Yu Hua - Brothers

Two days after laying siege at the outskirts of the city, Baldy Li, his left eye still very swollen, went to Lin Hong's house to execute the stratagem of penetrating behind enemy lines. This time he asked his brother to accompany him, arguing that he might need to call on Song Gang's advice at any moment. If he once again ran into unexpected difficulties, Song Gang should immediately come up with other clever stratagems to help him out. Baldy Li held up three fingers and asked that Song Gang contribute at least three stratagems for him to pick from. Then the two of them — one tall and the other short, one resembling a civil official and the other a military official — set off down the streets of Liu.

Baldy Li couldn't stop chuckling the entire way. He felt that Song Gang's suggestion that he penetrate behind enemy lines and conquer Lin Hong's parents was a stroke of genius. All along the way Baldy Li kept giving Song Gang the thumbs-up sign, saying, "Your suggestion that in order to capture the thieves one must first capture their chief is truly wicked."

With a literary journal under his arm, Song Gang walked anxiously at Baldy Li's side. Baldy Li's look of confidence and determination actually exacerbated Song Gong's doubts about their latest plan. Of the five stratagems he had suggested for Baldy Li, the first three had failed miserably, and he feared that this fourth one would not fare much better. When they arrived at the door to Lin Hong's home, Song Gang paused apprehensively and told Baldy Li that he would wait for him outside. Baldy Li protested, saying that since he had come all this way, how could he not go in? He tried to drag Song Gang in with him, but Song Gang resisted and said that he was simply too embarrassed.

"What's there to be embarrassed about?" Baldy Li yelled on Lin Hong's doorstep. "It's not you who is courting her; all you need to do is stand by and observe."

Song Gang blushed and said quietly, "Don't shout. It would make me embarrassed just to stand by and watch you court her."

"You good-for-nothing." Baldy Li shook his head impatiently. "All you are good for is living vicariously as my advisor."

Then Baldy Li proudly walked into Lin Hongs courtyard. Though several families shared this courtyard, no one was around. Crying out happily, "Uncle, Auntie, how are you?" Baldy Li picked at random one of the three doors that had been left open and found a young couple sitting at a table and staring at him in astonishment. He quickly waved and said with a laugh, "Wrong door!"

He then went into another open door and found that this was indeed the correct one. Lin Hongs parents were both inside, but they didn't know Baldy Li, so when they caught sight of a short and swarthy young man calling them Uncle and Auntie, they simply stared at each other in astonishment, at a loss as to who this could possibly be. Baldy Li stood in the middle of the room looking around and asked with a laugh, "Has Lin Hong gone out?"

Lin Hong's parents nodded, and her mother said, "She went shopping."

Baldy Li nodded back, and with both hands stuffed in his pockets, he walked toward Lin Hong's kitchen and looked around. Lin Hong's parents wondered who this could be as they followed Baldy Li into the kitchen. He walked up to the coal stove, leaned over, opened the cardboard box in which the coal was stored, and saw that it was full. Baldy Li then stood up and asked Lin Hong's father, "Uncle, did you buy this coal yesterday?"

Lin Hong's father, still in a bit of a daze, nodded, but then shook his head and said, "No, I bought it the day before yesterday."

Baldy Li nodded, then walked over to the rice jar, lifted the wooden lid, and saw that it was full of rice. He then turned around and asked, "Uncle, did you buy this rice yesterday?"

This time Lin Hong's father initially shook his head, but then nodded. "I bought the rice yesterday."

Baldy Li then pulled his hand out of his pocket, rubbed his bald head, and informed Lin Hong's parents, "In the future, I'll take responsibility for buying all your coal and rice for you. You two needn't trouble yourselves with these tasks."

Lin Hong's mother couldn't stand the suspense any longer. She asked Baldy Li, "Who are you?"

"You don't know me?" Baldy Li asked in surprise. "I am the director of the Good Works Factory. My name is Li Guang, and my nickname is Baldy Li."

Baldy Li had barely finished speaking before Lin Hongs parents faces darkened. Realizing that this was the Peeping Tom who, years earlier, had spied on their daughters bottom in the public toilet, and who more recently had repeatedly reduced her to tears, they were aghast that Liu Towns most infamous hooligan would dare come to their door. They roared with anger, "Out, out! Get out!"

Lin Hongs father grabbed a broom from behind the door, his wife took the feather duster from the table, and together they began to strike Baldy Li's bald head. Shielding his head with his hand, Baldy Li sprinted out the door. When he emerged, all the other families were standing in the courtyard watching. Lin Hong's parents were shaking with fury while Baldy Li looked baffled, raising his hands as if in surrender and repeatedly explaining, "It was a misunderstanding, a complete misunderstanding. I taught those children to say to court, but there was a class enemy who messed things up…"

Lin Hong's parents cried, "Get out, get out!"

"It was really a misunderstanding," Baldy Li continued. "That infatuated idiot shot out from the middle of the road; there was nothing I could do…"

As Baldy Li was saying this he turned to Lin Hong's neighbors and explained to some of the onlookers, "It is said that it is difficult for a hero to resist the wiles of a beautiful woman. Turns out it's true for idiots, too."

Lin Hong's parents were still shouting, "Get out!"

Lin Hong's father struck Baldy Li on the shoulder with the broomstick, and his wife repeatedly batted her feather duster at his nose. Baldy Li was dismayed. Ducking their blows, he pleaded with Lin Hong's mother, "Please don't be like this. After all, we're all going to be family. You will be my father-in-law and mother-in-law, and I will be your son-in-law. If you are like this now, how will we be able to get along when we become family?"

"Bullshit!" Lin Hong's father roared as he beat Baldy Li's shoulders with the broom.

"Stinky bullshit!" Lin Hong's mother cried as she pounded Baldy Li's head with the feather duster.

Baldy Li quickly fled to the street, sprinting a dozen yards in a single bound. When he looked back and saw Lin Hongs parents still standing in the doorway, he stopped and was about to offer more explanations. At that point Lin Hongs father turned to the crowd in the streets and gestured at Baldy Li with his broomstick, saying, "You're the proverbial ugly toad who thinks he can have the swan."

"I tell you" — Lin Hongs mother pointed at him with her feather duster as she shouted—"my flower of a daughter will never be planted in a pile of cow dung like yourself."

Baldy Li looked at the people who had come to enjoy the spectacle; looked at Lin Hongs parents, who were beside themselves with fury; and then looked at Song Gang, standing there uneasily. Baldy Li waved Song Gang over, and the two of them walked together down the streets of Liu. Baldy Li had always felt that he was an important personage, and even if he couldn't be considered one in a million, he was at the very least one in a hundred. He had never expected that Lin Hong's parents would regard him as an ugly toad or a pile of cow dung. He felt a great sense of loss and cursed incessantly: "Motherfucker!" he said to Song Gang. "Heroes too can suffer setbacks."

The ugly-toad-and-cow-dung humiliation that Baldy Li had suffered at the hands of Lin Hong's parents left him annoyed for an entire week. But after a week had passed, his determination to court Lin Hong revived, and he once again began to pursue her with great enthusiasm. He decided to employ Song Gang's final stratagem of beating his opponent to a pulp. Therefore, he began to pursue Lin Hong through the streets, always asking Song Gang to accompany him whenever he went out. Wherever Lin Hong was in public, Baldy Li would assume the role of both lover and bodyguard, escorting her around. When she shed tears of humiliation and bit her lips in anger, Baldy Li would chatter warmly with her. He would even play the role of a fiancé and introduce Song Gang to her, saying, "This is my brother, Song Gang, and when we get married, Song Gang will be my best man."