’m afraid of dying. Some nights I scare myself thinking about it. Most of the time, I think, I might as well die the way that I am, and I feel like I’m finally ready to die, but then suddenly, just like that, I’ll be terrified. I didn’t do anything, and I’m going to be put to death for a crime I did not commit. Let the media know all about this! Please. Save me from death! I know, I know, I can still file an appeal. I can file an appeal! I can appeal, and be found innocent, and then I can take the best photograph of my life. I’ve got talent. Next time I won’t fail. Next time for sure, I won’t fail. Next time, I’ll show you — I’ll take the best photo ever taken, a photo of a burning woman. Next time, you’ll see. It will be the best photo ever taken. Don’t you want to see my photo? I bet you can’t wait to see it. I botched the photos last time — it was a ridiculous idea. I freaked out when they were right in front of me, burning! And even though I had set them on fire, the photos were no different from any others I’d taken! You can’t be giving up on your book about me. You were joking, right? It’s a joke, right? It can’t be true. You can’t leave me alone! My sister said I should just die. She didn’t say it in so many words, but she insinuated. Why would she say that? There’s something obscene about the insinuations in her letters. No — I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die. I won’t let you get away. There’s no way I’ll let you escape. You’re going to save me. Come and see me. I’m begging you. You’re going to save me before they attack me. Come see me. Come see me. Come see me. Come see me. Come see me …

But … what do you think? An ordinary woman dies — just what does that mean?

Yuriko Kobayashi’s Twitter account, February 11 to February 18.

Yuyuko, yuyurin1121.

I like reading, movies, and shopping. I do a little modeling.

February 11, 2:12pm

Going shopping today (^_^) Maybe I’ll buy a bag!!

February 11, 7:02pm

About to eat eel over rice, my favorite (^_^)

February 11, 7:51pm

Yummmy!!!

February 12, 1:46am

Can’t sleep … and I have to get up early tomorrow. I’m screwed (T_T)

February 12, 4:01pm

Got a job (O.O) With a famous photographer (O.O)

February 12, 11:08pm

Thanks everyone!!

February 12, 11:59pm

I’ll do my best (>.<)

February 13, 2:12pm

I feel like I have so much support in my life (-_-:) Having a late lunch with a friend (^_^)

February 17, 3:13pm

Actually, might not be exactly what I thought (-_-:)

February 17, 3:51pm

I’m not upset about it

February 17, 4:03pm

I’ll be fine (^_^)

February 17, 4:23pm

Matsuko, you’re so funny

February 18, 2:12pm

Shopping!!

(Posts end here abruptly. No further updates.)

Notes from Yuriko Kobayashi

(Personal diary, daily entries from New Year’s Day to February 17, blank from February 18, starts again from February 25)

February 25

Just smile. As long as I smile, I’ll be fine .

February 26

Don’t get upset. Don’t even think about it .

February 27

Toshiyuki, I’m sorry. I may already be dead. But I’ll never forget you, Toshiyuki. I’m afraid. Help me, I’m scared .