Yu Hua: Brothers

Poet Zhao and Writer Liu were close writing comrades, and Writer Liu had once searched high and low for the perfect encomia for Poet Zhao's four lines of poetry. Poet Zhao of course had responded in kind and found even more flowery praise for Writer Liu's two pages of text. Poet Zhao was originally walking behind Baldy Li, with the miscreant in his grip, but now that Writer Liu hustled up to them, Poet Zhao shifted to the left and offered Writer Liu the position to the right. Liu Towns two Men of Talent flanked Baldy Li, proclaiming that they were taking him to the police station. There was actually a station just around the corner, but they didn't want to take him there; instead, they marched him to one much farther away. On their way, they paraded down the main streets, trying to maximize their moment of glory. As they escorted Baldy Li through the streets they remarked enviously, "Just look at you, with two important men like us escorting you. You really are a lucky guy"

Poet Zhao added, "Its as if you were being escorted by Li Bai and Du Fu…"

It seemed to Writer Liu that Poet Zhao's analogy was not quite apt, since Li Bai and Du Fu were, of course, both poets, while Liu himself wrote fiction. So he corrected Zhao, saying, "It's as if Li Bai and Cao Xueqin were escorting you…"

Baldy Li had initially ignored their banter, but when he heard Liu Town's two Men of Talent compare themselves to Li Bai and Cao Xueqin, he couldn't help but laugh. "Hey, even I know that Li Bai was from the Tang dynasty while Cao was from the Qing dynasty," he said. "So how can a Tang guy be hanging out with a Qing guy?"

The crowds that had gathered alongside the street burst into loud guffaws. They said that Baldy Li was absolutely correct, that Liu Town's two Men of Talent might indeed be full of talent, but their knowledge of history wasn't a match even for this little Peeping Tom. The two Men of Talent blushed furiously, and Poet Zhao, straightening his neck, added, "It's just an analogy."

"Or we could use another analogy," offered Writer Liu. "Given that it's a poet and a novelist escorting you, we should say we are Guo Moruo and Lu Xun."

The crowd expressed their approval. Even Baldy Li nodded and said, "That's more like it."

Poet Zhao and Writer Liu didn't dare say any more on the subject of literature. Instead, they grabbed Baldy Li's collar and denounced his hooligan behavior to one and all while continuing to march sternly ahead. Along the way, Baldy Li saw a great many people tittering at him, including some he knew and others he didn't. Poet Zhao and Writer Liu took time to explain to everyone they met what had happened, appearing even more polished than talk-show hosts. And those two women who had had their butts peeped at by Baldy Li were like the special guests on their talk shows, looking alternately furious and aggrieved as they responded to Poet Zhao and Writer Liu's recounting of events. As the women walked along, the one with a fat butt suddenly screeched, having noticed her own husband among the spectators, and started sobbing as she complained loudly, "He saw my bottom and god knows what else! Whip him!"

Everyone laughed and turned to look at the husband, who was standing there motionless, flushed and frowning. Poet Zhao and Writer Liu stopped Baldy Li and, gripping his clothes, dragged him up to the unfortunate husband, as if presenting a meat bone to a dog. The fat woman continued to wail, urging her husband to beat Baldy Li up: "My bottom is for your eyes only, but now this hooligan has seen it, too. What am I going to do? Whip him! Scratch out his eyes! Why are you just standing there? Aren't you ashamed?"

All the spectators burst out laughing, and even Baldy Li tittered. He was thinking that this man was losing face, not on Baldy Li's account but, rather, because of this wife of his. The wife started shrieking again, saying, "Look at him, he even has the gall to laugh! He took advantage of me, and he's happy about it! Why won't you beat him? He's humiliated you, and you still won't take action?"

This man was Liu Town's famous Blacksmith Tong. When Baldy Li was a young boy, he would often go to Tongs shop to watch him work, and admire the sparks shooting off hammered metal. Now Tong was so furious that his complexion became darker than molten steel. He slapped Baldy Li across the face as if he were striking metal, slamming the teenager to the ground and knocking out two of his teeth, thereby filling his eyes with shooting stars and making his ears buzz for the next 180 days. This slap upside the head made Baldy Li feel that he had paid heavily for his transgression, and he swore to himself that if he ever encountered the blacksmith's wife's butt again, he would keep his eyes tightly shut and wouldn't take a single look, even if he were offered all the gold and silver in the world.

After Baldy Li was smacked, Poet Zhao and Writer Liu continued to parade him through the streets with a black eye and a bloody nose. They circled Liu Town's streets over and over again, walking right past the police station three times. By the end, even the police were standing outside their front door watching the show, but Poet Zhao and Writer Liu still refused to turn Baldy Li over to them. Zhao, Liu, and the remaining two women paraded Baldy Li around town until eventually the fresh pork-rump butt didn't want to follow anymore and the dried-jerky one also lost interest. After the two of them went home, Poet Zhao and Writer Liu took Baldy Li through the town one last time, until their own legs and backs were sore and their throats dry. Only then did they deliver him to the police.

At the station, all five policemen rushed up and started questioning Baldy Li at once. After ascertaining the five women's names, they started asking about each of them in detail, skipping over the little butt. They didn't appear to be following police procedure at all but, rather, seemed more intent on getting the lowdown on the various butts. When Baldy Li started explaining how he had peeped at the just-right, not-fat-not-skinny, so-round-it-curled-up butt, the policemen looked as though they were listening to a spine-tingler. This round-bottomed maiden, named Lin Hong, was a well-known beauty of Liu Town, and the policemen had often checked out her pretty little ass as she walked down the street. There were plenty of men who had examined her rear end with clothes on — but only Baldy Li had seen it in the flesh. The policemen realized that Baldy Li's arrest presented them with a golden opportunity and therefore asked him about her bottom over and over again. Whenever he started describing the taut skin and slight rise of her tailbone, the policemen's eyes all lit up like lightbulbs, but when he noted that he didn't see much more, their eyes immediately dimmed as if the electricity had suddenly been cut. Their faces full of disappointment and frustration, the men pounded the table and shouted, "A full confession brings leniency, and holding back will only result in severe punishment! Now think carefully: What else did you see?"

With his heart in his throat, Baldy Li recounted how he had lowered himself a bit farther, trying to glimpse Lin Hong's pubic area. His voice dropped to a whisper, and his listeners all held their breath. It was as if Baldy Li were back to his ghost story, but just as the ghost was about to appear, the story abruptly ended. Baldy Li explained that just as he had been on the verge of seeing Lin Hong's pubic area, Poet Zhao had grabbed him by the collar and pulled him up, and as a result he hadn't seen anything at all. Baldy Li said regretfully, "I missed it by just a hair…"

When Baldy Li stopped, the five policemen at first couldn't catch their breath and continued staring at him. Only when they realized that his lips had stopped moving did they finally understand that this was yet another story without an ending. They all had peculiar expressions, looking like five starving dogs who had just seen a freshly roasted duck fly out of their reach. One of them blamed Poet Zhao, saying, "This Zhao fellow — shouldn't he have been sitting at home writing poetry? What was he doing in the latrine?"