Joshua Cohen - Witz

0900 begins the Garden’s School Day, with mandatory enrollment for all no matter their age or education level: the kinder alongside professional professors, doctors, lawyers, and wholesale illiterates in any language known. There’s so much to get caught up on, so little time to care. At this hour, in the windowless rooms of the wings surrounding the Registry, and in a number of outlying units, too, in mismatchedly ramshackle sheds and annexed trailers, temporary structures rental or lastmoment erected slipshod and so soon to be razed to make way for shelters of a more permanent nature, which are expensive and so the financing begins…the latenight, underground audits of firstborn assets, the brunchside, bunkside pledge drives, multiplatform fundraising initiatives implemented for the sake of new beds, chairs, and desks — they’re studying, in rows yeshivish, of learners quick and slow, of Malamuds and Lerners at their markedup, knifed and gummed and grafittied tables creaking under their books omnilingual, books and languages both on permanent loan from recently domained area parochial schools, courtesy of unasked donation, benevolent largesse anonymous only in its receipt, the pitiless ledger lines, page after page flipped foreignly to distract them from, what…Doctor Abuya’s been assigned to the eldest class, invariably the least advanced, difficult to deal with though invaluable in influence; he stands in front of them parsing, glossing, wising up, a foreigner, a usurper, just a lesson ahead of his pupils, middleaged, geriatric and older even, ancient: to study — knowledge never ends, its endeavor never does, only the time in which we have to risk it, is it worth it; if knowledge promises wisdom promises happiness, maybe, and if not, then. To study the value of study. Here they work their mornings in ulpan, crashcoursing the mamalashon: the holy tongue shoved down the hole voweled into their faces, wondrously agape if breathing in snores; the afternoon, though, educates the hours of laziest attention, those of wandering gossip, grabs and gropes, the torpor of distracted flirtation, is given over to the secular, to practical business and communication skills, with pertinent mathematics. If Adam has one apple, and Eve has two, it’s a better investment to buy the tree. Chop it way the hell down. Build a goddamned shopping mart. And plant trees of plastic thereupon. Very good, Avram. Very good. All these lifesized, fully competent and heavily insured adults stuffed behind desks, with their bellies overflowing the swollen wood, squeezed into chairs tight about the thighs. Menschs all, displaced paters familias reduced to immaturity, reverted against their will, ulcerated, idle — insomniac professionals just going out of their futzing minds, if we’re being frank: middle of a perfectly good workday afternoon and you find yourself pacing the hallways, as forlorn as a hospital’s, as spare as a court’s, annex to annex with a class schedule burning in the hands, plodding through every rationale, justification, drivethru philosophy, the selfhelp exhortative; finding safety, solace in the bathrooms, smoking quick cigarettes out windows and cursing teachers, perched on porcelain while they’re expected in class to recite, to approach the intimidating presence of blackboard — how did we get here, what am I going to do. Plot a lawsuit. Hatch an escape. Hang yourself from the fixture in the stall. Above the watery laughter of the tank. Suicide. Many do. The Nachmachen’s is an easier task, and holier: stalking the younger ranks, the choice kindergarten classes, he slaps their faces, tugs hair, makes sure their yarmulkes, which are mandated, stay always on and fastened — prodding, demanding, insistent, imparting to them their own tradition, their only inheritance, despite their resistance to its assumption, despite their unwillingness to take responsibility for its meaning, its future; though tuition’s already been deducted from their accounts, which have been frozen by Garden, Inc. offIsland, in escrow, presently administered by the government and invested in this, its venture, reinvested in life, which is theirs, which is them. No appeal.

And then, after class, its brute bell ringing out to air their excited shrieks, enter the age of extracurriculars: our ocean lately iced, they quickly change to dip themselves in the heated pools, Olympically domed in glass to Island — West; Free Swim’s M — Th, 3–8, and Sun 10–5, though the times just like everything else are subject to change or plague…what a life, what encouragement, support — to become involved, included, to be welcomed warmly into every club ever founded under heaven: chess instruction’s offered and so soon teams are formed, and tournaments are organized, lessons in piano and violin are made available to those demonstrative of talent — apply in person at the Prodigy Office, POD 33–6…community service is an option, an opportunity it’s called, also that of interdenominational outreach: hobbying at a home for the aged; litter pickup along local highways; mornings publicly speaking for broadcast at Midtown mosques and churches, detailing recent experiences, the script of how thankful we are; then, evenings privately reading poetry to other orphans and the ill throughout the greater metro area: instructing the world, in its popular mass or only one at a quiet time, in the very culture in which they, too, are being instructed, despite the fact it’s dead.

Attention, the Library is Open.

And here they gather, standing amid haphazard stacks unbound, confiscated from the collections of the lifeless, Fifth Avenue’s umbilically far and stillborn twin.

A miracle, in that they’re women — though they’re employees, the only women here. And don’t even think — there’re strict policies against that, and they’re enforced, too, any infraction punished with affection withheld. Of those paid to attend to the survivors, these are the most beautiful, conventionally speaking; they’ve been hired for that, then gathered up into the folds of this room that’s most recently become the Library with the dedication of appropriate plaque, which is bronze, a ceremony accomplished in silence, without circumstance, without attendees: a multipurpose, utilitarian hall, with a gymnasia’s appointments, heated by the humidity of shvitz once spent upon its burnished burls of flooring, laminate, polished to a greasy slick, walled in by plaster festooned with insignia and jerseys, the retired shrouds of police and fire heroes; streamers faint in light fluttery from raftered sag, amid the stick of banners, bunting, spattered with squalid insects; two hoops, one on each side, lacking nets — between them, an empty scoreboard’s hung over a stage; the books are stacked in alphabetical piles atop the inbuilt bleachers opposite, stadiumed precariously as if to cheer in their silence the topple of the ceiling.

At 1800, precisely, this matron enters all in a bustle.

How to describe her? She’s busty, chesty, whatever it’s called she requires for herself and even her title a hall’s wide berth, is due an approach that is its own announcement, given grand entrance with suitable clearance; flushed and winded, hoarselunged with her sighing and how exuberantly she’s entitled, but to what, she hasn’t yet demanded; her heels click as if in preemptory reprimand, clack pushy; you can tell just by the way she carries herself she thinks she’s better than you, her very presence a judgment on yours, which is an imposition; the strap to her purse wound around her arm as if a vein, darkened to writhe above the skin; a frump knot of hair and a loose flap of film: she leads a porter who schleps with him the podium on loan from the Registry’s morning assembly; the porter’s son falters behind his father, with an ancient 8mm film setup he sets atop a bleacher’s books librating. Breathlessly, the woman lays down her purse at the edge of the stage below which the podium’s placed, alongside more heapings of books these without covers and perhaps just loose pages all of a single book, a universal, unread, unreadably total book yet to be cataloged as to the interest of its worthlessness. With fingers dunced with arty nails she dismisses the hired librarians: homely women stooped to their unpedicured toes; they drop their tasks, shuffle out with stares for the young women seated and silent; then, she dismisses the porters, too, these family Kush (mostly shvartze or otherwise minority inmates repurposed from prison, their Garden service intended to lenience their sentence), who gape at the girls on their slow ways out; the woman takes her position at podium, straightens it centered then begins with roll, leering a moment at each face as she kisses out their names…