Yu Hua - Brothers

Wandering Zhou took a deep breath before continuing. "They lined up to gang-rape me. But of course my virginal night was to be spent with the ruler of the Country of Women."

Wandering Zhou explained that, contrary to what one might expect, the ruler was not an old lady. Instead, they had chosen the most beautiful woman in the land to be their ruler. Sighing, Wandering Zhou described at length the beauty of that eighteen-year-old queen: "Foreigners would call her a Venus, while the Chinese would compare her to the legendary beauty Xi Shi."

The crowd was now dying to know whether or not he ended up bedding this beautiful young queen. The men prompted, "Did you give her your virginity?"

"No." Wandering Zhou shook his head.

"Why not?" the men asked in astonishment.

Wandering Zhou said, "Although she was very beautiful, we were not in love."

The men shook their heads in disbelief, then asked, "What happened next?"

"Next?" Wandering Zhou answered casually. "Then I escaped."

The men asked, "How did you escape?"

"Very simple," Wandering Zhou said. "I used makeup to disguise myself as a woman."

The men heaved loud sighs of regret, and one complained, "Why did you want to escape? If it had been me, even if there had been a pistol aimed at my head, a cannon aimed at my butt, and a fleet of Tomahawk cruise missiles aimed straight at my heart, I still wouldn't have fucking left that island even if my life depended on it."

"That's right," the other men cried out.

"I beg to differ," Wandering Zhou said. "I definitely want to save my virginity for a woman I truly love."

As he said this Wandering Zhou glanced at Missy Su, who blushed in embarrassment. After listening to Zhou's adventures in the Country of Women, several of the women in the crowd asked him, "How many countries have you visited?"

Wandering Zhou made a show of calculating mentally, and then replied, "Too many. I couldn't even count them with the help of a calculator."

Poet Zhao's opportunity to brownnose had arrived, and he said, "Boss Zhou can speak the languages of thirty different countries, including of course that of our own China."

The crowd cried out in amazement, but Wandering Zhou shook his head modestly. "That's a bit of an exaggeration. Of those thirty languages, there are only about ten that I know well enough to conduct business. Another ten I know only well enough to carry on day-to-day conversations, while the final ten I can only use for simple greetings."

"That's still amazing!" the crowd exclaimed.

Poet Zhao continued brownnosing, adding, "Everywhere Boss Zhou goes, he always stays in the presidential suites of five-star hotels."

The crowd cried out in awe, but Wandering Zhou again waved modestly, saying, "Sometimes I don't stay in the presidential suite. For instance, if a visiting president happened to be in the same hotel, then I would stay in the business suite."

At this point, Wandering Zhou remembered that the previous night he had slept with Poet Zhao on his straw mat on the side of the road, and how some in the crowd might have seen him, so he decided to take a different tack. He said that he was someone who knew both how to stoop and how to hold his head high, someone who could stay in the presidential suite of a five-star hotel but was equally content sleeping by the side of the road. He added that he once slept for three days and three nights in the Arabian desert, where the sun was so strong that he was almost baked into a mummy. He also slept for a week in an Amazonian rain forest, where wild animals wandered by him as he slept. Once a female tiger slept with him, and when he rested his head on a fallen tree trunk, the tiger did the same, and so they spent the entire night sleeping face-to-face. The next morning the tigers whiskers tickling his face woke him up, and only then did he realize that he and the tiger had spent the entire night sleeping together like husband and wife.

Poet Zhao continued his brownnosing, saying, "Boss Zhao's cell number is not even a Chinese number but, rather, it is from Brit-something or other."

Wandering Zhou corrected him, saying, "British Virgin Islands."

Some of the crowd asked in surprise, "Are you a citizen of those tiny islands?"

Wandering Zhou shook his head and said, "My company has registered there, thereby allowing it to be listed on the U.S. Nasdaq exchange."

The crowd cried out in surprise, "Your company is traded on the U.S. stock market?"

Wandering Zhou replied modestly, "Many Chinese companies are registered in the U.S."

Some of the townspeople bought and sold stocks, so they asked what his company's ticker symbol was. Wandering Zhou replied, "ABCD." Then he told them that if they had a chance to go to the United States, they should buy his stock — its performance had increased three years in a row. Everyone gasped in surprise and eagerly asked him for his cell number. When he told them, they stored it in their pockets as if it were a precious treasure, though he warned them that they shouldn't call without good reason. "Even if you just say hello three times, it could still cost you a full month's salary."

In this way, the charlatan Wandering Zhou succeeded in captivating the entire town. Everyone crowded around, gazing up at him admiringly and hanging on his every word, not dispersing until one in the morning. Executive Assistant to the CEO Poet Zhao followed Boss Zhou out of the air-conditioned snack shop and laid down his straw mat for the two of them in the muggy street. The thirty-something Missy Su, who had never been in love before, was now thoroughly captivated by Wandering Zhou. Seeing him and Poet Zhao lying down outside, she hesitantly walked over with a lit mosquito coil. Mosquitoes had also attacked Wandering Zhou the night before, leaving his face covered in so-called acne pimples. Missy Su placed the mosquito coil next to him, saying bashfully, "This was for the shop, but now that we have air-conditioning we don't need it anymore. You can use it."

Wandering Zhou stood up and politely gave his thanks. Missy Su gazed adoringly at him, then said to Poet Zhao, "Actually, it would be better if the two of you slept in the shop. There's air-conditioning, and no mosquitoes."

Poet Zhao was about to agree when Wandering Zhou politely declined, saying, "No need. This is far more comfortable than the Arabian desert or the Amazonian rain forest."

WANDERING ZHOU enjoyed three days of free buns at Missy Sus snack shop. The day before the Virgin Beauty Competition formally began, however, this charlatan knew it was time for him to take over the reins of the operation. Taking advantage of Lin Hongs being at work, Zhou set up in Song Gang s apartment and spent two hours instructing Poet Zhao and Song Gang on how to sell his artificial hymens. Wandering Zhou was very disappointed to hear that Poet Zhao was unmarried and asked if at least he had a girlfriend. Poet Zhao first shook his head but then nodded. "I don't have a real-life girlfriend, but I do have many fantasy ones."

"Fantasy girlfriends?" Wandering Zhou shook his head. "We are selling real hymens, not fantasy ones. For that, you need a real girlfriend to serve as your talking point."

Wandering Zhou surveyed Song Gang, however, with a look of satisfaction. He remarked that Song Gangs wife, Lin Hong, was very beautiful and that he had heard she was once a well-known Liu Town beauty and something of a celebrity. Zhou then became very animated, exclaiming that they should definitely exploit this celebrity angle. He instructed Song Gang to stand on the side of the road and recount his own experiences, describing the various good, excellent, and truly miraculous aspects of Lin Hongs use of an artificial hymen. This was the first time Song Gang had heard Lin Hong talked about in this way, and he blushed bright red. He protested, "But Lin Hong hasn't ever used an artificial hymen."