Yu Hua - Brothers

"Yes, that's it!" Baldy Li cried out. "She's playing cat and mouse with me."

That night Baldy Li and Song Gang burned the midnight oil discussing how to break through Lin Hong's game of cat and mouse. When it came time to discuss battle tactics, Song Gang suddenly appeared full of wisdom. He closed his eyes and tried to recollect what he could from the half of a tattered volume of Sunzi's The Art of War he'd read. He then opened his eyes, analyzed Lin Hong's oppositional tactics again, and said approvingly, "The cat and mouse strategy is fantastic. She can advance to make gains, and then retreat to secure her position."

After that, Song Gang took the dictionary of aphorisms and continued leafing through it. Upon finding five more apt aphorisms, he proudly held up five fingers, telling Baldy Li, "If you use these five stratagems, you will be assured of breaking through Lin Hongs game of cat and mouse."

"What are they?" Baldy Li asked excitedly.

Song Gang counted out on his fingers: "Beating around the bush. Coming straight to the point. Laying siege at the outskirts of the city. Penetrating behind enemy lines. Beating to a pulp. "

Song Gang explained to Baldy Li that he had already deployed the first two strategies. Yesterday, when he had the boys go and call out for him, this was beating around the bush. Today when he personally went to confront her, this was coming straight to the point. Why is the third strategy called laying siege at the outskirts of the city? Because one shouldn't go in alone again; rather, Baldy Li should have all his Good Works Factory workers go in on his behalf, to give Lin Hong a taste of the strength of his numbers. As for the fourth strategy, penetrating behind enemy lines, Song Gang said that this was the most crucial one and the key to his success.

Baldy Li's eyes glittered as he asked, "How do I penetrate behind enemy lines?"

"Go to her house," Song Gang said. "Penetrating behind enemy lines means to go into her home and conquer her parents — this is referred to as catching the thieves by first capturing their chief."

Baldy Li nodded his head vigorously, asking, "And what is beating to a pulp?"

"Pursue her every day without giving up, until she finally gives you her hand in marriage," Song Gang said.

Baldy Li pounded the table fiercely and shouted, "Song Gang, you certainly live up to the title of being my military advisor."

Baldy Li immediately sprung into action, and the very next afternoon he started laying siege at the outskirts of the city. He took his fourteen crippled, idiot, blind, and deaf loyal minions and swaggered through the streets of Liu. Many of the townspeople saw this scene and laughed so hard their bellies ached and their throats became raw. Baldy Li was afraid the two cripples would lag behind everyone else, so he had them walk at the very front of the procession. When the rest of the courtship brigade tried to advance, however, they found their progress blocked by the cripples, leaving everyone in complete disarray. One of the cripples at the front listed to the left and the other listed to the right, and as they proceeded they gradually ended up on opposite sides of the road. This left the three idiots behind them completely confused. At first they took several steps to the left, then doubled back and took several steps to the right. The three idiots swerving left and right as they walked together hand in hand made the four cane-carrying blind men knock themselves silly. After they had fallen down and gotten back up, there was only one blind man who was still marching in the right direction — two were going backward, and the fourth found his way obstructed by a wutong tree. He kept tapping the tree with his cane and calling out, "Director Li, Director Li, where am I?"

Baldy Li was soon bathed in sweat from his exertions. As soon as he had reorientated the first two blind men, the blind man who was originally walking in the correct direction had been knocked over by the three idiots, while the fourth blind man under the wutong tree was still calling out for help. Thankfully, there were the five deaf men. Baldy Li energetically directed them to stand in line and then sent one of them to retrieve the blind man under the wutong tree, two to look after the three idiots, and the remaining two to go help the blind man who had fallen over. Baldy Li seemed to be performing a dance, hopping all over the place as he directed the five deaf men while simultaneously pointing to his own ear as he explained to the onlookers, "These five are deaf."

As Baldy Li tried to rein in his courtship brigade, he discovered that the crux of the problem lay with the two cripples. Therefore, he sprinted to the front of the procession and directed them to switch positions, so that the one who listed right was now on the left-hand side and vice versa. This way they no longer drifted apart but, rather, hobbled together. Every few steps they would bump into each other, and after separating they would walk a few more steps and bump into each other again. Baldy Li continued his street dance, wildly gesticulating at the five deaf men, who finally understood what to do. Two of them walked to the left of the brigade, and the other three walked to the right, like gendarmes maintaining the order of the procession.

This courtship brigade finally found its footing. Baldy Li wiped the sweat from his brow and faced the crowd laughing on the side of the street, like a leader waving a greeting. The onlookers chattered to each other, wondering where this brigade was headed. Baldy Li announced that he was bringing along all of the Good Works Factory's workers to lay siege at the outskirts of the knitting factory, in order to declare his undying love to Lin Hong: "I want Lin Hong to know that my love for her is taller than a mountain and deeper than the sea."

This was an unheard-of event in Liu Town, and everyone rushed toward the knitting factory. A number of sales clerks took time off from work, and even more people slipped out from the factories to come and watch the spectacle, completely packing the streets with spectators. Everyone crowded around Baldy Li's courtship brigade like waves around a whirlpool, and together they surged toward the knitting factory.

The old gatekeeper at the factory was very excited to see such a sea of people, and he noted that not since the end of the Cultural Revolution had he seen so many people in the same place at once. Then, with a turn of humor, he added, "For a second I thought that Chairman Mao himself had arrived."

The crowds, however, replied humorlessly "Chairman Mao has been dead for several years now."

"I know that," the gatekeeper snapped. "Who doesn't know that our beloved Chairman Mao has passed away?"

Baldy Li's courtship procession stood at the factory gate, and he instructed his fourteen loyal minions to form two divisions, with the two cripples, four blind men, and two of the deaf men standing in the vanguard, and the three idiots and the remaining three deaf men taking up the rear. Baldy Li had spent the entire morning back at the factory rehearsing this formation: the eight crippled, blind, and deaf men in the vanguard shouting out in unison and the three deaf-mutes in the rear clapping vigorously. As for the three idiots, Baldy Li had learned well the bitter lesson from the last time Tao Qing came to observe them — that three feet of ice cannot be produced by a single day's frost. Baldy Li knew that when the time came for them to call out Lin Hong's name, they would call out "Director Li" instead, and therefore he had spent the entire morning teaching them how to lift their hands and cover their mouths. Baldy Li was most worried about these three idiots, and now that they were waiting at the factory gate, he had them practice covering their mouths three more times. When he lifted his hands to his mouth, the three idiots did the same. Baldy Li inspected each of them and then announced with satisfaction, "You have covered them so well that not even water could seep through."