Joseph McElroy - Women and Men

But here was the music room which he absorbed for the first time, as if it had been a shifting article of furniture turning up here, there, like good and bad sounds, wet or dry sounds, night sounds heard in day — and he’s here with just this person, all ‘long, Dad gone to the office of the newspaper, Dad gone to work with his worried look which he might not have had on the wedding day of that friend of his when he mounted a roadster’s running board to sail to the reception expressly to meet Jim’s mother Sarah, but had worried ever since — whatever you could say he was worrying about; and here’s the little brat brother who, Jim realized, knew that Jim was here with him in the music room, so that together they grasped the meaning of Brad’s gaspingly interrupted "You going to. . school?" and Jim looked into the eyes of his grandparent and as a prime resident of this house, not the one so often visited down the street, said to his brother he guessed he wasn’t going to school, and told him it was O.K. while bracing himself for a more tedious display to come. For. . {for?) their mother had said to Jim (whatever she had said to his more protected brother), had said to Jim on the occasion of his taking a summer farm job and not "going to work" at the paper (which was more for his father than for the family which his father, though with the same name, had married into), "You will go away where you belong, and live…"

— that’s what he remembered—

— yet she had been the one to go away if we’re getting technical, even if she was merely dead, which wasn’t much of a going away.

Jim thought, You have to go to school. But he wouldn’t make Brad; didn’t want to shake his leg or talk to him, make him do anything; didn’t want to talk to him (like Saturday night finding Brad turning Jim’s papers in his room and when he got caught by Jim he said, This place needs sweeping, there’s dust or sand or somethin’ on the rug and the floor). Nor groan, cry, sob like him, much less hit those same keys out of which, minutes later, the grandfather had made some surprising music.

Yet Jim just didn’t want to be apart from Brad. God! That little shit? Just be with him, the brother so different and, not so secretly, despised: for not being a fast runner; and for recounting to others things Jim did, though not to tell on him.

Just be here in order to know what had happened. In order to leave, one day; to fall forward.

What had happened. Regardless of what the future would tell about the mother who sent them away though they had the idea — yes, they —Jim knew, and some future we —it was the two of them knew, that they had the sinking feeling that she was the one who had gone away.

Implausible, this, said the interrogator, forgetting to give us the business; a rather artistic mother, one has forgotten in the decay of the middle-class liberal family with its aspirations toward Eurodollars, may be not the head of the home on account of she is the home.

Of Sarah’s grandmother it might have been said she had the vapors many multiplied mornings chilled by her night’s rest.

But Sarah was not her grandmother, and not her mother Margaret — not one to stroll the raw sidewalks of Salt Lake City when her father had edited her trip to the Chicago World’s Fair in advance, he thought; and not one to make up stories to tell her sons when—

— Did you tell the Princess-and-the-Navajo stories to Mom? he asked in the near-stillness of the room measured by the sounds of the boy Brad on the floor — surprised to hear himself.

— What stories? sighed or gasped the central griever on the floor near the kneeling grandmother’s hand.

I hardly knew those stories till after you were born, Jim, she said.

Where’d you get them? Did the Princess’s bird have Paiute blood to eat horses?

Oh most of them are true enough, said Alexander, Jim’s one-time Paiute "source," who rose from the piano, stood looking at his grandson Brad’s faintly rising and falling form before ushering himself from the room saying a word or two under his breath that included "wheelbarrow" and "leaves," and after he shut the music-room door, a word or two in the hall.

How could you not know these stories till then?

Your mother was in the hospital with you for two weeks and they were talking about an operation, and one day I went to the cemetery to see if Eukie Yard had died because he hadn’t bought a pint of applejack in ten days according to your father who had heard it at the store when he bought a bottle of rum and a bottle of sherry to celebrate your arrival with us — and when I got to the graveyard looking for our notorious caretaker and heard the pounding of the trotters down at the track like game birds, I forgot about Eukie Yard and maybe I was thinking I might tell my grandson a thing or two more than

Jonathan Jo

Has a mouth like an "O"

And a wheelbarrow full of surprises.

And while I was looking at the green grass between my dark father’s long life and my poor blond brother’s short one, I remembered the Navajo Prince’s mother’s hole in the head that wasn’t big enough for the giant bird of Choor to do more than fly over, leaving the landing to the spirits who buzzed in and out without asking.

Demons was what they were.

Demons, you’re right.

The front door was heard to open during the ensuing silence. Brad breathed normally. His carrying-on only seemed to be ending. But as the glinting brass door handle spun loud and hard against itself and the door swung in, Jim knew his grandfather was out carting leaves, and, as if to ignore the unfortunate man who stood half-noticed in the doorway of his wife’s music room and sanctum, Jim said, "Gramma, was that before or after the Navajo Prince left to follow that stupid Princess of the East? because—"

"Both," came the word.

"— because if it was after…"

But the man, more like an uninvited guest than a father, asked what was going on here. But not as if the boy on the Persian rug was in the wrong: Mel Mayn’s readiness was in his arms and hands; and his square, absent face had been waiting fourteen years and more for his giftedly ironic wife to ask something possible of it. Now she was dead—"his late espoused saint," Byron Kennett her music friend had put it, though who was "his"? — and the open palm of Mel’s extended hand, moving across the room and down to the boy on the floor, seemed to leave the sphere of his face to give it room to be alone and find all its dumbness of feelings.

(What’s that? asks the interrogator, whose machine didn’t pick up such vagueness except as danger.)

But Mel reached halfway across this mildly contemptuous space where his wife had succeeded in being alone when she wished and he had felt about the room all the cruel force of hoping mistakenly to love what one does not understand.

Or care to understand, muses the interrogator, who hardly knows what he does, when caressing the fresh-juice button momentarily liquefying our ever-serviceable bone system, ‘cause he’s got his living to hack and his cash flow to keep massaged — but he’s lately so alive to the fineries of feeling that these rooms discriminate that he doesn’t know what to do except receive the ensuing information that held its warmth — yet the wind (as this woman Margaret testily answered her husband as if prophesying) was cold, and the third adult to enter, coming as he did from a nerve center of the town, reported that a sudden cooling of the air in motion off the Jersey shore had created a dangerous pressure belt and there was a chance of that rare phenomenon a hurricane that originates along the mid-Atlantic coast — air, he said, touching Brad on the back of the head and speaking softly, travels like that — from high to low pressure areas and when it does that, it—